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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I was so drunk I kissed a girl in front of my DP :(

37 replies

Namechangling · 09/02/2009 10:21

I am expecting to get flamed for this so please, feel free. Oh, and I'm really not a troll either.

Me and my DP have been together just over 2 yrs, we have a DS, aged 1, together. We have had our problems, as have most new parents I'm sure. We have been to relate, mainly due to our frequent rows. We have talked about splitting up many times. We both have our faults. He is pretty unhelpful around the house, rarely picks up a sock unless I nag and nag and nag. I get stressed with the constant picking up after him and this is probably what most of our arguments tend to be about. I wish I could be less bothered by the mess and wish he could be tidier and help more but this is what we hope Relate can help us with.

We had arranged a rare night out together Saturday night and we had a babysitter overnight for the first time. I was really looking forward to some couple time together. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I got so drunk that I ended up snogging a girl in front of him in a bar. I don't fancy women and I have no idea why I would do such a thing. I can't actually remember doing it but I do remember the girl. He said one minute I was talking to her and he looked round and we were snogging. Needless to say he is gutted and is accusing me of cheating. I feel like such a bitch and I HATE cheating. I can remember the end of the night and DP literally dragging me home. I can't remember actually getting back home though. I am even wondering if I had my drink spiked. He is actually being OK with me, though I am fully expecting it to be thrown in my face in every future disagreement.

I'm not even sure what posting this on here will achieve but think I just want to get it off my chest. I'm too ashamed to talk about it in RL, I can't believe I would have cheated on my DP

OP posts:

jasper · 09/02/2009 10:51

who among us has not done some spectacularly stupid stuff while drunk?

You did not cheat.
You were blotto.

forgive yourself

Geepers · 09/02/2009 10:53

What an extraordinary thing to say Jasper.

So if the roles were reveresed and her DP had snogged a girl in front of her, would your advice be the same?

Lizzylou · 09/02/2009 10:53

You were blotto, he is being OK about it, don't dwell on it and move on.
What's done is done.

Original poster

Namechangling · 09/02/2009 10:58

I could kick myself for getting so drunk too. What a wally I am. Thanks Jasper.

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 09/02/2009 10:59

"You did not cheat.
You were blotto"

how do you work that one out? she did cheat but her husband seems to have forgiven her/put it behind him for the time being.
would you accept drunkeness as an excuse from your OH for cheating.
i think there is some serious apologising that needs doing.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 09/02/2009 11:00

I think grovelling is in order . The gender of the person you kissed is irrelevant. If you are in a relationship and you kiss another person, imo, that is cheating.

Perhaps though, your dp is less bothered because it was a woman? I tihnk many men would be less bothered than if you kissed another man in front of them.

I think just talk to him. Apologise. If he's not too bothered, it's because it was a lass!

Original poster

Namechangling · 09/02/2009 11:00

That's what I keep thinking Geepers. If DP kissed a girl I would be gutted. However, if he kissed a man when I know he does not fancy men then I doubt I would be too bothered. Is it still cheating even though I completely did not fancy the person in quetion? Or is it like drunkenly kissing your mate?

OP posts:

jasper · 09/02/2009 11:01

yes jeepers it would

Original poster

Namechangling · 09/02/2009 11:03

I am grovelling. I feel terrible. I feel like I've just created another problem for us when we really don't need it.

OP posts:

DivamakesKimchi · 09/02/2009 11:03

first @ snogging a girl, specially in front of you dp.
anyway, you must have been very drunk, so explain to your dp you dont remember, if you did so it never going to happen again.
next time when you go out enjoy yourself, dont overdrink and end up doing embarassing things.
you must understand your dp is feeling now.

Yurtgirl · 09/02/2009 11:04

I dont really think it is cheating if you were blotto tbh

Obviously its not a great thing to do!

I think either your drink was spiked or you ought to be more aware of the effects of alcohol on your body - it obviously had a sort of beer goggles effect on you!!

If he is prepared to forgive I think you should talk about it and move on

HTH

jasper · 09/02/2009 11:06

she snogged a girl IN FRONTof her dh.

That is so clearly deranged drunken behaviour.

If my dh snogged a bloke in front of me when out his box on drink, no i would absolutely not class that as cheating.

I would class it as being a drunken pillock.
I would be concerned about his alcohol intake but not his morals

DivamakesKimchi · 09/02/2009 11:08

oops it was DP in the title.

jasper · 09/02/2009 11:12

Namechangeling in times past I have done some spectacularly out of character and stupid stuff while drunk.

It is good that you apologised . I don't like the word grovel but it is good you are have acknowledged what you did was wrong and are trying to make it up to him.

It is very good he appears to have forgiven you and is not making a big deal of it.

Look on the positive aspects of this.It has made you realise you care about your relationship as you are so desperate to make amends

Original poster

Namechangling · 09/02/2009 11:12

He says he will forgive me even though I am a cheat. It's this what bothers me so much. I am not this sort of person, other men don't interest me. I love my son and my DP and my friends. I know I would not have fancied her but heaven knows why I would have snogged her. I think she may have snogged me and I just kind of drunkenly went along with it- and I'm really not trying to excuse my behaviour. It's just so out of character. Previous to having my son I used to go out alot and get drunk alot especially in my student days and I have never done anything like this before. I think I am just really shocked at myself. And to do it in front of him like I had no regard for his feelings whatsoever is just shocking really.

OP posts:

Original poster

Namechangling · 09/02/2009 11:18

I am NEVER going to drink so much again. I clearly cannot hold my drink anymore. Jasper your last post made me laugh. I am going to be so nice to him tonight- I just hope he doesn't want to bring it up at the next Relate.

OP posts:

jasper · 09/02/2009 11:18

what is shocking is the powerful effect alcohol has on the central nervous system.

You were let off the leash from your parental duties for the evening and you went mad with the booze.

It is not the end of the world.

Just watch your alcohol intake in future

andlipsticktoo · 09/02/2009 11:20

You definitely need to tell him how ashamed and embarrassed you are that you humiliated him. I wouldn't class it as cheating, but obviously it is a very stupid thing to do whether your dp was there or not.

Then you need to forget about it and move forwards.

mrsjammi · 09/02/2009 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jasper · 09/02/2009 11:25

namechangeling that is a good plan to be extra nice to him tonight.

I would be able to make you laugh even more if I told you some of the reckless and stupid things I have done under the influence of drink. Not that they are actually funny if you see what I mean . However I might get recognised in real life

I too have concluded I can't hold drink any more and it is infact a pretty dangerous drug. Too much and I turn into someone I don't recognise. A monster loony in fact.

muffle · 09/02/2009 11:36

Well I thought I'd had a fairly sheltered life but I don't find this that shocking and I don't consider it "cheating"! Regrettable, silly drunken behaviour maybe, but it was just a snog! I've seen friends do the same for a joke, and no one was offended.

You are sorry and you know you have to work on your relationship - put it behind you. And start drinking less - it took me until I was 30 to realise I hated getting and being drunk, I'm now so much happier because (though I still do drink in moderation) I avoid that horrible feeling of "oh no, what did I do/say?"

Twims · 09/02/2009 11:38

Did she taste like cherry chapstick

leaves thread

flubdub · 09/02/2009 13:04

It is cheating, kind of....but if I did it. I wouldnt expect my dp to go mad about it. Put it down to experience, and move on.

fattiemumma · 09/02/2009 13:07

my Dp knows that i like girls.
if i kissed a friend then he would sulk for a bit but be ok, if ask first he is ok with it.

if i kissed someone i had just met, in a bar..he would flip.

why is it different simply because its a woman and not a man?

i know most men like the idea of girl on girl but its a bit different when its your girlfriend.

i think he is right to feel upset, but i would imagine ti will be easier to forgive the "infidelity" rather than if it were a man you kissed.

KerryMumbles · 09/02/2009 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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