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Original poster

My dd is getting one of those horrible big earrings that look like sink plungers - help

73 replies

tearinghairout · 11/02/2009 21:58

She is 15.3. She is going out with a nice lad, quiet & well-mannered but he has a bit of a rebellious streak, and he has one of those black earrings about the size of a penny, & the hole in his ear is that big, so I'm told. Then DS told me that DD is getting one too. I didn't believe it because she loves fashion, loves Audrey Hepburn, is small & dainty, but obviously has listened to the bf. Anyway, I asked her, & she tried to hide her earrings, & said she was going up one size in one ear at the moment, & how if she took it out it would go back to a normal sized hole, but she's going to keep it & maybe make it a bit bigger.

This has come as a big shock to me. I told her it looks OK on boys but not girls, it'd look awful with nice clothes etc. & now she's not talking to me.

Am I over-reacting? Has anyone got any advice?

OP posts:

LoveSongBirdSeed · 11/02/2009 22:21

if this ear doesn't out her off nothing will

Original poster

tearinghairout · 11/02/2009 22:22

Raven, thanks for the link. Charming, aren't they?

No, she wants to work in fashion. Stil not a good look with a Chanel suit or - her favourite - prom dress.

Thanks girls, you've given me some ideas. Am off to bed now. xx

OP posts:

Cadelaide · 11/02/2009 22:22

My neighbour has those things in his ear. For months and months DP thought he was wearing some kind of odd hearing aid and would talk (too) loudly to him.

Original poster

tearinghairout · 11/02/2009 22:24

Lovebird - the plate lip is what they reminded me of, but she thinks her ear will go back to normal!!

OP posts:

LoveSongBirdSeed · 11/02/2009 22:27

well hpefully when you show her the pics she will realise your right!

Original poster

tearinghairout · 12/02/2009 09:52

OK, update - I tried to tackle the subject this morning & ask her what she intended to do, leave it in or whatever, & she said she can't take it out now because it'll bleed, & then rushed out the door to school.

So, should I insist it comes out now before it heals? Surely if it bleeds it won't be much & would be better out sooner than later?

Your thoughts please!

OP posts:

bronze · 12/02/2009 09:54

Tell her if she doesnt take it out you're reporting the people who did it. Shes 15 so will be so embarrassed by the idea she might comply.

ClaraDeLaNoche · 12/02/2009 09:59

Oh goodness I would take it out asap, then it should heal up quickly. Or maybe phone the docs and see if a nurse could help?

piratecat · 12/02/2009 10:00

I was a rebellious (quietly tho) teen, loved fashion, wanted to wear what i liked. My mum let me do that, and i thought my mum was great.

As a mum now, I hope I will be as laid back as my mum, BUT there is no way I would let my dd have one of those earrings, i think they look awful.

her boyf, obviously important to her, and she is influenced by him 'for now', but thats no forever.

I would take it off her, i really would. I don't know how, or what I would say tho. How you appraoch this is a toughie.

morningpaper · 12/02/2009 10:02

It's going to look very silly in the old people's home, where all her hair has fallen out, and she has large flappy ears slapping around on her shoulders

ClaraDeLaNoche · 12/02/2009 10:03

Sorry I didn't realise she hadn't yet agreed to take it out. I would do whatever necessary to get rid of it. Any bribes you could use?

mileniwmffalcon · 12/02/2009 10:05

it won't bleed, she just doesn't want to take it out. you don't have to have someone else do it for you, is perfectly possible to do yourself. you cannot stop her doing this and the more you make a fuss the more she will set herself against you. it takes a long time and a fair bit of commitment to get them to large sizes, chances are she'll stop at something fairly small (less than 1cm) which would probably close up if she decided she didn't want it any more.

if i were bothered (which i'm not, i have one) i'd be looking at some of the pretty smaller gauge spirals and encouraging her to get one of those, in which case she's satisfied her need to stretch somewhat but not going for the full on african tribesperson look

i'm shocked at some of the comments on here tbh - chilli ffs

mileniwmffalcon · 12/02/2009 10:06

pmsl at "i was a rebellious teen but..." comments.

stroppyknickers · 12/02/2009 10:07

tell her they are really faddish and in five years time she will look so outdated with stupid huge holes. What if she wants to wear normal earrings again?

Original poster

tearinghairout · 12/02/2009 10:10

Piratecat, my mother was really heavy-handed with me, (no earrings, no bfs etc) and looking back it only made me desperate to escape, and rebel big-time when I did.

I have consciously tried to be the opposite with her and not make a fuss about things that don't matter (eg hair colour), but yes, as you say, this isn't one of those times.

The trouble is, she's not really talking to me atm, bf has today gone on holiday with his parents so he's out of the way for 2 weeks which is good, but if she won't discuss it I'm gong to have to take away her phone/computer/ipod or something. Force her into it, which is what I've tried to avoid.

OP posts:

ClaraDeLaNoche · 12/02/2009 10:12

You've got me worried now about the future.

closetotheflame · 12/02/2009 10:17

i agree with mileniwmffalcon
i have a small one for years, just 8mm, and tbh i wouldnt go any bigger
i cant believe how melodramatic you lot are
its her ear, leave her to it
and chili?? sadistic bitch

Original poster

tearinghairout · 12/02/2009 10:18

I've tried (gently) to point out that it will look daft with wedding dress, chanel suit etc, and I don't think she intends to let it look like an African tribesperson with a fanjo flapping round her shoulders (shudder)- it's that she a) wants to please him and b)doesn't know when to stop, how long to leave it in before it's too late for it to go back.

Falcon, cheers for the feedback. And Clara, thanks for that - I will use bribery instead of coercion, maybe that's the answer .

OP posts:

GoodGrrrl · 12/02/2009 10:20

tearingmyhair- can you not just compromise with her? Agree that she can keep it in, but that she doesn't go up a gauge for at least a year? Unfortunately, the age she's at, she's almost old enough to decide for herself, plus you risk her doing things you can't see just so she can (ie piercings and tattoos under her clothes)

I like tattoos and piercings myself, although i'm not fussed on flesh tunnels on either sex.

And the bleeding thing is nonsense- what she really means is if she removes it now, it'll not go back in without alot of discomfort.

Original poster

tearinghairout · 12/02/2009 10:24

Maybe if was your little girl you'd feel different - she did something that you didn't approve of & was outside your experience, and you felt was cutting off opportunities in her life.

Do you see?

OP posts:

Original poster

tearinghairout · 12/02/2009 10:26

OK goodgrrl, so maybe the problem is facing lover-boy without it?

I will try to get her to pierce her belly-button as an alternative!

OP posts:

GoodGrrrl · 12/02/2009 10:27

of course i see what you're saying, what i'm saying is that she is close to being old enough to decide for herself, and too heavy handed an approach may have the opposite effect that you're hoping for. If this is just the initial gauge, it should be very small at the moment?

BitOfFun · 12/02/2009 10:32

Could you put pictures up of Audrey Hepburn with stupid big ear holes and a tattoo? Scratch that, it will end up in the Tate Modern...I liked the chilli suggestion myself, but if it was me, I'd probably go for the old cat's arse mouth that my mother would do, and then the tears and wailing..."I gave up drink and drugs for nine months so you could be perfect, and this is how you re-pay me, waaaargh!"

charlotteolivia · 12/02/2009 10:35

the hole gets bigger gradually with increasing the disc size.anything bigger than a five pence piece and it won't go back.however smaller things should be fine and go back. i would say definately use bribary though...why not buy her some new (normal) earrings?

BitOfFun · 12/02/2009 10:37

OOh, good idea! Beautiful dainty Audrey ones, and a trip to try on gorgeous prom dresses! Then you can cry and do my suggestions!

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