But mum my DC are not deformed. Or the ultimate bday present dilemma.

[OrmIrian]

My mother is a water colourist. She does lovely botanical paintings and the odd passable landscape. But she cannot do people. I mean really cannot. Over the years I have been given various odd looking pictures. But for me 44th bday my mum has passed the rubicon. Three beautifully framed and mounted watercolours of my lovely children. But they are horrible. Distorted ugly portraits that look nothing like any children I know, let alone my perfect children. I am so upset. She expects me to hang the abominations in my house. I don't know what to do. I don't want the vile things in my house. I am finding it hard to beleive that she can beleive they are portaits. She can't be that deluded.

What do I do? She even went so far to give me picture hooks so that I can hang them. What do I do? Hang them antd just not look at at them? And take them in the spirit in
which (I hope) they were intended. Or tuck them away behind a cupboard and hope she doesn't notice.

oh dear

Tuck them behind a cupboard. Ask her to paint something else and hang that up.

wow you have perfect children

Do you have a utility room?

On the bright side they will give everyone a laugh at their 18th.

I can't cornsilk. She has been promising todo my DC for years and this is the culmination. I have flower paintings that she did for me that I have put up. But she probably wouldn't care about those. These are significant.

They only look perfect

what do your children think of them?

how big/small is your house?

hang them in the kids' rooms?

The children said very little. I think they were impressed that they were in frames . House is smallish.

how often does your mum visit?
could you get them o ut when she comes?

How often does she come to your house? My mother once gave me a portrait of myself that she had painted I hung it on the stairs os that most poeple who cam e to the house wouldn't see it and then "lost" it next time I moved

Put them up in the children's rooms.

I'm thinking Libra's utility room suggestion is a good one.

Thanks for the suggestions. I think I may hang them in our room for a while. Just long enough for her to see them. And then put them away somewhere dark.

oh now look, OrmIrian - I do think you should post a photo of these paintings so we can objectively judge how awful wrong different they are.

Here's an idea. Paste another picture on the back of them, hang them from string and have the new pasted pics facing forwards until she comes to visit, then quickly turn them around for the duration - and then you can tell the truth when you say you have of course hung them on the wall.

Prop, don't hang, them in an artsy way in dcs' bedrooms and over time they will become hidden by stuff. Insist the dcs take them when they leave for university.

orm HAPPY BIRTHDAY for yesterday.

it is an absolute grimmer having bday at this time of year. have you celebrated?

oh gawd this sounds rather like the "family portrait" my dad very kindly did for DH and I when DS2 was tiny.

He IS an amazing photographer.....

of stills, landscapes, flowers (I have some wonderful coaster and table mats that he did for us with his photographs on), anything really EXCEPT people.

He printed it out on his fancy smancy printer that he uses for his photo restoration business and framed it for us.

It's blardy awful. DH looks blacker than black. He looks Nigerian/Western African he looks that dark. The DS's colouring is totally and utterly wrong, and I look weird in it too.

I found it when I moved, down the back of the sofa bed - it's come with me, but only because I can't bare to throw it away

Oh please put said potraits on your profile so we can judge effectively

I always think the loo is the best place for things like this-(not in it, you understand). It's nice to give people something to chortle at while they're -ahem- busy.
Incidentally, my mum is the same- a wonderful watercolourist of landscapes, flowers etc. But her portraits look like Picasso after a few too many..... IMO.

inside a kitchen cupboard door? Odd I know, but you could say that you will see 'em regularly? I like quirky portraits tho'.

we have temporary displays of hideous unique and unusual gifts in our house. I find that displaying them prominently for 6 months or so is long enough for the giver to be convinced that you value them.

6 months later, have a quick reorganise and demote them to the utility room. And from there it's a barely noticeable hop to the charity shop attic.

yes, please put them on your profile.

Oh dear, that is a tricky one. My mum kindly had one of DSs baby photos printed up on one of those canvas print frames. Shame it was one before they had washed all the goo off and he looks like a bug eyed alien. We just hid it somewhere. But proper painted portraits, thats tricky.

I like heateds suggestion, behind some cuddly toys and a box of Jenga they should quickly be invisible.