Hi. Back. Thanks for the replies.
The problem really isn't that I'm stressed at work and bringing it home, it's that come rain or shine, whether DS is screaming and DW has had a terrible night, I have to be out of the door at quarter to seven in the morning, then I'm not back until after seven o'clock each night, exhausted.
It's not like I just have a hard day at work, then get home and want to vent about it, it's the way the actual process of it all affects everything.
'Put up and shut up' comments aren't really helpful, as it's not really just me complaining about it that's causing the problem. It's that I'm physically not there when I'm needed, and am feeling blamed for this, and also when I am there I can't just stick a false smile on my face and 'pretend'.
You can cope for a while, or fill yourself with caffeine, but eventually the crash comes and there's not a lot you can do about it.
Where I am, there are no 'boys' for me to 'cut loose' with, and i don't have time, energy or even a place to start making new friends. I can accept this, and am not really complaining about this, but with everything together, I really am going a bit nuts.
I also didn't really forget the birthday. I knew exactly when it was, just that with everything going on, I couldn't get anything organised.
The work situation definitely needs changing, but there's absolutely nothing I can do whilst I'm actually in the job. My only hope there is to get a new one, and I am looking absolutely all the time. Every single day I'm applying for jobs. Really. And I've even been contacting companies directly, which has resulted in a couple of good leads, and one interview, but that job really wouldn't have worked out for various reasons.
I'm very good at what I do. I work in PR and am a copy writer, and have actually got products on BBC TV programmes for four weeks in a row, just this month, which is really not an easy thing to do, and is worth about ten grand a time, in terms of the amount you'd have to pay to do this on even a commercial channel. Which means in just one month I've much, much more than paid for my salary for a year. But I'm not getting any recognition for this, or even much of a thank you, despite it leading to enquiries flooding in. I should be getting my arm bitten off by potential employers, based on the results I get, but for some reason I'm not. Which is kinda disheartening.
It's just a case of keeping going, ploughing through it all, and hoping that the little tic in the corner of my left eye that I now keep getting doesn't get noticed by anyone else, or turn into a really embarrassing full on facial spasm, and then make my brain shut down properly one day, or anything like that.
As for running a bookshop, I know I could do it and make it work. Because you don't just sit in a bookshop all day. hoping that customers come in. You specialise in a small variety of niche areas. You make it a destination, that people with interests in these areas go to, as well as offering a good range of other material. You continually market yourself in the specialist-interest press, blogs and websites that cater to these readerships. You hold events with speakers giving talks. You invite local authors. You set up a writing group. And gaming groups - from Dungeons and Dragacts to Bridge for biddies. You exhibit art by local artists and let them sell it there, for a small commission. It's not just a bookshop, it's a place for the book-loving community, and the niche-interest communities you're catering for, and artists. You even have a bloody coffee machine for them to use, which adds to the profits, but is much cheaper than Starbucks, and makes your shop a more pleasant alternative.
That's how to run a bookshop. But anyway... I don't have the capital for it, so it's something for the future, not for now.