I trusted him...and he has fucking done it AGAIN.....so sad

[sickfedup]

Well, name chnged for this

Caught my partner with cocaine in house a few times

He swore he would stop

went to gp, he saw a counsellor (bereavement counsellor) as he lost his mum 4 years ago, she was young he is 24, bt tht did no good

I have a dc from prev partner whom calls him dad and we have toddler together who has special needs epilepsy etc, cant walk etc

Anyway, I found cocaine, an empty bag shoved dwn bk of couch

I am devastated

WE were just getting bk on track about to move bk in with us etc, he has admitted he hasnt stopped

I have told my sister and parents again as was soo gutted

Was soos strong and adamant it was over but seen him earlier, sed he is soo sorry and i deserve better and shud get rid of him, etc etc, but that he loves us soo much and wants to gt help...my family are "get over him"etc etc and will prob give up on me if I stood by him

Soo upset wat the hell do I do?

Wat would u do?

Any1 else have same issues??

I think that my use of substances makes me open minded

Then you are an idiot. All use of substances makes you is a substance user. It does not make you open minded, or in some way superior to anyone else.

I used a lot of substances in my time, including coke as it goes. Purely recreational, occasional weekend use. DH did too. But we GREW UP, and stopped, because that's what maturity dictated. We were fine - some of the people we knew weren't. We have adult responsibilities now, and can't afford the health, legal or psychiatric implications with a child to worry about and a mortgage to service - plus, well, we have better shit to do with our time and money now than get out of our skulls. (And that's without getting into what the cocaine industry does to the poor people in the nations growing the coca). To choose to dismiss legitimate concerns based on horrible circumstances, purely because you want to believe we're a bunch of sheltered just-say-noers, is facile.

A man who does not comprehend that lying to the mother of his child about his drug use is unacceptable, who leaves drugs paraphenalia literally lying about his child's home, especially when that is not his home and the householder hates it, and who is so out of control he can't even restrict his use to times his ex won't know despite wanting her back - is out of control. Full stop. You say your use doesn't adversely affect your family. Bully for you. This man's does. See the difference?

Drugs don't make users bad people (though they can make addicts extremely bad people), but they can sure as hell make them boringly smug.

Devendra - . How utterly thick and staggeringly arrogant.

Terrific post Qally.

"AND my children have never seen or know anything of this and never will EVER "

• If you put yourself in charge here, they wont. Thankfully. But if you let it continue, you are naive to think they will never know, there are limits to how much and how long you can cover up for a junkie.

I know QuintessentialShadows thats very true, I am gonna end this, I HAVE to nw, it's tough, but not as tough as gaining trust again and finding more stuff....or my 7 yr old KNOWING he did this and I took him bk, that makes me VERY sad, or my baby boy finding it....OMG cannot even contemplate it......he is ill enough

Makes me shudder, and feel sick I want my kids to grow up happy and feel safe, because I love them soo much and they love their mummy soo much, n if I have got through the past nearly 2 years and dealing with wat I have with my son then I can do this

I have bn to hell nd back(am currently on diazepam and antid's because of it), thought I was gonna lose him many a time, he has a genetic disorder(brain damage etc) severe epilepsy that will never b controlled, delayed development, cannot walk etc but starting to talk now a bit, and u know wat??

I can HONESTLY say it is all because of me..
ALL my efforts, and love, ttly brought him up on my own AND my dd and I am soo proud of myself for tht, while my partner has flitted in n out "visiting" every night then does drugs ...well when I was preg with my ds was first time I found it(drugs) and thought I will get by ths cos I am preg and need him wen really lookin bk I didn't.... nd after he was born found it few times whilst suffering severe PND so all that adds to my anger obv, tht is my full story...and when I look bk I AM strong just atm don't feel it right nw , but I WILL

AND VERY good post Qually

Qually even lol

God i did it again!! QALLY hehe, third time lucky lol

sickfedup, I understand how you are feeling right now. I found out, when DS1 had just turned 2, that (now ex)DP was a secret heroin addict.

I knew in my head all of the reasons why I should leave and take my son away from the situation but it felt impossible because I could still see old DP in there (behind all the shitty stuff he'd done) and I still loved him.

DS went to stay with GP's so we could try to sort it out.

We arranged counselling together but he didn't turn up. I spent the session talking to a lovely man who gave me the courage to see what I needed to do. DS had to be my main concern. And I had to accept that no matter how much I wished for it, I couldn't make DP stop.

Please contact local drug services in your area.

You and your children deserve to live happy, safe, stable lives and it is so hard to achieve that with an addict.

It is shit for you.

He is being spineless and letting you be the one to make the grown up decisions.

And as much as you don't want to think that you are solely responsible, you are now and you need to make the right choice for your children.

Im no idiot Qually I can assure you of that. I just hate the herdlike mentality that people assdume that all drug users are addicts and liars. As I said before... coke is not and has never been my bag.. makes people boring, know all and self obsessed.

Many drug users are addicts and liars Devendra. Many people posting will be speaking from bitter experience - it is a pretty base leap on your part to assume otherwise. What I find so startling is that despite what the OP has posted, you are trotting out some sort of one-dimensional war cry on the part of parents who use drugs - surely it isn't appropriate here?!

No pottycock quite right, it isnt.

And it isnt just about coke. Drugs and children dont mix. Full stop.

Devendra. Noone has assumed that all drug users are liars - but the op has already discovered that this one is, and is a dangerous one at that. Everyone has a choice in how they raise their kids. Most of us have the mentality that whilst youthful dabbling is acceptable to a degree, continuing to put ourselves at risk when we are responsible for the lives of others is not. I do not agree with your point nor do i think being so flippant in the face of such a horrible situation is appropriate for the o p. What i do think is that you see this as an opportunity to justify your own recreational use of drugs, which you are fully aware is socially unnacceptable and does not make you cosmopolitan. Just a drug user.

OP - NA may be able to help you. I looked last night and they have support services for families. Google it. And good luck. Your choices are hard. This is the father of your kids and by god leaving them to their own devices is a killer, not least because you need to be able to say to your kids you tried, but you have and you can so for your own sake put some distance between you.

Sickandfedup, you have done a really good job with your son, give your self a pat on the back. I am sure you WILL muster the strenght to tackle this one too.

Thanku soo much QuintessentialShadows that means a lot and I am sure I WILL get the strength defo

God, you know sickfedup, I found a newborn and mild PND hard with a supportive DH, no major health issues for him, and no other child. You sound amazingly strong - no wonder your DP wants you back. But I'm afraid you, as well as your kids, deserve better. Much better.

Good luck, and I am so sorry you are having to deal with this - from the sounds of it, few could deserve this stress and hurt less than you.

Divendra - whatever you say. People here clearly have their own take on you by now.