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Original poster

How do men meet new people if they don't like football/rugby/boozers?!

42 replies

chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 13:56

My partner is 42 and works very long hours for a company where there is very little social life. People don't seem to meet up after work, not even for a quick drink. He confided in me last night that he's feeling socially isolated and that, apart from spending the weekends with me and our DS, his life is pretty much focused on work. He doesn't have any close friends nearby as they all live either hundreds of miles away or abroad.

He must feel very bored with life and so I'd like to suggest something that he could do on his own but am not sure what.

He's not outgoing - but not shy either - and not what you'd call a 'man's man'. However he is warm, generous, has a great SOH and is very people-orientated.

He's not into football/rugby or watching sports. He also doesn't like to join 'clubs' either which is a bit limiting. He likes mountain biking, live music and comedy etc. He used to play table tennis, squash and fencing but has had to give them up because of some joint problems.

Does anyone please have any suggestions as to how he can meet some new people?

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 04/03/2009 14:01

Could he not go to some live music/comedy nights at local bars?

Would be pretty easy to strike up a conversation with people who have a mutual interest. He could then mention "such and such a band are playing here on this date" or "if you like this comedian, there's a similar one doing a gig in a few weeks", and casually suggest seeing them there?

GoodGrrrlGoneBad · 04/03/2009 14:03

voluntary work? if he's warm and generous and good with people, that could be very rewarding and he'd meet lots of people.

Original poster
chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 14:05

Thanks for the reply and a good idea. To be honest, I don't think he'd go on his own.

OP posts:
GoodGrrrlGoneBad · 04/03/2009 14:06

could you do something with him, maybe just at first?

what about an evening class?

SheWillBeLoved · 04/03/2009 14:06

Get a babysitter and go with him! That way he wouldn't feel like a gooseberry chatting away to possibly a couple, and you could have a natter with any women in groups he approaches.

Original poster
chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 14:07

Thanks, GGGB. I was wondering about something like the Round Table but thought it sounded a bit middle aged. (Hang on, we're 42, so does that mean we are??!!! Only biologically! Bring it on! )

OP posts:
moopymoo · 04/03/2009 14:08

school pta or governers? Local parish council? history/am dram groups?

MadamDeathstare · 04/03/2009 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 14:10

Good ideas, GGGB and SWBL. My parents are coming to visit soon so I'll look into doing something with him. I don't want to push him into it though as he's already told me I gave him a lecture last night (I tried to say that nothing would change unless he made some changes - but in a more subtle way! ).

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 04/03/2009 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ABetaDad · 04/03/2009 14:11

Voluntary work is good - I started doing some about 6 months ago.

I am a lot like ChelseaMorning's DH and I have enjoyed meeting new people that way.

To be honest Rugby/Football/Golf club stuff is not really friendship. Men do not really open up to each other and be friends in the way women do. they do stuff together in much the same way as a tribe of cavemen would have gone hunting together.

GrapefruitMoon · 04/03/2009 14:11

What about the fathers of your children's friends - how does he get on with them? If your dcs are school age, how about helping out at PTA events - ours is always looking for dads to help out, he doesn't necessarily have to join the committee and go to meetings...

Anyone he could go cycling with?

ABetaDad · 04/03/2009 14:12

Sorry i meant ChelseaMorning's DP

Original poster
chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 14:14

Some good ideas, thanks. Any more please?!

No, MD, only biking in mountains! He doesn't want joining a local 'club' to be a chore. He just wants to be able to turn up when he has time and not to feel pressured into attending each activity. The other problem he has is a big/awkward shaped head which means he has problems finding a helmet to fit. If he cycles more, he feels he should wear a helmet. Catch 22.

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Original poster
chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 14:18

We live in a village with a church but not sure if they have any bells to ring. Good suggestion, MD. I can see the benefits. Do you ring bells?!

What sort of voluntary work are you doing ABetaDad?

The dads of DS's friends, GM, all seem to want to spend weekends doing family things or are equally as busy in the evenings with chores/work. I've suggested to friends that they come over as a family at the weekend for tea/cake or to meet somewhere for an activity. It's happened once or twice but not enough for DP to get to know the other dads.

OP posts:
GoodGrrrlGoneBad · 04/03/2009 14:25

fitness class? (in something that won't affect his joints)

nailpolish · 04/03/2009 14:27

my dh is painfully shy and he plays golf cos he can do it alone. he just enjoys the peace and quiet and fresh air of a golf course
but he started chatting to people on a golf forum, and to my astonishment, he started arranging meet ups and tournaments on this forum! he has even joined a local club and found he has a brilliant handicap and he is very hands on with the club. he takes the dds all the time and they are very keen too. he is most proud when he is with the dds and taking them golfing (theya re 6 and 4)

golf can be whatever you make it

anuyway thats just our experience

forums can be a good way of meeting people with simialr intertests be they sport or reading or politics or wahtever

GrapefruitMoon · 04/03/2009 14:27

I know what you mean about the weekend thing - but do any of your dcs do activities at the weekend where parents stay and watch - like football for example. If your dh took them he could get chatting to other dads.

I do sympathise as I think it is a very common problem (have been lots of threads in the past...) especially when people commute a long way/don't socialise after work as often that's the best place to meet up...

Re the cycling helmet, my dh has similar problems but has recently got one to fit - he cycles to work so felt it would be a wise move. Can find out where he ordered it from if you like...

thumbwitch · 04/03/2009 14:28

swimming? can you do a dance class together, maybe?

what about evening classes - learn a new language, or do art, or wine appreciation, or how to write scripts, or something?

Original poster
chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 14:32

GM, if you have any info re: cycling helmets that would be very useful!

DH won't 'do golf', Nailpolish, but we know of people who do and who love it. Glad it's working out for your DH. I'll look into the evening class suggestion, Thumbwitch.

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ABetaDad · 04/03/2009 14:32

I work for an organisation that does debt counselling and makes small loans to people that would normally have to go to doorstep lenders.

My financial background means I can do it fairly easily and they are always looking for extra volunteers.

My Dad does bellringing. He was asked to do it by another bloke who used to do it on his own. My Dad has a shoulder injury so he does it with one good arm. The people in the village that he (and my Mum) just retired to are so grateful as no one has ever heard the two church bells rung at the same time.

He also runs the local 'Britain In Bloom' group in the village and became a parish councilor. He has made lots of new friends.

Original poster
chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 14:33

Our DS is only 2, GM, so not many opportunities except playdates and toddler groups!

OP posts:
Original poster
chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 14:37

Sounds interesting, ABetaDad. My DP's background is marketing/economics/business so there might be something he can do as a spin-off.

Does anyone know of people who are members of the Round Table?

OP posts:
nailpolish · 04/03/2009 14:38

could he find some forums online to chat to people? its easy as its so anonymous, it can lead to better thngs though as they say like meet ups

Original poster
chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 14:46

Thanks, Nailpolish. If he's anything like me...

Oh, forgot to say that he's a petrol head and used to own a Porsche but gave it up last year for a more practical number. He used to be a member of the local Porsche club (yes, this 'club' was an exception) but didn't like the fact that most of the people there were 'car polishers' rather than drivers of Porsches. He didn't go to many of the meetings though.

I guess I'll have to put a rocket up his backside! He will meet new people!

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