Being a sex worker 'of whatever end' and what it *really* involves

[CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged]

I ran away from home when i was a young teenager and because i needed money so i sold my body.
The other thread in relationships atm has really annoyed me because with the experience i have it has not been fun and games and i feel as though OFFS is trying to glam it up when the reality is alot more dismal.
I actually worked in massage parlours, which most of the 'WG' population do, its safer because there are other people there. Although that doesnt stop what goes on behind closed doors.
I have, on my first day as a 'WG' had the guy take the condom off, without my knowledge and come inside me. I have given guys a blowjob, for them to them go outside, tell the receptionist i have over charged him and had my money taken away from me, i used to have to give nearly half of my earnings over for 'rent' of the room. I was scammed by the person who i worked for and she stole lots of money off me.

I have had to forefill mens sick fantasies about spanking me, being pissed on, treating me like a little girl (i was 16/17) Not all of them were clean, some smelt and were sweaty.
I have had to sleep in the same bed i was fucking clients in.
When i was on my period i would pop a spong up there and carry on because i needed to work for the money.

Unlike OFFS i did get into heavy drug usuage, before i did it it was just drinking and drugs but on a smaller scale, once i started working i needed to take more and more to block it out, which in turn made me need to work more. It was a vicous circle.

I am not trying to belittle OFFS experience, just trying to make people see it isnt all glam and it IS in fact something to be ashamed of, i still get nightmares now about it, i worry what people will think, esp if i talk about it in my sleep, i am scared it coming out as i have friends not talk to me after telling them. I haven't done this for years now and wish that i could go back in time and not have done it but i can't, i can only try to make others see that it isnt something you want to do.

However much you think you need the money its not worth the heartache it brings and the self respect it destroys.

I too tried to kid myself that i was happy doing it but i wasnt, i would never let myself orgasm with a client, one day a client who was a regular and really tried everytime to make me come, suceeded. I felt raped, i know that is a word that shouldnt be thrown around but that is how i felt. he took the only thing i had to give to someone outside of work iyswim.

being a 'WG' isnt a happy place to be. nor is the aftermath.

How very heartbreaking to read what you have been through, CY. I agree with others, this is so sad and I shuddered at the very thought of these men doing this to a (young) woman. You are a very, very brave lady for having come out on top and God bless your parents for their constant help and love and not giving up on you. I really admire you for your openness and you shouldn't care what others think and say. Good friends would love you and support you, only cruel, small-minded prats would gossip about someone else's despair and pain.

Thank you for speaking out. I think you are a voice of thousands in an industry that is glammed up but when you look behind the scenes it's dark, dirty and abusive. For every WG that's having fun on the job there are 500 who are being mistreated and broken.

Ruby you are right, i put my parents through hell, years after it had all happened my mum told me that she and my dad thought they would only get me back in a coffin.

I have done some unspeakable things, and in fact i got pregnant around that time too and used to say that i would let my child do drugs in the house so i knew what they were up too i miscarried and i truely think it was a blessing in disguise, although i still ache when my dute date comes around.

I do feel guilty for the things i have put my family through (including giving my little sister drugs, fortunately she wasnt stupid enough to follow me down my path) i broke my mums foot and have smashed thigs in the house and stole from them, so i have actually hurt them alot, and for some reason it seemed more acceptable to do it to them because they were family.

People are much more ashamed of doing things like prostitution because its much more degrading than stealing off someone, you feel dirty, especially when you have some huge fat guy puffing away on top of you, dripping his sweat on your face.

I will NEVER go through that again, i would rather go without (although if i couldnt feed my DC and had no other choice i would, but i dont think i would ever be in that situation ever)

I think you're very brave to post this and, as others have said, incredibly strong to have been through such an experience and come out the other side. I'm glad you're doing so well

Dear me, this thread has made me cry. I wish I could go back and hug that tortured young girl you used to be, although I am sure you would not have accepted it then.

OP, you are to be commended for knowing yourself and managing to get out of that life. I feel proud of you, even though I don't know you.

The people who have turned their backs on you, once knowing your past, ought to be ashamed of themselves

WOW what a brave and frank OP, a complete contrast to OFFs post isn't it.

cyswinc - do you think you would have been spared this if prostitution was legalised and regulated? I don't think i know the answer.

Sorry AF, i didnt intend to make anyone cry, just to show the sordid, headfucking side to the industry. I often wish i could go back and speak to myself at 14 when i started going off the rails (i had quite a tramatic experianc which led to that which i dont want to go into) and tell myself not to start doing drugs, to listen to my parents because they know better than me, to get on with school and to NOT sell my body.

LEM i do think it will help WGs because it will hopefully stop young girls being pimped out but i dont think it would have helped me, i was never attacked in a violent way, most of the damage was in my head, if they legalised and regulated they still wont know what goes on behind closed doors, what i would like to see is heavy sentances for pimps and 'madames', rather than wgs having half their earnings taken in 'rent' for the room, there should be a limit on how much they have to pay, of course the parlour needs to make money too but they are so greedy.

I do think people need to be educated about this, although wouldnt have a clue how to go about it, its not something you want to be made into an 'everyday' type thing but people need to know the psychological effects before getting involved.

I so glad you've been able to escape this and make a happy life for you and your family. Don't be ashamed the only ones who should be are the men who abused you.

I hate that people try to glamourise prositution.

Good luck to you.

< quiet sniffle >

Thank you so much for being frank with us. You certainly paint a vivid picture - it must've been awful for you.

You shouldn't feel any guilt for decisions you made as a 17 year old, and for horrible things that you couldn't change. You are being too hard on yourself!

I fully get how you are reluctant to tell people because of the trust thing. I can only suggest that you look on that period of your life as no-one's business but yours. But if you are forced to confront it (eg. meet someone from back then), do so without guilt and be proud that you have moved on.

Well done, and very best wishes to you

Aww, there there, its ok

I am safe now and dont live in the same place now, and if it helps you like it does me, the woman who stole all the money off me's boyfriend went to jail for dealing heroin, with my help, so i feel like i helped karma sort them out.

THO i do approach it as no-one elses business but mine, i have told BFs in the past but they have nearly always reacted badly to it, the one i saw for a while when i was doing it used to want sex all the time because if i "do it for them" i should "do it for him" on demand, when he wants, i split up with him and he then tried blackmail me, telling me i should give him £50 a week or he would tell all my friends, but tbh i was always too out of my face to care so refused.

I would love to one day be with a man who i would be able to tell and know he wouldnt treat me any differently but i dont think i will ever trust anyone that much so i just push it to the back of my mind and get on with life.

Thank you again for the lovely comments, nearly everyone has made me shed a tear, i find it so hard when people are nice to me, i feel like my past doesnt matter

What a brave person you are, also such a brave post to make us see the other side (as you put it).

There are 'nice' men out there, you need to take your time and and you will find a real gem. Good luck.

What an amazing confession. Well done to you for having the strength to illustrate to us the reality of your situation, whilst I am sure not unique, many women/men suffer everyday, but it is so often contrued in an either trite or tabloid, judgey ways.
You are very brave, your DC are lucky to have you and your parents are amazing.

Your past does matter but not in the way you think it does. It matters because you have been brave enough to talk openly about it, possibly highlighting real dangers to other women who may think this is their only option and stopping them. That makes you a very special person. To take something horrific and make it something positive, even in a little way is one of the biggest things we can do as humans. You dont need to feel ashamed of yourself, feel proud.

pretty much agree with all the posters here.

hope you get some sound sleep namechanged.

Wow what a brave story. Kudos to you for being so frank.. I'm glad your life is better for you now

CYSWINC, are you in a relationship at the moment?

You deserve somebody to take care of you, and accept you just the way you are, mis-spent youth 'n' all

yes,as you tell your story is exactly as it is.a sordid and exploitative experience for WG

not glam,no nice rich guys,no rescue by handsome hero.just pimps,pushers,pricks

in my experience no WG comes in as a choice.usually necessity,running from some one something.vulnerable women treated unspeakably

Thankyou for sharing your story canyousee - Im glad things are better for you now

AF i am not in a relationship atm, i tend to drive men away with my paranoia, and tend to end up going for guys who treat me badly, i hold out hope though that one day i can be with someone i can trust and will respect me.

SM oh, how i dreamed that my richard gere would come along and save me, and i even had a regular tell me that i didnt need to do what i was doing, that i could go and live with him and he would make sure i had everything i needed, but the other girls there convinced me that he was only after the free sex. i regretting not going with him, but i am glad i didnt now because i might not be where i am now.

everything i have gone through has moulded me into me, even though i have experienced more than my fair share of nasties, it has made me what i am now. i cant change it so i have to just get on with it.

human experience including adversity does shape us.and you've had it in spadefuls but through your own grit,determination,and ability you have survived.well done

use your reflective abilities to make sense of it all.

What a thoughtful and moving OP. I don't have anything particular to add but just wanted to add a message of support.

CanYouSee, sorry to pop out a cliche but you should be proud of yourself.