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Relationships

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Original poster

How do men meet new people if they don't like football/rugby/boozers?!

42 replies

chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 13:56

My partner is 42 and works very long hours for a company where there is very little social life. People don't seem to meet up after work, not even for a quick drink. He confided in me last night that he's feeling socially isolated and that, apart from spending the weekends with me and our DS, his life is pretty much focused on work. He doesn't have any close friends nearby as they all live either hundreds of miles away or abroad.

He must feel very bored with life and so I'd like to suggest something that he could do on his own but am not sure what.

He's not outgoing - but not shy either - and not what you'd call a 'man's man'. However he is warm, generous, has a great SOH and is very people-orientated.

He's not into football/rugby or watching sports. He also doesn't like to join 'clubs' either which is a bit limiting. He likes mountain biking, live music and comedy etc. He used to play table tennis, squash and fencing but has had to give them up because of some joint problems.

Does anyone please have any suggestions as to how he can meet some new people?

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 04/03/2009 15:07

my dad is a Rotarian, similar thing - they have lunch once a week and occasional events - but it is a charitable organisation, people are expected to help with fundraising.

bigTillyMint · 04/03/2009 15:09

What about the DH's /DP's of your friends?

Most of my DH's friends are the dad's of our DC's friends. They go to the pub / to watch the footie, etc.

KiwiKat · 04/03/2009 15:28

How about having Sunday lunch with your children's friends and their parents at a pub/restaurant (or even cook for them at your place), maybe 6 of you, so you can sit and chat while the children play. That way he can get to know people in a relaxed setting, and you can form a loose circle of friends where he may end up being friendly with some of the other dads. My dh got to know a few dads from this sort of gathering, and now goes to a monthly pub quiz with a group of the other dads, and they're developing a really nice friendship through that - just slowly, but valued nonetheless.

SeeEmilyPlay · 04/03/2009 16:18

Mountainbiking is a really sociable sport and there must be clubs in your area. If not, maybe suggest he puts a little ad in the local paper.

Better still, he could probably get a news feature published in the local papers as they are normally desperate to fill their pages.

Jenbot · 04/03/2009 17:23

He could go on a mountain biking message board for sure, then meeting up with other local people for a ride might happen quite naturally.

2rebecca · 04/03/2009 18:16

If he's into mountainbiking then meeting blokes through that should be easy as many cycle clubs have an MTB section.
He does sound a bit as though he says he wants to meet people but won't do anything about it though. Why won't he join clubs? He has to do his bit to meet people. Most of my friends are through the clubs I'm in. If you refuse to join clubs then you're making life hard for yourself.
Sounds a bit like my grandmother who moaned she had no friends but would never go anywhere where she might meet some.
She seemed to expect them to magically turn up at the house.

happymostofthetime · 04/03/2009 18:45

We moved to a new area 4 years ago and my husband joined the Round Table- best thing he ever did.Lots of things to do and you can go to what you fancy you dont have to be involved in everything.I know it varies from area to area as to how good the group is but it is definitely worth checking out

Original poster

chelseamorning · 04/03/2009 19:24

Thanks for all the replies. I'm developing a nice list of suggestions!

Sunday lunch is a good idea, KiwiKat, but as I said, pretty much most of our friends with kids of the same age (2 yrs) prefer to spend time together as a family, rather than socialising with others. I guess we need to mix with another crowd as a family too!!!

2rebecca, he doesn't like clubs because he feels self-conscious joining an already established group. He's a bit quiet when you first meet him but is great when he loosens up a bit. It's not that he won't do anything about it. I guess he just doesn't have much time. He leaves for work around 7.30am and is rarely home by 8.30pm. That's why I'm trying to help him by getting some ideas. Also, he wants to go MTB more - even if it means joining a club - but he can't find a helmet to fit, as I said earlier. If anyone knows of a brand that fits large and awkwardly shaped heads then let me know! He's been trying for years but to no avail and just risks it when he goes out. Now we have a son and he's not free and single anymore, he's decided not to take the risk.

Muchas!

OP posts:

WilfSell · 04/03/2009 19:28

Start a book club type group? He could send an email round at work, to your mates partners, dads at school, neighbours.

Tell em its just for blokes and involves beer and curry houses. Reading typically optional eventually.

Original poster

chelseamorning · 05/03/2009 13:19

Oh, good suggestion, WilfSell. He doesn't get much time to read so that might help him to prioritise that a bit more.

OP posts:

GoodGrrrlGoneBad · 05/03/2009 13:27

dance class, with you? you can go together and you'd dance with different people.

Original poster

chelseamorning · 06/03/2009 13:49

Neither of us can dance to save our lives, GGGB. More likely to put people off us!

Thanks so much for all your suggestions. It's 'making friends boot camp' for DP this weekend!!!

OP posts:

GrapefruitMoon · 07/03/2009 10:28

Hi CM. I've checked dh's helmet and the brand is "Met". He has the XL one which says 61-65 cm. I'm pretty sure he ordered it online (he gets most of his cycling stuff there). If you can't find it let me know and I'll see if I can find out which website it was...

gagamama · 09/03/2009 14:11

Could he join a 'car club'? Not a Porsche owner's club or anything like that because those are just made up of car-polishers, as you brilliantly put it. But most large towns have a 'X Car Club' which will organise events like road rallies, which are more about effective navigation than speed.

Equally, perhaps he would enjoy radio control car racing or go-karting? There are lots of clubs for these.

Original poster

chelseamorning · 10/03/2009 13:48

Thanks, GM. I think you're referring to the Met Testagrossa helmet ('big head'!) which we've heard of. I don't think DP has managed to find a shop with one in stock to try but perhaps he can ask them to get one in. There's apparently a Bell one too which goes up to 65cm which we're trying to find.

Thanks, Gagamama. Good suggestion! And if there isn't one he'd like to join then I'll suggest he starts one!

Thanks for all your replies.

OP posts:

branflake81 · 10/03/2009 16:31

go to meetup.com and see if there are any local groups he is interested in. I have joined a couple and although it's scary at first it's a really good way of getting to know people.

Original poster

chelseamorning · 11/03/2009 13:13

Ooh, thanks branflake81. Didn't know about that site so will take a look later.

Muchas!

OP posts:

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