Anyone not immediately found their now dh or dp attractive? either phsically, humourwise, or personality? Like to hear your stories!!!!

[piratecat]

I kind of like someone I think!! Not my normal 'type' physically, but makes me laugh. Yet also (bearing in mind i am prob v sensitve and out of the dating game) some comments he's made have been a bit ego ish iyswim. Yet generally i just get that feeling it's a bloke thing, when they get flustered.

Yuo'd never think i was in my early 40's formthis post and been married, but i'd love to know your tales!!

bump

Yes my dh took a a little while to grow on me.

When he made that first clumsy lunge at me in the nightclub alllll those years ago I remember thinking Hmmm, not so sure about this one.

But he was a perfect gent the next day on our first 'date', held my hand, listened etc.

Your fella is probably trying to show off. They do that sometimes.

I didn't physically fancy my DH at first. I loved his personality, thought he was funny, found him sexy on the phone/via email and loved our conversations in person, but he wasn't my type at all physically. He grew on me quite slowly in that department.

pirate, I know how you feel. I kind of like someone who is not my 'type' either, but he makes me laugh, is kind and sensitive, we have loads in common and we get on really well. I find myself thinking about him a lot, and look forward to his texts etc. But just am not sure if I fancy him, and because of that I wont do anything.
I reckon that if you have to think too hard about it, it probably isnt right?

I knew my now DH for about 8 months before we 'got it on' I can honestly say for at least 6 months of that I didn't fancy him at all. Then I slowly got to know him and started looking at him in a different way and then we had 2 months of flirting before getting together and we were married 11 months later. That was 6 years ago in april and we are blissfully happy. Slow burners are the best. Still water run deep..

well my dh was wearing grey trousers and grey shoes and a yellow tie,white socks and his short black hair parted in the middle!
Needless to sya I was quite pissed to see through all that.

We're still together and have been happily married for 20 yrs.

I used to worry a lot about not finding my dh physically attractive. But its more than looks. He finds me very attractive and that is attractive to me.

Also, if we are having a loved up time, he suddenly becomes better looking to me.

Then he forgets to load the dishwasher and we're back to square one.

lol @ dishwasher!! mmm

ggirl, wow!! what a description lol.

I havent even met him yet pmsl, i am 2morro, and i am shitting it. i havent gone and 'met' someone since 1995.

I am of your thinking raggedtrousered, if i am worried it must be cos i 'must' know somehow he isn't right? Yet i also know i am very very wary of ever getting involved with anyone, and i have a battle with that 'thing/feeling' which has nothing to do with him. I don't want to let my issues.hurt trickle over iyswim.

I don't want to come over as being 'too' reactionary, which i know i can be, so i need to be cool, but myself.

any pointers also gratefully recieved. I won't be drinking either, as driving.!!!

febes, sorry meant to say, that's a great story, and it just goes to show how very different all theses scenarios are, and how the outcomes are just random!!

Be open minded. Don't write him off striaght away, but also don't ignore any nagging doubts or instincts. Wear clean knickers...you never know!

When I first met DH he had come for a job interview where I worked. He looked like a prat. I don't think I've ever fancied anyone less. He was geeky and awkward and seemed quite rude - it was a small company and I was vaguely disappointed when I heard he'd got the job.

Four years later we had our first (my third) child...

lol, clean knickers and 47 panty liners? ( sorry a reference to recent topic here today!!)

no no no, i am getting straight in that car, and driving home when we leave the eatery!!

hassled, thats quite amazing, if you found him that horrible!!!

see, i do fancy him, form his pcs, and we have talked lots. I am just so sensitive, and he makes me laff, but i am terrified, of getting upset at any slight, and prob slights that are sooo unintentional.

my confidence has been really hacked at by my ex dh's actions. arghhhh!!

whats wrong with it being just me and dd!! (strats to talk herslef out of it)!!

pirate - I have also been massively hurt, and am also very wary of getting involved with anyone, and I think that may be the reason I dont 'fancy' him. There must be something there for us to be wondering about it, and maybe the physical stuff not being right is our way of protecting ourselves? Also, knowing he is really into me puts me off, perhaps cos it makes it more real that there IS the possibility of a relationship and all that entails.. I guess I can only really think about how relationships END at the moment.

I imagine that I will get it on with this guy in the future sometime - I like him a lot, think about him a lot, he has so many qualities I am looking for, and we 'get' each other. But until the penny totally drops with me, I am holding back!

Or perhaps we will just always be really close friends, and I will meet some man that makes me go weak at the knees and also has these qualities instead..... ?????

pirate - you do sound like you DO find him attractive! I think you are more worried about future relationships based on your one with your ex?

yes ragged, you could be me in the way you are feeling. Your post really resonates, it is a self protection thing. Maybe women get uppity.hurt and men get a bit nobby? I might as well be 15!!!

once upon a time it wasn't a big deal to 'get off' with a bloke, it was natural. It was also a long time ago!!! Now this date thing (tbh i havent had any dates in my life, cos met most people in clubs or pubs) is freaking me out.

maybe, yes. i have been on my own 4 yrs, and the longer on my own the less inclined I am to think that having a man in my life is a neccesity? iyswim!!!

Terrified becuase of what happened with my ex yes. He let me down terribly, floored me.

pirate - totally understand all of what you are saying! I guess the issue isnt really whether you find them attractive or not (I have been out with guys that havent wowed me physically, but that was MANY years ago), but whether you can handle the idea of another relationship?
Funnily, I spent ages mooning over a guy I hardly knew, who, in reality, is a bit of an arse, but that I have a passionate snogging session with. Probably because really nothing was ever going to happen outside of my fantasy.
But when faced with the possibility of a real relationship with someone who is actually rather decent, I just freak out, decide (without ANY reason to back me up) that its pointless, it wouldnt work etc etc, and just dont bother.
hmm, its hard having 'issues' isnt it! lol

My partner started working at the same company as me over a year before we got together. We had about five run-ins at work dos where I'd try to make conversation with him, and he always seemed like he was annoyed/couldn't be bothered. He mostly stuck to the people in his department. I didn't think he was repulsive, but just didn't think of him in that way at all really (to be fair I was married, though unhappily, when we met). He also smoked, which has almost always been a big turnoff for me. Also thought he was much older than he was.

So one Tuesday night I got invited out for drinks by another colleague. Only four of us went out, and he was one of them. I ended up sitting across from him in a quiet bar and talking to him a lot (no one from his dept was there).

Turns out, he was just shy, and the reason he seemed standoffish was he can't hear very well due to damaging his hearing by being a guitar rock god in his youth! And he was 30 (same as me), rather than closer to 40 as I'd thought. I dragged him home with me that night.

We've just gotten married, and are expecting our first child. I can't imagine my life without him. Thank god I didn't go with my first impression!

I met my now-husband at uni and didn't find him at all attractive. He had long hair and was arrogant. But then he and I were the ones always staying after class to ask questions, and we also ended up working together as referees. Two years later, and fast friends, he asked me to accompany him to the barber to help him translate (we were studying in Madrid and my Spanish was better than his). I said my bit, and read a magazine while I waited. Then out of the chair emerges this clean-cut hottie! It was funny. We started dating a few months later. That makes me sounds shallow, I know... I don't think it was down to me just not wanting a long-haired bloke. I think the shock of seeing him so different woke me up to the fact that I (gulp) loved him. It was pretty hilarious. It's been 10 years since that haircut.

A quote that helped me along the way:

"Love is knowing the good, choosing the good, and doing the good."

Yes, electricity is fun and exciting and sweet, but the good stuff makes sense in a rational way, too... choosing the good (even though it might not be the most natural/sexy). Bringing the best out of each other... that sort of thing. Seeing each other flourish, particularly when there has been hurt in the past, is pretty electric, too.

I didn't massively fancy DH for his looks straight away, but I liked his sparkiness and he make me laugh, so yes found him attractive for that straight away. But anyone I have ever felt anything meaningful for has usually grown on me in the same way - looks are the not the most important thing for me (although obviously I can't find them physically repulsive) and the person DH is makes me fancy him more IYSWIM

I clicked in all the other ways with my ex-dh, but he was also the prettiest bloke I'd ever been with. In the end though he treated me worse than any other and made my life a living nightmare. Therefore since then I have deliberately avoided anyone I actually found physically attractive, and have just started going out with someone full of life and love but not particularly good looks, I don't really care what he looks like, I just love spending time with him, which is all that matters, and look forward to spending the forseeable future with him!

thanks for your replies. I need to bite the bullet. I think i may have been an idiot tho, as lastnight he didn't ring and i got all defensive and terrified it was all a big joke.

what a wally. my god you think you've nailed your sense of self, and then bingo you surprise yourslef. i think i have alot of shit going on in my heart/head that i haven't had a chance yet to deal with. mainly cos i never get the time esp as a single parent, to 'go there'.

i must admit i could only take things further if i found someone physically attractive...when i first saw dh it was like a scene out of a film..everything went hazy..all i could see was him ...i was mesmerized!.....

pc...why don't you ring him?

i don't mean ring my dh...