Just an observation really

[bestfriendswithbenefits]

Why do some ( many? ) intelligent, nice men always go for a certain type of woman? Simpering, fluffy women who massage their ego's and who you wouldn't think was their type at all. I guess the ego-massaging is the answer really isn't it?

I just find it frustrating. Men who I respect, value their opinions, just seem to think with dicks I suppose.

I suppose I am a bit put out, because I'm not that kind of woman, and I obviously haven't got "it" whatever it exactly is.

Are you a best friend with benefits though? As my granny would say, if you're handing out free samples, they don't need to buy owt

Sorry if that's flippant and you really are upset though: my brain seems stuck in Inane Mode today...

My Dh is intelligent and nice and I am NOT fluffy, honestly.

Bestfriends, sorry was flippant, are you having a hard time of it?

When I was at Uni I went through a spell of being dumped for petite blondes with short hair (I am 5ft 9", and had long brown hair). So I do see where you're coming from.

Hope you're OK

Perhaps these men want to have the upper hand in their partnership, no-one brighter than them, perhaps they are control freaks on the quiet?

One of the answers to your question is
that the type of woman you describe
gives us men the warm fuzzy feeling of being needed.

Is nice!

Bestfriends - I'm by no means a giggly girly type. Like Lizzy I'm tall, taller than a lot of blokes I used to date (5'11"), I used to teach scuba diving (in England, no Ursula Andres moments for me, I lived in a massive dry suit and hood - not attractive) I work in a very male dominated environment so I'm no gentle flower. But I do know the type you're referring to. My best friend and I used to marvel that all the cool blokes at work always ended up with these tiny petite elfin like ditzy girls who worked in PR and giggled a lot. We were amazed. You will find the one that isn't in to these types of women, and trust me, they're worth holding on to (they tend not to be the chest-beating neanderthal types, a bit more interesting and fun - well my dh is)

bestfriendwithbenefits - I know the sort of woman you mean and they drive me mad.

Intelligent, well sorted women who speak their mind will frighten a lot of men off .. but not all of them.

Not all of us like blondes either .

I am fluffy and massage my mans ego, we all like to feel good about ourselves. He does it to me as well. I am certainly not simpering.

If I wasn't married abetadad, I'd flirt in a very un giggly girly way with you It's so nice to hear my dh wasn't a quirk of nature!

Sorry for my forwardness, goes with the territory. Plus I'm a bit giddy cos I left the lid off a marker pen in my tiny office

Being fluffy doesn't necessarily make you stupid.

I am "fluffy" but I dont want to be, its just how I come across (its more shy really than anything) but am intelligent (before wine) and am not simpering or WAG material.

I am 5f4 and have dark hair so not the idea you have in mind.

I just think its wrong to typecast "fluffy"

Help yourself to "simpering" though as thats not me!!

some successful men feel threatened by the more intelligent woman and some also prefer a very traditional home maker, rather than someone who has her own life/career.
Having said that, it is a mistake to stereotype, and many intelligent men want an indpendent intelligent woman-maybe you have just not met th e right one yet?

I changed my name a little while ago to post on a thread about secrets, and forgot to change it back - I was only a best friend with benefit once, for a very short period of time, and won't be doing it again in a hurry! Will change my name back at some point. The bloke, who I still consider my best friend, stopped shagging me when he met a sappy, simpering, ego massaging fluff - but that's okay, I wouldn't want to be anything other than friends with him anyway, it was a lesson learned.

I just seem to have met men like this all throughout my life, and I obviously make an excellent friend, and a crappy romantic prospect.

I'm really okay, thank you for your concern. It was not much more than an observation. Better to have good friends in your life, than crappy relationships

Please don't ever change and become one of those simpering bits of fluff, I've seen so many capable women do it, and it really makes me disrespect them. I knew one who had genius level IQ, was really successful and completely played down her intelligence all the time she was around men. We used to go skiing a lot and despite being the most fantastic skiier she'd pretend she couldn't ski because she thought all the blokes would be intimidated by her if she was better than them. I don't totally blame her because a lot of the time it's a confidence thing. I guess she didn't have enough confidence in her self to just be herself and felt she had to play up to get a bloke, but it used to frustrate the hell out of me. But then I was always single so probably jealous too

It drives me MAD when intelligent women do the whole "I'm just a girl" routine. Especially at work, but also in relationships.

One of our male friends has a girlfriend like this, and the worst thing is that even though I don't want to be like her, when we are in the same room I still feel like a big lumbering, unkempt, coarse, unfeminine man/woman hybrid. (Under normal circumstances I'd consider myself to be none of those things). I find myself thinking that her MO is more attractive- though my dp assures me that he doesn't want a fluffy bird.

It's strange. Very strange. And makes me wonder how far we've evolved, really- myself included.

BFWB - its because us men are superficial beasties who are more easily seduced by what they see than what they hear/interact with/laugh with/smile with.
We do learn though, with time.
Intelligence is deeply attractive - its just not that obvious to us simple males at first look!
GDIT

I am a tall, bolshy, educated woman. Some would call me a 'ball breaker' or some such guff. I developed a keen radar for 'Men Who Like Simperers' early on in life and simply steered clear of them. I agree, they exist in abundance and are annoying, but there are plenty of men out there who like strong, opinionated, passionate women. DH is one

I knew DH was the one for me when, after I turned up for our first date without makeup, ate a huge dinner and beat him in a 'most outrageous travel story' competition, he sighed with relief that I was not a fluffy type and asked me out again.

why would others preferences in a partner bother you?
and why is it such a negative thing for someone to have certain preferences just because you don't go along with them?

Don't those eyelash fluttering, 'Oh, you're so funny/clever]/strong'-type women annoy you, then, mayorquimby?

"if you're handing out free samples, they don't need to buy owt"

funny granny

I very rarely recognise these stereotypes

I don't know any simpering fluffy women

Oh god, I knew a fair few at my old workplace. There was one that used to sit on our bosses desk during her lunch hour gushing and laughing at his jokes .

In fact, there were a handful of extreme eyelash flutterers. The ones who will ignore a room full of women and say 'What do you think, John?' flutter

Lucky you, MP. I had a university friend who used to put on this whole routine as soon as a bloke hoved into view. It was foul (to me, not the blokes), I think because it was sooooo false. No respect for them or herself, that's why it bothered me.