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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fed up

32 replies

annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 11:19

We are on the brink of having DCs taken into care. Despite my parents saying 'we want to help as much as we can' they are more often not able to help us than able. They have health problems wihch I realise makes it difficult but part of me is so resentful that they aren't doing more. I needed them to have my 2 younger DCs on wednesday and it took a lot of work to persuade them to help. They had previously said they would take thme but then DS2 was ill. Normally I would cancel whatever I had planned if one of my DCs are ill but this was a very important ss meeting that I had to attend.
Today I have to go to CAB. This appointment has already been cancelled once and I really need to go. But yet again parents can't help. I didn't ask today..I asked 3 days ago.
I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm so fed up right now.Just feeling very alone.
Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:
poshwellies · 13/02/2009 11:23

Why are you children on the brink of being taken into care annemarie?

Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 11:24

I have clinical depression and things in the home went badly downhill. They've given us 2 weeks to get it organised.

OP posts:
poshwellies · 13/02/2009 11:27

Have you got any outside help other than relying on parents who aren't fully supportive (My parent's are the same btw).I cannot believe you wouldn't have some professional help to get you through this (had clinical depression myself).

How about homestart or your CPN?

Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 11:31

No homestart and my cpn isn't due back for 2 weeks at least. I'm so annoyed that I can't rely on my parents. They tell people how supportive they are but the practical stuff is what I need right now. I have a sister nearby but she's ill so she can't help.

OP posts:
Supercherry · 13/02/2009 11:31

Annemarie you will just have to take your children with you then, tough though it may be. CAB will understand. Take some toys with you or some snacks. What's the worse that can happen?

What do you mean by badly gone downhill? You don't have to answer this.

Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 11:35

I've taken them before but they are a huge distraction. DD is only 1 so into everything and the rooms are tiny.
It's just turned into a tip. Very messy and cluttered. SS decided it was a bad environment for them to be in.

OP posts:
poshwellies · 13/02/2009 11:37

I know this won't help you immediately but here is the link for homestart-have a look and see if there's any volunteers in your area.

I agree with cherry,take the children along today (I know it will be stressful) but if it's important,you can't do to miss another appointment.

Have you got a HV? Very often thay can be very supportive and get you in touch with people who can support you (and your children) through your depression.

unavailable · 13/02/2009 11:42

I remember you talking about a partner in your previous post annemarie. Cant he look after the children whilst you go to CAB?

Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 11:46

i don't get on very well with my hv. I know i sound really pathetic. I'm just having a bad morning and my family are just making me feel worse. I told Dh on wednesday that I am feeling very alone right now. I've been posting on mental health topic and people have been lovely.

OP posts:
Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 11:47

He's not home today. He's at his jobsearch programme today. He's not been all week because of the meeting we had wednesday, trying to organise a solicitor etc so he really had to go today.

OP posts:
lilacclaire · 13/02/2009 11:49

Can't they provide you with a support worker for a while until you get back on your feet?
Am shocked that they are considering taking your kids off you unless we're not getting the full picture?

poshwellies · 13/02/2009 11:50

You don't sound pathetic.Depression is bloody awful to live with (and when you are a mother,there never seems to be light at the end of the tunnel)

I can't believe ss have given you 2 weeks to get 'sorted', depression just doesn't work like that.

Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 11:52

lilacclaire- genuinely just over the house. No abuse or anything i promise. I love my kids so much, i wouldn't let them be hurt. I've been very low and not on medication until recently.Ihave a family support worker who is coming with me to CAB.

OP posts:
unavailable · 13/02/2009 11:53

Then take the children with you.

They may be a distraction, but it will be better than postponing the CAB apppointment again. At least you can start the ball rolling with them.

(You dont sound pathetic, but you do sound a bit overwhelmed. Getting some practical advice from CAB will help, I'm sure.)

Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 11:53

They want me to sort the house and to keep taking my medication. It's been very hard to get anything done when I've been so low.

OP posts:
Supercherry · 13/02/2009 11:55

You really don't sound pathetic, you sound depressed. I should imaging every little thing is a struggle for you right now. If you can manage to get the children ready and go to CAB today just think what an achievement that will be? It will be one less thing to worry about- one more thing done. Do you make lists? I find making 'To Do' lists really helps to get things done. Tick them off as you go along. It will feel good.

Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 12:05

I make mental lists but get upset when I don't get everything done on them. Might need to be more realistic about what is actually achievable each day. Looking at childminder for DD so she can go there a few ours a week. If I can organise it so she's at cm while DS2 is at nursery then I can have some time without them to get bigger tasks done.

OP posts:
poshwellies · 13/02/2009 12:11

I found living minute from minute was best for me,as my moods could range from 'normality' to the utter pit of despair,in literally minutes.

Why aren't you taking your meds? Have you been offered any sort of counselling for your depression?

Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 12:18

I hate being dependant on the meds. Although since my first visit from cpn I am now taking them because she explained that I actually need them. She couldn't assess my mental state properly because I had so many interruptions. That's what she's planning to do when she comes back.
You've described exactly how my mood changes. I can feel ok then suddenly drop. It's horrible.

OP posts:
poshwellies · 13/02/2009 12:24

You know if you need to see your cpn ,they will come out on a emergency call for you-if you feel like things are getting worse for you.Hopefully on your next appointment will get things moving for you.

Meds are really best when you cannot function (no-one likes the thought of being on them),and taking them regularly too .

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 13/02/2009 12:24

You must take your meds love. You do need them at the moment. Many kinds of depression are due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, which the meds can fix.
I would also advise telling your support workers that your parents are unable to give you much help because of their health issues. I understand that you feel hurt and angry, but if they have health problems they are not letting you down out of malice: they can't help - and fixating on how unhelpful they are may be a symptom of your depression anyway.
Also TBH if you take your DC with you to the appointment it may make the staff keener to help you as they will be able to see how difficult things are.

lilacclaire · 13/02/2009 12:27

Don't hate taking meds, a lot of us have HAD to have them at some point in our lives, myself included. Look at them as something you need NOW at this stage in your life, not for the rest of your life.

Can you try cleaning 1 room a day? I try to keep on top of bathroom and kitchen, its really hard to get the motivation, but once its done (and stays tidy for 2 mins) I get a feeling of accomplishment.

Do you have a lot of kids? could the older ones help out with housework or keeping baby entertained whilst you do other stuff?

Original poster
annemarie30 · 13/02/2009 12:46

I have 3. My eldest son is 11, then there's 3 yearold DS2 and my DD.
I've tidied the toys and rubbish in the living room and hoovered. Really need to tackle kitchen. I have washing up on the side and a bin that really needs emptying now the binmen have been.

OP posts:
poshwellies · 13/02/2009 12:54

even if you have to stop for 5 minute break,you can get alot done in just a hour-wash up and get the worksurfaces clean(most important-makes everything seem less cluttered!-black binliner in our house and I throw everthing in that isn't important(bar childens rubbish and bills),a quick brush of the floor (or hoover)..little and often and make sure you have your breaks if you feel overwhelmed.

Good luck!

lowenergylightbulb · 13/02/2009 13:06

Look, if you had diabetes you'd take your insulin wouldn't you? Depression is a physical illness, not jut a 'feeling' and you do need the medication sweetie!!

About the house, make a written list, but put on it 2 or 3 achievable tasks per day. And do one room at a time. And for every item you complete give yourself a treat. And get DP on task too - is there any reason why he can't sort things out?

As fr your family, maybe instead of asking for childcare would they be more willing to come round and do some cleaning or do some shopping for you?