Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is web-cam porn is acceptable?

42 replies

cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 00:25

just noticed a website called Sexy Cam in our user history...

seems you register and then 'chat' to the 'bitches'.

not bothered about DH looking at porn once in a while but don't know how i feel about using live women to relieve himself.

am in nomansland, emotionally about it.

any thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 00:51

help!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 07/03/2009 00:53

What does he say about it? My ex did alot of this stuff. Think he'll have to pay for it at some point......credit card statement show anything?

Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 00:54

just noticed it in user history.

he's in bed so not spoken to him yet.

we've got a joint bank account and haven't noticed anything. hmmmmm

OP posts:
SpringySunshine · 07/03/2009 00:56

I wouldn't like it. Watching porn is passive, chatting to women 'bitches' whilst you get off isn't. Obviously it's not as bad as going out & being physical with someone, but it's still worse than basic porn IMO.

Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 00:56

shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 00:59

I should add we don't have a web cam so it's one way.

Doesn't really change it though does it?

OP posts:
SpringySunshine · 07/03/2009 00:59

Ultimately it depends how you feel about it - & I don't think you'll be able to know that for sure until you've had a proper discussion with him.

What's your gut reaction?

GypsyMoth · 07/03/2009 00:59

It's really a step closer to physically cheating ....... Then again, it could just be curiosity. Monitor it for a while bfore mentioning it

Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 01:01

god, I don't know.

I trust him not to have sex with other people and I knew he sometimes looks at porn but I never expected web cams.

Makes me feel sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 01:02

He's been deleting stuff from user history but left this accidentally.

OP posts:
SpringySunshine · 07/03/2009 01:04

It might just have been a curiosity thing - maybe he only looked at it briefly, once? Maybe he accidentally clicked on a link from a 'normal' porn site, even? It's difficult to judge from the information you have now. Those things are both different to if he's a regular user of the site.

Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 01:05

just found another one in cookies folder...

OP posts:
JumpingDizzy · 07/03/2009 01:14

is it adultfriendfinder? loads of men use this.

jasper · 07/03/2009 01:21

it would only bother me if it was costing money to our (joint) household expenses

Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 01:25

it's not adultfriendfinder...

it's xcams.com

same thing as other one.

i'm flitting between feeling freaked out and calm.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 07/03/2009 01:27

Well I'd be bloody livid!! Porn is one thing, but it's clearly not enough for him anymore!

Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 01:32

feel stoopid for snooping.

i have a feeling it's very regular as he almost always comes to bed after me.

i also work nights a few times a week.

we have non existent sex life as are cosleeping and i'm not really feeling sexy just now- tired/stressed etc

he's also very passive and hardly ever tries it on with me (although is touchy feely/cuddly etc) so the whole voyeur thing sounds about right.

fucking nora

OP posts:
jasper · 07/03/2009 01:34

tell him now what you know so far.

You have to work out what YOU find acceptable.
You sound like a reasonable person.

Best of luck in sorting this out x

Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 01:46

I am reasonable jasper and am pretty laid back about online porn etc.

I also trust him with other women and know he's a good man. He's not a cheater and is very honest.

He's a tad repressed about sex though and our sex life has suffered because of it.

He's quite inhibited. Obviously he has desires though which in a way is a relief but I don't like the thought of a live moving woman being the focus of his desire... seems like a step towards prostitution/peep show etc

OP posts:
jasper · 07/03/2009 02:03

yes I know what you mean.
We all have our line that we are not happy to cross.
Most of us don't know where it is till faced with it!

You do sound like the kind of person who could discuss this calmly and rationally.

If this is a step too far for you then say so.
You never know, these albeit staged, false interactions with a "live moving " woman might have a positive spin off in your REAL sex life. GOOD LUCK

ThePFJ · 07/03/2009 02:25

Are you SURE he doesn't have a webcam? A few of my friends have had the same problems and the DH has hidden a cam away and plugged it in when they are in bed....

Original poster
cherylfrombucksfizz · 07/03/2009 02:37

never thought about that.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 07/03/2009 03:11

Have posted on your other thread x

nooka · 07/03/2009 03:22

I would think yuk. What a degrading thing to be doing for the woman and what a pervy thing for the man. I don't think it is a hugely awful thing, just a bit gross, and I would be very unhappy about it. On the other hand letting your sex life slide is also a bad thing, so if this is the impetus to get you talking, then maybe not such a bad thing.

Good luck, and I hope that you are able to talk about it, and move things forward.

chefswife · 07/03/2009 03:32

dr. phil would call it an emotional affair.