I trusted him...and he has fucking done it AGAIN.....so sad

[sickfedup]

Well, name chnged for this

Caught my partner with cocaine in house a few times

He swore he would stop

went to gp, he saw a counsellor (bereavement counsellor) as he lost his mum 4 years ago, she was young he is 24, bt tht did no good

I have a dc from prev partner whom calls him dad and we have toddler together who has special needs epilepsy etc, cant walk etc

Anyway, I found cocaine, an empty bag shoved dwn bk of couch

I am devastated

WE were just getting bk on track about to move bk in with us etc, he has admitted he hasnt stopped

I have told my sister and parents again as was soo gutted

Was soos strong and adamant it was over but seen him earlier, sed he is soo sorry and i deserve better and shud get rid of him, etc etc, but that he loves us soo much and wants to gt help...my family are "get over him"etc etc and will prob give up on me if I stood by him

Soo upset wat the hell do I do?

Wat would u do?

Any1 else have same issues??

MY kids are everything, just feel it is soo

hard, I know everything you are saying is right def, I am aware of that, that if I dnt change my attitude toward him then he won't stop

He has bn here last couple days after work as he was laying new floor in ds's room and he is still to paint thn I will be able to distance myself.....I have to....he says he is gonna gthelp, me to go to gp with him etc but I don't thnk I have the strength in me anymore, so fed up of being let dwn

to the person who suggested negotiating over recreational coke use. Cocaine funds terrorism, is responsible for around 35 percent of uk knife crime and is illegal, dangerous and changes the personality of its user into an aggressive, arrogant idiot, which normally takes about three days to come down. The day afterwards you feel like dying and you have been punched in the face by a steam truck. You certainly cannot be a supportive,loving partner and father. As a parent the days of dabbling in recreational drugs should be over and she has every right to demand that he no longer does it, particularly within reach of his children. Drugs are not negotiable, full bloody stop.

Op this man lied to you about his drug taking which suggests that it is important enough to him to continue despite your pain over it. That in turn suggests he has a problem. Coke heads dont make great parents (and before anyone asks I did a lot of cocaine when i was a teenager, which i had help to stop. I have not touched anything for ten years - well before i had my son but i do know what i am talking about).

I certainly do NOT agree with any1 who wants to negotiate with a partner or husband to take drugs when he is out and ESPECIALLY not in the home

It is so wrong, which is why I have bn trying to get help and advice from ppl in same situation on hre, cannot beieve I would ever be in a situation like this

Bn thru soo much together and he screws it all fuckn up

And prettyfly1 thanks for being so brave to admit u had a coke problem ages ago, I too dabbled in ecstasy when I was 18 and know all about side effects etc....not nice to say the least

But I too totally believe when u have kids you NEVER dabble in anything like that again EVER, I stopped dabbling with ecstasy way before my kids came along, it is immature and disgusting

Hey sickandtired. Thanks. My partner used to dabble as well and he knows i wont have it now. I think many teenagers dabble in trying things but you stop as you get older and certainly as a parent it is no longer acceptable. I support your stance completely and am interested to know when cocaine reached the same status as cannabis in the minds of some mums (oh as long as it isnt in the house). I am afraid if we want to raise children drugs should stop. Period. Jesus the attitude of people (he does it of a weekend when the kids are in bed) oh well, if for some reason your kids were really ill in the night and you had to take them to hospital, I am sure "sorry about my off his face partner nurse, but dont worry he only takes charlie when the kids are asleep" will be very reassuring indeed.

Oh and to those who just think its harmless of which there appear to be a couple, You do realise that for the average male of thirty - thirty five, the risk of a heartattack from 3 lines of cocaine increases by, oh, about 300 PERCENT! How harmless will it be for your kids when they dont have dads. We arent talking about a couple of glasses of wine here, or a sneaky fag out of the window people. We are talking about a highly dangerous, illegal and addictive CLASS A drug, which carries a prison sentence of around 4-8 years.

sick, I think if you can give him a shot, go to the gp with him, you obviously still care a great deal for him although i can understand how let down you feel. I will look and see if there are any helplines for partners of those using drugs. Have you tried frank? They may be able to help.

The fact that he is lying about continued use, and the carelessness, suggest he's an addict. You can't fix this for him. No one else can make an addict stop using, they have to decide for themselves.
Tell him he can't move back in, and if he ever uses coke in the house again you will report him to the police. (I would say don't let him in the house but I appreciate that if you are broke and he is doing DIY for you you might need to get the job finished).
Also, do call an addicts-families helpline, they might have good advice and support.

Lets just hope he wont leave any cocaine around in your childs room, while he is doing the diy there.

QuintessentialShadows, I understand, but really he would NOT leave anything in my DS's room, he has done it on odd weekends, which I will never condone, but I take COMPLETE offence to that comment

Was this bag in his home, or yours? It's not completely plain - and if your home, I'm sorry, but that completely destroys any claim that he is just a weekend dabbler. No purely recreational user would need to take such an insane risk during a visit, especially when he is hoping to impress you enough to move back in. It would mean he is so dependent he couldn't cope for that brief time without a fix - not just that he wanted a big weekend. (Not saying that's okay in a parent either, because clearly it's very far from it.)

If it was in your home, I am so incredibly sorry, but I really don't think your kids deserve their Mum pouring so much good love after bad. It'll drag you all down with him. Lying about the extent of a problem means he isn't even beginning to be ready to deal with it, he just wants to have you and the drugs and isn't thinking beyond that.

Oh fgs.. using drugs does not make you a bad person.. Im sure he meant it when he said he would not use again.. just like im sure many of you have said 'im not drinking this weekend' or im giving up smoking and failed at the first bhurdle.
I hate all this 'he is an addict' bullshit..
I have kids and I occasionally take drugs.. cokes not my bag but I am responsible and a loving Mother. Get a grip ladies please...

"Im sure he meant it when he said he would not use again"

Granted, he may well have meant that at the time but it was soon forgotton. Words are cheap and its actions that matter. Think him saying that to this lady was just one in a long series of empty promises.

This lady has quite enough on her plate as it is without having to deal with an unreliable partner as well.

Devendra

Do you not think then this man is an addict?

Devendra, have you actually read what the woman has posted? He left a coke bag stuffed down the side of their sofa in their home, in which their small children live.

If this isn't someone with a problem than I don't know what is.

By definition addicts mean it when they promise to change - in practice it's far more difficult for them.

Qually, no my home

See he never usually stays at weekends or anything, he hadnt bn living with us for more thn a year

But tht night he had came in and laid on couch aftr a heavy night drinkin, n I found it next morning, he couldn't remeber leaving it there, as he was so outta it, he wouldnt do it deliberately but av had it

He does it on odd weekend idiot

But he is willing so he says to get help nw and go to gp t get more help

"But he is willing so he says to get help now and go to gp to get more help".

Let's hope he does seek help and this is not another empty promise from him. But whilst he gets clean if he chooses to do so he has NO contact whatsoever with you, certainly not a relationship. No more visits to your house - nada. He cannot hold down a relationship besides which with respect you are not the best person to help him. You are too close to the situation and you have enabled him.

you have enough on your plate without him adding to it. he is being very selfish indulging himself whilst you look after things at home and concerned about his drug use too.
it sounds like he is either becoming dependant (hiding the bag) or just doesnt give a shit (stuffing the bag anywhere).
why dont you get in touch with some helplines who will tool you up with information and give support.
let him finish the decorating, tell him plans have to be on hold til he is clean.
you dont know what to do, so just keep him at arms length til you do and get that support.

to the mum who does drugs: wow, you are so cool!

If he can't avoid using in his ex's home, while he wants her to think he's stopped so they can reconcile, and leaves traces lying about where his small child can get to them? When he has his own home, and plenty of time apart to have sessions with friends, away from the family? He's out of control. Which is the definition of an addict. That is NOT purely recreational use.

I'm so sorry, but you need to be tough on this one. Your kids deserve better than this as their childhood.

You are ALL so right , I need to be strong

Excuse me, YOU TAKE OFFENCE to my comment??? Did I understand you correctly?

Your reply to me smacks of either naivity, or of condoning his behaviour.

Do your children never sit in the sofa? He stuffed it down there, where everybody could find it. Why on earth are you so naive that you think he would not take any cocaine in your sons room, while doing diy, where nobody can see him, and stuff the empty bag somewhere there?

If he has so little sense that he brings a class A drug, which could be lethal, into a childs home then whe wont distinguish between the living room and the childs own room.

I understand this is hard for you, and that you have been through some shit together, but if something drug related were to happen to your child, how would you feel then?

At some point your child will grow up, start understanding a thing or two, and see cocain abuse as a normal occurence which a grown up he respects and loves does. What then? When cocaine is normalized in front of your children, in the same way as a glass of wine or two, or a can of lager is, what then?

We had this very well respected business man in our home town. He was not only taking cocaine, he was part of the import chain. Nobody knew it at the time, but his children grew up to see cocain taken, and traded in their homes. No surprise then, when ALL four children ended up junkies, who got their own children, who one by one were taken into care.

Call me Mrs Pessimism, but you should maybe get a dose of that too.... And start caring for the home your children grow up in, and keep it safe, if not for you, but for them.

Eh a dose of WHAT exactly?!

I was NOT condoning it at ALL I KNOW he would not come into my sons room during week straight after work and do it, that is not naiveity, plus I am in the room with him. I am fully aware of what he has done, and that wont be happening again!!!

You do NOT understand how hard it is for me at all or u would not be saying what you are

AND my children have never seen or know anything of this and never will EVER

Devendra - wtf. Did you actually tell a group of mothers with young children who will one day be responsible for drug education with said children, who are concerned about a woman whose partner left drug paraphenelia within easy grabbing distance of her small children to grow up. Do you think that your recreational use of illegal substances makes you a more mature adult then the rest of us. Who think that abusing illegal, dangerous and expensive substances when we have dependent children relying on us being there 24/7 for at least 18 years is perhaps bloody wrong. You grow up. Your sort of pomposity, perceived openeness and ignorance is quite frankly breathtaking.

OP - I am sorry love but for me leaving drug remnants within easy reach of my kids, suggesting he has been using them around him, would be a flat out deal breaker and i think you need to move on. It isnt your fault but you do know now so if something happens agian or god forbid your kids get involved you will be responsible for it.

He was a knob for leaving the empty bag lying around< I have acknowledged that. I think that my use of substances makes me open minded.. yes.. pompous.. no.. ignorance.. Ha!

Please consider getting some support for yourself from the appropriate places (co-anon or al-anon, frank, gp, counsellor, etc)and at the same time let your partner sort out his own support and help. you would each really benefit from taking reponsiblity for your own futures and desire for change. this will mean you can each get strong by yourselves and each take the best path for each of you. it might be together but it might not, and only by each of you looking after yourselves independently will the future become clearer.

i find it shocking and a sign of complete denial that anyone here think that occasional coke use as a parent is ok. poor kids on the other end of the hangover and aftermath, never met anyone all cheery and full of energy, patience and tolerance the next day.