unrecognised physical reasons for lack of libido

[enigma]

My total lack of libido is jeopardising my relationship with dh.

I think all too often we rationalise lack of libido as down to tiredness with small children, quasi pyschological reasons (e.g. perhaps on some subliminal level your relationship with your husband could be better / you resent him etc)...but I'm beginning to wonder if there is a poorly recognised problem in this country of hormonal imbalance causing lack of libido in women?

I'm not overly tired (small children but they sleep through), am quite happy with dh generally (he's not perfect but a good sort really!), but just have no interest in sex. It's not a reflection on him - I don't have lustful thoughts about a single man (or woman!).

I'm wondering if my testosterone levels are too little (women have this sex hormone too). Particularly since during the third trimesters of my pregnancies I have felt randy as hell (which suggests to me that the mix of hormones at that time was okay)

Anyone else wonder if hormones are too blame, or know anything about this subject? I think that in the US they give testosterone supplements to affected women.

There was an article in Good Housekeeping some time last year about testosterone in hrt for women. I read it last week in the dentists. There seemed to be quite a lot of unpleasant sounding side effects as well as the benefits. I would be very careful of taking any medicine without a qualified medical opinion. You can buy testosterone in a topical cream form illegally if you know any weight trainers. I wouldn't recommend it though.

I agree that you may be suffering from hormonal imbalance but have you tried herbal remedies? Testosterone is not the only hormone involved in libido. I would try a visit to a herballist before I tried hardcore hormone replacement.

To clarify my last post (comment about iron supplement) the prime cause of haemochromatosis is genetic.
Even if parents did not show the condition, they can have passed the gene and some of the children would be affected.

triceratops,

How do I found a good herbalist? Is there an organisation that accredits them?

Just wondering if anyone who has logged on since this morning's discussion has any personal experience of this - has tried anything that has worked etc?

Bump

enigma - yes dh and I always have our Ready Brek to get the day going.

NOT - kids are too busy leaping on us to get up and get their brekkie!

I think you can get this privately, HOWEVER

it is a very very EARLY stage of this kind of theory, and much like women who took the pill in the 1960s, you will be taking a lot of risks because the side effects and proper dosages are not known.

(Ask my mum, she's got black teeth - a common side effect of the high-dose 1960s contraceptive pills!)

It really annoys me how women are only offered bloody counselling/sex therapy/Sensate technique and blokes can just get a pill

I have found the less you "do it" the less you want it - a little pill would be fantastic to get the ball rolling again. Especially after my baby's arrived. Poor dp.

Charleypops: Are you referring to Viagra? If so, it doesn't have any effect on libido - it just breaks the circle of losing an erection, so that (when aroused) a man can sustain and erection and have pentrative sex. It doesn't make a man horny.

Yeah, I know, but my point is that it's been addressed, money has been poured into dealing with it. And it gives a previously impotent man confidence which could possibly help with the psychological side of things and help them feel sexier if they had lost their drive.

Women with a lack of libido suffer from physical manifestations too - lack of lubrication, engorgement, clitoral erection etc which exacerbates the situation. The "cycle" isn't being broken. But of course, these don't prevent penetration, and I believe that's why more funding hasn't yet been allocated to research. Although FSD (female sexual dysfunction) has in recent years become more widely recognised and talked about more.

Agree Charleypops,

awareness / interest / willingness to recognise and treat female sexual dysfunction lagging behind men.

without liking to sound cynical, there's more money in male impotence - just like more money in a cure for baldness over a cure for diabetes

you'd think it would be in a (medical) mans interest to keep the female population hot!

actually I'm surprised one of the major pharmaceutical companies hasn't caught on to this - the shops would be wiped out in a day!

(think I'll email one a sow a seed )

under active thyroid can also cause lack of libido.another sign is. tiredness

Umm under active thyroid...now there's a thought....Will google it. Am determined to find an answer to my 'lack of lust'.

Really don't want to loose dh because of it.

No offence, but shouldn't your motivation for regaining your libido be about what you want?

What I want is a continuing happy marriage, but dh is feeling rejected and spurned by me and it does take its' toll. Tbh I am not particularly bothered about my lack of libido from my perspective, but I am bothered that it upsets dh. That's fair enough isn't it?

Have not read this whole thread, but I can totaly sympathise I felt the same for three years after my last child and now I'm horny as hell and he works too late! never int he same room at the same time!oh bugger

I don't know Enigma, and i accept that i am pretty confused and demoralised with respectt to the role of sexuality and intimacy within relationships, but whats the difference between you bumping up your desire or suppressing his?

Shall i go now?

I believe there is huge potential to make money from a "female viagra" (even if it does only address the physical side of things). There are at least as many "impotent" women (with erectile etc problems) as men. It's just that women have had to get on with things regardless and accept the situation. It's easy to hide and addressing the problems is still hugely daunting especially with the only "treatment" being relationship/sex counselling etc. If this approach worked (with men), then there would have been no need for Viagra in the first place. I definitely feel that the introduction of male Viagra has made women with FSD begin to question why they have been ignored and will hopefully start to demand the same sort of attention. As this happens, these pharmaceutical companies will surely realise the financial potential and get something on the market.

Women are refused Viagra by their doctors because it only works in a physical way, (also it's not geared up for women) and it won't make us feel any different (rude)). 'scuse me, but wtf?? So? That's all it's doing for men! It would be a start! why doesn't the female body deserve a bit of assistance? Oo what a rant.

Sorry there's not more real help out there for you and your dh Enigma - these situations have a habit of deteriorating don't they. The more frustrated you or he becomes, the worse you feel, the less likely you are to have good sex. I've been there. My approach to it wasn't pc at all and would cause outrage on MN. But it was my only option and it worked. And I'd tried the counselling which caused a lot more problems and solved none.

Enigma - would you try watching blue films?
Some of these are quite tasteful (although I'm sure that I'll get some abuse on here for saying this).
Although you have no desire, after a few minutes of a good film it will very likely "kick in".
They may be only a temporary fix, but could tide you over this dry patch. And once the ball is rolling again...
If you want, I'll give you a link to a site with exclusively "tasteful" films (this is not a double entendre - I refer to films made by female directors specifically for the female market - quite different to the various types of film for the male market).

am i the only one prurient enough to want to know what charley actually did that's so wicked?

anonymouschap - no you don't need to go now. I value your opinion as much as anyone else.

StuartC - yes interested in the 'tasteful' films that you suggest. More details would be great - thanks.