AIBU? Would quite like to murder DH by cutting his bollocks off

[homicidalmatriach]

Okay here's the story, several children, each one with a more horrible pregnancy than the last, lots of complications, caesarians, continuous vomiting during pregnancy.

I am not sure whether I want another baby after all that but DH decided 'enough is enough' and has refused to have sex with me for a year in case I get pregnant.

I suggested he had the snip and he refuses because I might die and he might want to make a baby with someone new .

He thinks this is perfectly reasonable. I've pointed out he'd have two kids still even if I did kick the proverbial bucket. Also unless it happens very soon he'll be too fecking old!

But he still refuses to even consider it. Now I am breastfeeding and over 35 so not a good candidate for the pill, GP says the coil won't be a good choice for me (very heavy periods already and apparently my cervix is in the wrong place ).

Is he just being a shit or am I missing something?

sorry but he obviously doesn't like sex that much...or he'd be willing to wear a bloody bin bag let alone a condom afetr 1 month let alone 13!

spineless fucker

he is scared isn't he ?

Sidge - PoPs are mini-pills yes? Well that's an option I guess. But I'm just fucking annoyed that yet again I'm being forced to take care of things.

I feel the need to point out that I don't think cutting his bollocks off would necessarily cause death. You might need to think this through a bit more .

Technicalities aside, YANBU. He's being a twat. Sex is a healthy and essential part of a loving relationship - without it your long term future and chance of happiness is stuffed. Does he really want to reach old age like this?

No, I don't think he likes sex very much. Shame really because I do and I'm bloody good at it! Feel conned, married a virile man and he's withered within five years

There's always divorce, not ideal but neither is with holding sex because he's not man enough to take his turn at contraception.

I'm not suprised you're angry.

I think the problem is about him not wanting sex at all and this is a good excuse to not have to face up to that. Think I'd be booking an appointment with relate to get to the bottom of it tbh. How long do you think your marriage is going to last if this is the end of sex?

WOW - my DH gets arsey after 1 month but he's already done 13!!!!

So what exactly does he suggest as an alternative?

What about him going to the doctors with you to discuss contraception, obviously after you've prepped the doctor!

quint - that might work

clearly he suggests just not bothering having sex

er, is he getting it elsewhere?

Sorry to even mention it, but I just can't get over 13 months without!

You need a serious chat. Involving the words "if you think I'm waiting until I'm post-menopausal to have sex again, you can think again. I'd prefer it was with you, but it really need not be"

Mirena coil would be choice for you--hormonal so no periods nd can be left for up to 5 years, no such thing as cervix in "wrong" place that's just a cope out by your GP.
The you could have it taken out if YOU decide you want to have it out and populate the world at some point.

My dp just said there's no way he will ever been getting the snip so I will probably have to consider this at some pointhere

Sorry but my DH's reaction was to say
'are you sure he's not hiding an STD from you?'

My dp said that too

Yes POP is mini pill. Progesterone only, similar to depo injection, Mirena etc. Cervix in the wrong place means it would be awkward to fit ie go to FPC as your GP can't do it!

But I agree it's the principle of the thing. And this seems to go deeper than contraception for your DH I think?

What about a diagphram (sp) - my exh was like this too. Wouldn't have anyone messing with his bits. And went off sex bigtime. Never got to the bottom of it. This went on for a good few years.

He has since gone on to father two more dcs. Children were never on his agenda at all!

I know what lack of sex can do? Esp if you really like it!

Sorry but it doesn't look good.

There's more to it than this, but FYI I was sterilised aged 37 three years ago, went back to work the next day (admittedly that was a bit ambitious) and have had no problems at all since. My H was 47 but refused in case one of our kids died and he wanted to be able to replace them?!!!! I said if that happens, I'll be at least 40 before I can even think about it and no way am I having a baby at that age. Ours were 8 and 6 when I was sterilised.

Is he avoiding penetrative sex, or all sexual contact?

If the first, then he has some logic; if the second, then it seems very likely that avoiding sex is one of the main motivations.

I have to say we avoided penetrative sex for many months due to fear of pregnancy. And I do sympathise with men not wanting to have a vasectomy - it really doesn't sound nice. but this sounds like a major dealbreaker - it might well be for me. It is not unreasonable for you to want sex with your husband. I am amazed when on MN at the number of couples where one partner has unilaterally decided not to have sex, for YEARS sometimes. Not reasonable in most cases IMO.

FWIW, I would suggest you both have couples counselling - and I don't always suggest this as a universal panacea.
I think that although you have done all the physical suffering, he has not coped with the psychological trauma and he is trying to retionalise his behaviour. It sounds like he cannot admit his deep fear even to himself and he sees you as the person who conqueres all, making him feel inadequate.

LL, he is having difficulty with the psychological trauma??

what about the OP

she lived it, felt every contraction, every pain imaginable

I know lots of men don't cope well with seeing their dp's hurting/suffering

but ffs, he needs to get a grip

So.....we talked last night and he has agreed to come to the family planning centre to talk about it (they have couple counselling there as well). So hopefully we'll find a solution. But just in case I've been sharpening the Sabatiers!