How much do you do for your DH/DP?

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

And do you feel taken for granted?

I'm just wondering how much other women do for their partners, in terms of say laundry, packed lunches, cooking etc etc, and if they feel appreciated?

I've always taken control of the laundry in our house, mainly because DH is genuinely unable to detect when it should be done (ie, he would wait until nobody had ANY clean clothes left, and then do it) But, i've been feeling quite taken for granted (ie, like a maid picking up his clothes, washing and drying them) and told DH that i won't be washing any of his clothes from now on. I'm now resisiting the urge to do any washing for him today, as the basket is completely full of his stuff.

I should point out that he is a very hands on Dad and does his share of most other things (apart from cooking, as he is pants) but i feel very liberated at the moment!

OH and dh picks ds up from the childminders, baths him and puts him to bed when I'm at work (approx 3x a week)

I cook dinner most nights and tend to be the one who does a proper deep clean when required (seriously - he's just crap at cleaning). But then, there are jobs that he mostly does - taking bins out, getting rid of junk, sorting out garden. The vast majority of household stuff we share. We also have a cleaner who comes once a week as I resent spending the time I have taken off work to look after my children scrubbing the toilet

I don't feel taken for granted at all.

I do everything that is tradtionally the female role.
I do all laundry, cleaning, ironing, cooking etc
Every morning I cook dp a cooked breakfast , get the 6 kids ready and take them to school for 9.50.
I am responsible for everything to do with the children eg school, baths, parents evening, food, changing nappies.

I do the school runs, but dp does the playdate runs.

He deals with all:
bills
house repairs
cars
rubbish day
He pays for children's clothes
He pays for all food

He has the tradotional blokes role.

I do everything that is tradtionally the female role.
I do all laundry, cleaning, ironing, cooking etc
Every morning I cook dp a cooked breakfast , get the 6 kids ready and take them to school for 9.50.
I am responsible for everything to do with the children eg school, baths, parents evening, food, changing nappies.

I do the school runs, but dp does the playdate runs.

He deals with all:
bills
house repairs
cars
rubbish day
He pays for children's clothes
He pays for all food

He has the tradotional blokes role.

kittywise, do you ever feel taken for granted? Especially with you doing all the child related tasks? (Just curious)

Good question, but no not at all. He works very hard indeed for us all. He's self employed.

I'm very glad that I never have to worry about money, bills, insurance pensions, putting the rubbish out etc etc.
I never have to worry when something needs repairing, he does it pretty much straight away.
He is very responsible with money.

We decided early on in our relationship which roles we would take, we would do what we were good at.

I think it's barmy that people want to share the same job, it makes much more sense to divide roles.

Of course things have altered over the years, he occasionally changes a nappy now!!

i'm always stunned when that sort of set up works for people (and i don't mean that in a negative way!) I can't imagine not working, and i doubt DH could imagine not bathing the kids etc. I like sharing the duties (fairly) equally. And i'd be a rubbish housewife!

I do find housework difficult, in the sense that i get very little satisfaction or reward from it. I like working because aside from being paid, i get compliments, praise and so on. When i was on maternity leave i was mind numbingly bored! I take my hat off to anyone who can do it full time, i'd lose my marbles.

Plus, i get a sense of security in knowing i have my own job and pension etc. I wonder if your DHs ever feel taken for granted if they do all the earning?

It works for us too, except that dh is crap with money and diy stuff so I have to take control of those and I pay some bills and buy most groceries out of CTC and CHB.

I suppose that him doing the ironing and odd bit of washing up balances that out

He does enjoy bathtime though, it is his chance to spend time with the kids during the week and he always makes it fun whereas when I do it I've had enough of them and just want to get them washed and into bed!

GoodGrrrlGoneBad - do you both work full time?

I am a SAHM and do all the laundry (and pretty much everything else too) but its my job really so am ok with it.

If you both work similar hours and you feel you have an equal share of chores except for this and that he's taking you for granted then fair enough to stop doing his washing.
Although might be easier for you to get him to do a share of it himself rather than you ahaving o sort through it all first to just wash your own stuff!

I'm a SAHM and I do everything except washing-up, taking out the bins and, in the summer, mowing the lawn weekly.

DH is not keen on bathing ds2, nor reading his story, but will do it if asked (with a little huff of put-upon-ness). I usually have to do it before going out in the evening to my class, too.

I do all big clear-ups, gardening etc. Neither of us does car maintenance- the cars go to the garage for that.

He will do things if I ask but takes forever so usually prefer to do it myself.

But he deals very successfully with all money stuff, bills etc so I am happy to leave that to him.(Too many years, pre-dh, of trying to balance books as a single mum etc).

Occasionally I feel put upon. Then I shout about it and take time out.

GGGB I certainly don't find housework rewarding in anyway whatsoever!!
I find it tedious and frustrating, everyday the same old crap to do.

However, I know that DP finds working hard everyday to support his family frustrating etc and he would much rather be doing something else.

It is important to us that I am at home though, so we do what we do.
It is important to me that he and the kids get a home cooked meal every evening and that i can be involved fully in their lives.

Flippin Everything

I feel so used

He's a nob.

Ditto with SA - except mine isn't a nob, he's a lazy arsed tosspot

Mine tooo!! How do we find them

In his defence he is working and i am on maternity leave

The 'leave' part being about the housework, the ironing and occasionally the cooking

If he opens his mouth to moan i'd probably cram a nappy in it atm the way i feel so i think he just doesn't bother.

Well lets see, DH got made redundant after xmas so he is still at home atm.

Me
All Washing
All Cooking
All Cleaning
All Paying of bills
All Organising

DH
Bins Out
Bathing DC
DIY (sort of when ive nagged and nagged)
Car stuff
Takes DD to and from school (DS goes in a taxi)

SHARED
Ironing (dh very good and will iron no moaning)
Tidying up
Bedtimes with the DC
Homework
Shopping

It's not so much doing things for him as working together to make each others' lives easier isn't it?

I cook, do the garden because I enjoy it very much. Have a cleaner once a week.

Dh irons his own shirts or sends them to a drycleaner to wash and iron.

Both read stories to ds.

I don't feel taken for granted at all but probably cos I do the stuff I enjoy (well I don't really enjoy doing the laundry but it's not a big deal).

DH works full-time, I work part-time.

I do all the shopping and cooking, most of the cleaning and laundry.

He leaves for work early in the morning so I am with the DC and drop them off to school. I pick them up and he gets in some time around 6 most nights, and then helps with ferrying to clubs, baths and bed.

We share the childcare on the weekend and he occasionally does some cleaning / laundry (when his arm is twisted behind his back!)

I moan a bit (when I have PMT), but mostly it works out OK. It is much better now the children are older and more independent.

I'm a WAHM so fit work in around other stuff. Dh works full time.

Usually I do the cooking & he does the washing up. We share the laundry. I do most of the cleaning but he does the bathroom cos I can't reach half the bath without standing in it so it's just easier if he does it.

At the moment thought I'm pregnant and often can't face cooking (don't know why cos I'm not being sick) so he's doing all that and all the laundry and getting dd up each morning to give me a lie in (I'm not sleeping well) so he's doing FAR more than his share.

Have to say dh is better at the laundry than I am. I just sort into colours then put a full load on whichever is the most delicate item's setting iyswim. Dh on the other hand sorts everything according to which cycle it needs on the washer and by colour.

mrsruffalo- that was more what i was getting at, doing things specifically for Dh/DP, like washing his clothes, or making his lunch, but we've gone on an interesting tangent instead!

2pt4- i work 28hrs a week, DH works full time, but neither of us work evening or weekends.

And i won't have to sort through the washing for mine and the kids- his will most probably be on the floor! I piled it all on his pillow yesterday, and lo and behold, it's in the basket now!

Ah but SA mine isnt working, and I am!

Sorry, mustn't be too hard on the poor ickle lovey eh? He gets DD up for PreSchool (7am - I am up at 0530 and at work at 0630am), Takes her to school (8am) does sweet FA till 11am when he picks her up. I get home at 1330.

He then does Sweet FA till he goes to bed at about 9.

and complains that he is tired

Grrrrrrrr

how do people negotiate changes in roles when kids come along? We both work full time (same job, I've been doing it longer, he earns £12k more than me ). He is apparently totally unable to initiate anything, and indeed even after being politely asked to help, is unable to finish anything except the washing sometimes.

Twins arriving all too soon... I don't want to hurt him by assuming he'll be crap, but tbh I'm not wildly confident that he's going to be any better than he is now.... his idea of babies is pulling faces and tickling and cuddles; not managing several washing machine loads a day of nappies, doing the shopping and cooking with 2 screaming poo-machines making it hard to think straight....