Should i just accept that its over and if so what do i need to do?

[NuckingFuts]

I have namechanged as dp knows my talkname on here.

I think i have reached breaking point with dp and i am so confused about it all.we have been together for 17 years and were kind of thrown together when i was barely 17.Was it a case of him just being there at the time?Did i settle to escape my sitution? i dont know as i cannot even be honest with myself.I have never fallen head over heels in love with him but i do love him and he is my best friend.We initially had a good sex life but over the years has dwindled to virtually nothing.I dont have a sex drive most of the time but i wonder if that is because of him ,tiredness or because of my depression etc.He is a lovely bloke and a great dad to our 2 dc.He has never been a very sociable person(hasnt got any mates other than work)has 2 brothers but they hardly have any contact.I have mental health problems and this doesnt help the relationship i know.We also have problems with his mother and her treatment of me.I started a thread about it last week(some will know who i am now)Basically i cannot forgive him for not putting her in her place firmly enough and i cant see past it.She disrespected me and insulted me and when i asked him today(have rowed all day)"yes or no did she insult me?" he says "well she told me what she said"
I also told him what she said and that wasnt enough for him.She basically said on the phone"my priorties were wrong""my kids should come 1st"implying that they dont."We are not a proper family unit""my kids will be emotionally damaged"
All because i go to work 4 evenings a week and dd1 has started getting upset about it.
When i pointed out to her that i have to work or else we dont eat ,she said "utter rubbish" and laughed at me.
cue me getting upset blah blah.
Dp has called her and pointed out the facts and said she upset me.But he didnt feel outraged on my behalf(i have put up with bitchy comments form her for 17 years btw)

So today i have has enough ,enough of her shit and his weakness towards her(yes thats how i see it)Enough of no spark ,no lust ,no sex,excitement.

Please help meI dont know what to do or where to go?

I have started thinking of other men too

oh dear, were we talking about this the other night perhaps?

yes dizzie

Lifes too short to be miserable .....which you clearly are! I'd say half the problem is you tho and how you take it all on the chin. If you change your own way of thinking then you're going to be happier ........stand up for yourself more,and move on if necessary.

oh no am sorry that this is still going on

you KNOW we can't make the ulitmate stay or go decision for you don't you? have you told him you're literally at leaving point? does he understand the severity of his lack of action over MIL?

I told him today that i cant go on like this.
we dont have a relationship in my eyes.
we dont go out or do anything couply ever.
We dont even share a bed because he snores and i have anxiety issues and he has to get up at 4 am each day.I sleep alone and he sleeps downstairs on sofabed.
I dont want to sleep alone.
There is nothing to suggest we are a couple iykwim.

well I'd say its time then to ask him for a trial seperation

if you think all hope is lost and counselling isn't an option maybe giving him a huge kick up the arse and making him move out might either just jumpstart him into action or make you realise that being on your own is exactly what you want

Dont know what i would do if i left him though?
Financially , accomodation,workwise,childcare etc.

Am so confused.

Does anyone have a great relationship though?
Can this be saved?

Can't make this decision for you sadly you have to do that yourself
but am rooting for you big time
one of the best things for me being now divorced is not having to see or hear from my now ex mil
truly blissful

He already told me he wont be going anywhere from the house btw.

Thanks

I do and I wouldn't be settling for anything less

you have responsibility to yourself to LIVE your life, you only get one shot at it and making yourself miserable for the sake of not rocking the boat isn't an option

by the sounds of it he is not a bad man and will do right by you and the kids

god, now I sound like I'm encouraging you to leave him, which I'm not - I just don't want to be having this same conversation with you in 10yrs time iyswim?

NF he'll have to eventually
and just you sit tight despite the urge to go

why wouldn't he be going anywhere from the house? doesn't he have a doting mother he could go back to?!?

He is my friend though.
How do i cope with losing my only reliable friend?

He would not move back home even if that was an option.

you may not have to if you manage to do this in a civil manner
how does he feel about all this? does he feel the same as you or does he think its all worth saving

He doesnt say much which drives me mad.
All i hear is the sound of my voice.
He would be happy to drift along as we are.

off to bed now
Thanks
will post more tomorrow

I don't have the MIL issues but recognise other problems very similar to yours here - not sleeping together, no couple-ness (is that a word LOL) the feeling of which is the right way forward. It is extremely hard to know. I have told DH today that I am looking at flats as he will not leave. We are meant to be talking things over tomorrow.
Anyway, good luck with what you decide NF.

hope you get some sleep

Also meant to say the 'sound of my own voice' bit and 'drift on as we are' bit are the same too. Off to bed too, hope you are okay NF.

how are you doing NuckingFuts?

Hi dizzy

Still very very confused and yet dp is making such an effort.I am beginning to think that i am a big part of the problem as i am always so depressed.

NF, could you maybe tr to work out a long term plan...I know mil is a grind by the sounds of it, but whilst not perfectly happy you do say it might not be his fault as such/or him as such...
could you maybe try to get something along the line of NVQ's/Uni...etc...done to give you more employability once Kids are a bit older (unless you got good qualifications you could use anyway, but you aren't using them)...and if by the time you done this this is still an issue you might be more able to set yourself up financially?
Not sure if that is any good....but..I kinda know what ya mean, and whilst I have no desire currently to leave my dh, (if I had I just would get back into nursing and be done with it)...it is what I am aiming to achieve ( a good back up route)...I do love my dh and he is my best friend...but yes, there are times....