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Original poster

How you would you feel about this?

43 replies

savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 09:53

If a friends dh's xp killed herself, he discovered the body and didn't arrange a funeral for her, just let hospital take her. Also lied to her friends about what had happened to her, said she'd moved out. This was 13 year ago and he has only ever told my friend. it's changed my opinion of him, and i know friend finds it scary. They're having problems anyway and are likely to split up but this really disturbs me

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 28/02/2009 09:56

Maybe he thought family would Arrange the funeral. Maybe he felt her friends would somehow blame him for her killing herself. You just don't know full circumstances here .......

Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 09:57

She wasn't in contact with her family, so no they didn't arrnage anything

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Songbird · 28/02/2009 09:58

Does sound a bit iffy, but tread carefully! You don't know all, or even half the facts, probably.

Songbird · 28/02/2009 09:59

Anyway, 13 years ago? WHat bearing does it have on anything now? Just what sort of character he is?

Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:02

He's quiet and aloof. Has no friends and syas some awful things to my friend. His temper scares her & he knows that but it doesn't stop him when he's angry

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 28/02/2009 10:04

Suicide is a horrible thing. Bet he would benefit from some counselling.

frazzledgirl · 28/02/2009 10:04

If she genuinely doesn't feel safe with him then she shouldn't be with him, never mind what happened 13 years ago.

Simple as that.

oopsagain · 28/02/2009 10:05

would there not have been a post mortem?
maybe even something in the paper.
Sounds completley dodgy to me...
i don't think her friends would have accepted "she just moved away" without finding something more- do you?

Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:05

She suggested that a few years ago but he refused and said he didn't need it

OP posts:
Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:06

oopsagain, i agree. Apparetnly she took an overdose of prescription drugs. The dh apparantly can't remember what they were. The police were involved, but i imagine that's normal when someone kills themself

OP posts:
solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 28/02/2009 10:07

Never mind what may or may not have happened 13 years ago (you weren't there and neither ws your friend, so it's irrelevant). If you think he is abusing her, which it sounds like you do, then can you get her to contact WOmen's AId for support and advice? Or contact them yourself?

Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:09

frazzle - when she's behaving in a happy postive way, he's mainly nice to her. But he doesn't seem to take things she says seriously. He left to live with another man a while ago and then came back. The dh forgot when she and Om met up a few days ago :0

OP posts:
frazzledgirl · 28/02/2009 10:10

Sorry, SHE left or HE did?

And what did the DH forget?

Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:10

I sort of feel that it's 13 year ago is irrelevant - it was still something he did

OP posts:
Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:11

SHE left because she was so unhappy(she told him 2 yrs ago she's leave if things didn't improve, he wouldn't take it seriuously) and then got together with OM. He forgot!

OP posts:
solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 28/02/2009 10:13

Savannah: do you think this actually happened? Are you trying to imply that the man murdered his XP? Or do you think he has made up the story to frighten your friend?

It is very difficult when you are aware that a friend is in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, because often any criticism of the partner will make the friend cling to the partner and cut you off. Do have a look at the Women's Aid site, you should find some good advice there.

Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:15

I'm sure he didn't murder her. he'd have been in prison and i know he hasn't. 100% sure he wouldn't have made it up. I'm pretty sure friend will leave dh anyway and other man still wants to be with her

OP posts:
Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:16

Bizarre he forgot she was seeing OM?!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 28/02/2009 10:18

So she is cheating on her husband?

Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:20

No, she's not cheating. she was with other man for a while while she and dh were separated. They still meet occasionally as friends and her dh knows all about it. She told him before she moved back in. He knows that still meet up from time to time, he says he doesn't mind

OP posts:
solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 28/02/2009 10:20

I am getting a bit muddled by this. So you have some hearsay information that this man's previous partner killed herself and he didn't, in your opinion, behave appropriately. You think your friend is unhappy with him because he has a nasty temper but you think she is going to leave hiim for another man, and he doesn't seem bothered?
I am not sure you need to be involved in the situation, particularly. It sounds like your friend knows what she wants to do and thinks it's feasible.

Original poster
savannahthefirst · 28/02/2009 10:23

Probaly dont need to be involved but she;s a very good friend of mine and she like to talk alot about it all to me. On one hand he syas he doesn't want her to leave but then on the other "forgets" when she's seeing OM - confusing!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 28/02/2009 10:24

Sounds like as she has decided to leave,she's using what happened 13 years ago as way of validating her decision!!!

frazzledgirl · 28/02/2009 10:24

I think she needs to decide if she wants to be with her DH. If not, she should leave.

Once she has left, she should decide if she wants to be with the other man. If so, they should get together.

Separate issues, IMHO.

frazzledgirl · 28/02/2009 10:25

And I agree with Brie, if she wasn't bothered enough about the dead-XP stuff to leave him before she got together with the OM, then it's more of an excuse than a reason.