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Relationships

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Original poster

How long before you lived with your DP/DH ?

75 replies

fruitycake · 17/02/2009 16:16

I'm just wondering because I have been with my DP for almost 4 years now and it seems like one excuse after another when it comes to him moving in. It does get me down. So how was it for everyone else? Was anyone elses dp this scared of commitment?

OP posts:

Surfermum · 17/02/2009 18:30

About 20 minutes. We'd been away with our club for the weekend, he gave me a lift home from the minibus and has never left. Been together 10 years, married 8. Glad it's not just me with those circumstances .

jemart · 17/02/2009 18:32

About six years, met at college, eventually moved in together after finishing University.

We got together when we were teenagers though, had we first met when older, I expect would have been much quicker to live together.

MistyGee · 17/02/2009 18:44

We'd known of each other for 5 years, after seeing each other at a friend's party, he came round next day for pizza and never left!

Different personalities obviously move at different speeds when it comes to things like this though, maybe he just wants to take things slow and steady.
Some people just like being independent. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you...what has he said on the subject?

TheThoughtPolice · 17/02/2009 18:47

4 months

Long distance (ish) relationship was very hard to maintain. Once I'd sold my hous ehtere was nothing to keep me where I was so I upped sticks and moved to him. Been here ever since (8yrs, 3 houses, 1 child)

loupiots · 17/02/2009 18:53

About 2 weeks (or 2 dates worth). He was living with his cousin and just never really went back .
Still, 10 years and a kid later, it seems to have worked out

MrsBartlet · 17/02/2009 20:48

10 months and I spent the last 7 of those in Australia whilst he was here in the UK. I moved in with him the day I got back!

Jux · 17/02/2009 21:07

I moved in with him 2 days before we got married. We got married exactly 6 weeks after we met.

blueshoes · 17/02/2009 21:08

6 months, engaged a year later and married 6 months' later.

psychomum5 · 17/02/2009 21:09

we met when I was 16.

married at 20

then moved in together.

in fact, as we only bought our flat the week of the wedding (well, completed and exchanged the same week), and it needed work doing on it, we lived with his parents for the first 4mths of our marriage, and THEN moved in together!

worked quite well luckily

Hulababy · 17/02/2009 21:14

Met at school, age 16y, in Feb 1990
Went to seperate universities and obviously lived apart then, visiting at weekends.
Moved in together when I finished university in August 1996. So 6.5 years in total

EightiesChick · 17/02/2009 22:41

2.5 years. Had been effectively living together for a long time before that though, just both still had house shares.

4andnotout · 17/02/2009 22:43

2 DAYS

LuckySalem · 17/02/2009 22:45

Ermm.... About 4 months before we OFFICIALLY moved in together but I had clothes etc over there from about 2 weeks in.

mrsdisorganised · 17/02/2009 22:50

Well have been with DH since we were 15, and he moved in with my family at 17! We got our mortgage at 18 and bought our first house, married at 20....

devilisunaccomplishedinprada · 17/02/2009 23:35

Er officially 3 months but really about 3 weeks.

naughtymummy · 17/02/2009 23:39

3 months

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 18/02/2009 11:31

Um, 7 weeks! We were engaged 5 days after we met - only between ourselves though, not to the rest of the world for a whole 8 months

Fruitstick - don't stress about comparing your relationship to others though. DH and I were living 4 hours apart, were much older, both of which focus the mind to think 'do I really want this?'. The answer was a huge resounding yes from both of us and we jumped in with both feet.
Are you older than your DP? 23 is really young - younger than my 'baby' brother. He is 25 and has only been living with his GF for 10 months, they've been together longer than DH and I.

If you are unhappy and feel he's taking the piss then by all means have it out with him, but only do that if you are prepared to walk away if you don't get the answers you want.

2rebecca · 18/02/2009 12:07

To defend his side a bit I think moving in with someone with 2 kids is alot different to just moving in with your girlfriend and if he's only 23 I can understand that he would find it a bit scary. Being a stepparent is difficult. Moving in with someone with kids is very much like marrying them, taking on the stepfather role, having discussions/arguments about discipline/ what time the kids go to bed/ helping with homework.
I'm not surprised he's keen to stay with his parents and just do the fun stuff with you.
If he's reluctant to take on this role do you really want to force it on him? It may be best for your kids to have things the way they are now where they get more of your attention and they just have to answer to you, not a reluctant stepfather.
I must admit though I'd be reluctant to keep on a relationship with a bloke who lived with his parents for 4 years whilst going out with me, but if he moved in I'd be looking at marriage soon to provide more stability. At 23 I was nowhere near ready to move in with someone or get married though and ended a relationship rather than go down that route as I felt the bloke concerned was pushing me into something I didn't want. There's time enough for mortgages, children and endless domesticity. It's different for you, you're stuck with that through having children already. Him moving in with you would change his life mush more than it will change yours.

sparkyoldbint · 18/02/2009 12:23

Maybe it's because I is old but agree with 2becs that 23 is very young to be moving in and also taking on someone else's kids.
How old are you fruity? The fact that he still lives with his parents is a bit strange - he needs to be independent first I reckon and live on his own. Seems like you want different things so hard as it may seem, you'd be better off finding someone at the same life-stage as you.

As a postscript, I've had 3 long live-in relationships (incl. a marriage) and after my divorce 2 years ago, am in no rush at all to co-habit again! I have a lovely BF who wants to marry me but I'm being very vague about committing myself because I enjoy living on my own (with DD of 9) far too much.

Bubbaluv · 18/02/2009 12:29

I have to agree with 2rebecca. If he was 43 I'd say he was shirking, but at 23 he's still a kid himself and taking on your gf's 2 children is an enourmous ask no matter how much you love your gf.
At 23 I think he's in danger of becoming a mummy's boy if he stays at home much longer, but he's clearly just not ready to make such a huge commitment to you and your dcs, and forcing the issue won't do anyone any favours.
I think you need to decide for yourself if you can hang about and be patient until he's ready (it may be 10 years, maybe never) without pressuring him.

leftangle · 18/02/2009 13:02

About 18months here. When we'd been together about 3 months he had to move from his rented flat and we both felt it was a bit too soon but I promised that next time he had to move (one year contracts each time) I'd sell up and we'd get somewhere together. We ended up squeezing into my tiny flat for a lot longer than intended but it worked all right and meant I felt much more secure about buying a house with him than would have done without the time living togehter.

I agree with others though - everyone is different and has different circumstances. But 4 years does sound a lot.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/02/2009 15:50

took us 8years, but we did meet at 18 and tbh we couldnt afford a place, so i lived at my parents and his mum moved away when he was 19, so he rented a tiny bedsit and i stayed there at weekends much to my mothers disgust!!!

we were going to buy after a few years, but my parents told me to stay with them for 3years, i paid £60 a month to them and put rest away in high savings account and then we had a big deposit

brought a house when we were 26

as you get older, you tend to move in quicker, but I think the OP bloke wants his cake and eating it as well

why would he want to move out from his parents, where he prob pays min rent, and maybe gets washing done, doesnt have to clean etc

to move out, pay rent/mortgage is scarey, let alone tsking on 2 small children as well

but if you are not happy fruitcake then you need to have a chat with him - see where the land lies, does he see himself moving in/where is your relationship going etc

purplemonkeydishwasher · 18/02/2009 15:53

9 months. got married 4 years later and have been together for 11 years.

and I am NEVER EVER telling my children that!!

MumOfBaby · 18/02/2009 22:45

3 days. Do I hold the record? I went round, stayed the night (no hanky panky may I add) and never moved out lol. Added things day by day until he gave me my own cupboard to get rid of my clutter.

Then I was in!

TheRealPhartiphukborlz · 18/02/2009 22:47

9 months, but my houseshare accommodation was beign sold, so he offered, i accepted. unfortunately

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