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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Being a sex worker 'of whatever end' and what it *really* involves

49 replies

CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged · 03/03/2009 12:27

I ran away from home when i was a young teenager and because i needed money so i sold my body.
The other thread in relationships atm has really annoyed me because with the experience i have it has not been fun and games and i feel as though OFFS is trying to glam it up when the reality is alot more dismal.
I actually worked in massage parlours, which most of the 'WG' population do, its safer because there are other people there. Although that doesnt stop what goes on behind closed doors.
I have, on my first day as a 'WG' had the guy take the condom off, without my knowledge and come inside me. I have given guys a blowjob, for them to them go outside, tell the receptionist i have over charged him and had my money taken away from me, i used to have to give nearly half of my earnings over for 'rent' of the room. I was scammed by the person who i worked for and she stole lots of money off me.

I have had to forefill mens sick fantasies about spanking me, being pissed on, treating me like a little girl (i was 16/17) Not all of them were clean, some smelt and were sweaty.
I have had to sleep in the same bed i was fucking clients in.
When i was on my period i would pop a spong up there and carry on because i needed to work for the money.

Unlike OFFS i did get into heavy drug usuage, before i did it it was just drinking and drugs but on a smaller scale, once i started working i needed to take more and more to block it out, which in turn made me need to work more. It was a vicous circle.

I am not trying to belittle OFFS experience, just trying to make people see it isnt all glam and it IS in fact something to be ashamed of, i still get nightmares now about it, i worry what people will think, esp if i talk about it in my sleep, i am scared it coming out as i have friends not talk to me after telling them. I haven't done this for years now and wish that i could go back in time and not have done it but i can't, i can only try to make others see that it isnt something you want to do.

However much you think you need the money its not worth the heartache it brings and the self respect it destroys.

I too tried to kid myself that i was happy doing it but i wasnt, i would never let myself orgasm with a client, one day a client who was a regular and really tried everytime to make me come, suceeded. I felt raped, i know that is a word that shouldnt be thrown around but that is how i felt. he took the only thing i had to give to someone outside of work iyswim.

being a 'WG' isnt a happy place to be. nor is the aftermath.

OP posts:
diedandgonetodevon · 03/03/2009 12:30

Thank you for putting across the otherside of this situation. Even with a change of name, it's very brave.

ginnny · 03/03/2009 12:30

OMG - that is one of the saddest things I have ever seen on here.
I hope you have gone on to have a happier life in spite of your past.
I haven't read the other thread but I am sorry that you (and countless other young girls) have had to go through that.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 03/03/2009 12:36

I am so so sorry for all you have suffered, but also so proud of you for having the courage to lay it all out here. It is the 'perfect' - if you will excuse my use of the word - companion to the other thread.

I really REALLY hope that your life today is good. I hope you can say that it is?

CharleeInChains · 03/03/2009 12:37

I am so sorry your life came to this.

I haope now you are at peace with your current life and situation. I think its a 'profession' no one should be made to feel they have to get into to afford to survive.
I think its a sad world when women and men are having to turn to the sex indusrty to live a basic life.

Like i say i really hope your life is better now and you are very brave for telling the other side of the story.

CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged · 03/03/2009 12:37

This subject has come up recently too, if you search this name you will see my posts from before.

I have sorted myself out now, i am happy, got gorgeous DC. I no long do drugs rarely drink.

The only thing that got me through it was my parents, they never gave up on me and when they found out what i was doing they came and got me and took me home. After all i had done to them when wanting money for drugs they were still there for me and i am very close to them now.

I just didnt want people thinking it was glamourous, on the other thread it looked like one person weas considering it and i think they should see my side of the coin first, before they end up in the place i was in.

Thank you for being lovely

OP posts:
vezzie · 03/03/2009 12:39

Are you ok OP? I can see why the other thread is upsetting you.

nickytwotimes · 03/03/2009 12:40

Thank you for that post CanYouSee.
Very brave and honest.
I had a friend who was murdered by a client.
It is an awful way to have to earn a living.

AnarchyAunt · 03/03/2009 12:42

Incredibly brave to post this, and incredibly strong to have come out the other side

shootfromthehip · 03/03/2009 12:43

CYSWINC, what a cracking post. The other thread bothered me too as it was all so neutral about something that is usually a last resort and an ugly business. Well done you for your strength and courage. Brilliant to hear that you are happy now

Belgianchocolates · 03/03/2009 12:45

CanyouSeeWhyINamechanged So good of you to come out with your side of the story, which I think is more like the truth for the vast majority of WG.
Just want to say that if "friends" have dropped you after finding out your story, they weren't true friends. A true friend would praise you for coming out on the other end and having now made a good life for yourself. I admire you for doing that, not a lot of girls have managed that as successfully as you

HecatesTwopenceworth · 03/03/2009 12:47

I think, hand on heart, you are amazing to have gone through that and come out the other side and made a different life for yourself that you are proud of. Many women are trapped forever in that existance.

I am really sad that you feel you need to hide your 'true' ID, although I understand that you want to protect yourself. I don't think anyone would judge you though.

CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged · 03/03/2009 12:47

I am ok most of the time Vessie, when i can shove it to the back of my mind.

I don't think it is something that should be glammed up and have young girls sucked in. Once you start doing it it is easy to go back to because the money is addictive. I would never be able to go back and i am so scared that one day my DC will find out what i have done and not respect me.

Having this past has made me quite a paranoid person, i can't fall asleep around anyone because i dont trust what i will say in my sleep, i dont like people from my old life and my new life coming into contact with people because i am scared what will come out. I get scared that people will somehow figure it out, my parents know, and have never thrown it back in my face but i have had BFs who have, after i had trusted them enough to tell them, i now have major trust issues because of all the married men i used to see.

I wouldn't want anyone to go throug that.

OP posts:
CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged · 03/03/2009 12:49

Hecate, i understand what you mean but i don't want to be 'known' for this.

OP posts:
LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 03/03/2009 12:50

Please consider some help to start to minimise the feelings of shame. It might help with self-acceptance.

Very sorry for all you've gone through and I think you are very brave to have come out the other side

Thank-you for sharing your experience.

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 03/03/2009 12:52

Full of respect and admiration for you.

I just wish you could find a bit of peace now. It must have really destroyed your faith in men. You must hold on to the fact that no matter how many men you saw they were still in the tiny minority.

CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged · 03/03/2009 12:52

I have had counselling, i was alot worse than this before i had it, i have been thinking recently about seeking some more though.

I am actually very happy when i am not thinking about this sort of thing.

Thank you for all being nice, i was expecting at least a few nasty comments.

OP posts:
warthog · 03/03/2009 12:55

i'm so sorry cyswinc. i think you are amazing to have overcome all of that. what a strong person. shame on those that have betrayed you.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 03/03/2009 12:57

I am sorry you have had such an awful time in the past, and glad that you have escaped and made a new life for yourself.

onepieceofcremeegg · 03/03/2009 13:00

Wishing you strength and support for the future. If you seek more counselling I hope that you are able to find the "right" person who will facilitate further healing/recovery with you.

dittany · 03/03/2009 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyRioja · 03/03/2009 13:08

This reply has been deleted

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CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged · 03/03/2009 13:12

Ruby, the reason i did it is because i would never have been able to live with myself if i had to hurt someone else to get my money, i would never mug anyone, or harm anyone, i purely sold the only thing i had that people wanted.

OP posts:
Jux · 03/03/2009 13:12

Huge respect to you.

I have a friend who was a WG - her abusive husband forced her to work in the parlour. I don't know how many people she has told, but I was very flattered that she told me.

There is one good thing about having been a long way down, and that is that you have come through it, and are not going to go down there again. That can be very strengthening and self-affirming. Hope I'm not being trite.

prettyfly1 · 03/03/2009 13:15

Well done op. It was so very brave of you too share the reality of the other side of the coin. Fwiw, you sound incredibly intelligent - you were young and did what you had to to survive but you also had the strength to get out. I hope you find peace with yourself, you deserve it.

RubyRioja · 03/03/2009 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.