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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hard decision to make

60 replies

Lianne77 · 18/02/2009 14:44

For the last 5 months I have been seeing a guy who has for the last 5 months told me more lies than I thought possible. It all got to much and I ended back last weekend after giving him the chance to come clean. The lies were all pretty pointless and I dont knwo what he got out of it but they were lies anyway. Im a single mum with two lovely little girls. His family life has always been a bit strange, they are very wealthy but not close, it turns out he didnt actually have anything, no house, no job nothing. On the weekend just gone he took an overdose. He has been diagnosed as having a nervous breakdown which in turn has possibly caused him to lie so much. I have now met up with his parents and all together we are trying to help him, i.e. get him somewhere to rent, help him find a job, some counselling etc. He is a really lovely person apart from the lies that he has told. I seem to be getting a lot of grief from my friends saying he doesnt deserve another chance, but he only has me other than his parents and dont feel like I can walk away. I cant bear seeing people suffer and to try and kill yourself I think is a big cry for help. Can anyone give me some advice? He is not a threat to my children and I will never put them in any danger whatsoever, can someone like that change??

OP posts:
dittany · 18/02/2009 16:14

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Lianne77 · 18/02/2009 16:21

Im gonna do my best to get out of this asap, please believe that my children always come first though.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 18/02/2009 16:23

if he has had a breakdwon and has not been working, do you really think he is going to get back into being a fully functioning working full time person?

i think you are all kidding yourselves

just walk away

dittany · 18/02/2009 16:31

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lessonlearned · 18/02/2009 16:53

A 'breakdown' is a non diagnosis - it's something professionals say when the avoid telling you/making the diagnosis!
This would be consistent with a personality disorder rather than a mental health issue.
If it was depression then I'm sure the doctor would have been more specific!

Flightattendant27 · 18/02/2009 17:01

I'm with Dittany -

  1. why aren't you angry that this person ahs lied to you all this time?
  1. I think his family probably have seen it all before and know the story
  1. What kind of 'help' have you offered? What form does 'being there' and 'supporting him' take? This is quite important - because obviously you're not going to offer material help to someone who is basically a stranger and a liar, emotional support sounds like it will be needed but not in the way a lay person can offer it - he needs more than just counselling I think.

I'm just not even sure what you could offer him tbh that would help rather than hinder his recovery. That's not to diss you, it's just that his needs are beyond the usual friendship type thing by the sound of it.

I hope you do manage to get out of it, keep strong, this isn't about him it's about you and self preservation.

dittany · 18/02/2009 17:05

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Flightattendant27 · 18/02/2009 17:14

Dittany, how did you get so clever at this sort of thing? I find myself hanging from your every word lately..

AnyFucker · 18/02/2009 18:17

dittany is very wise always

dittany · 18/02/2009 18:35

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