Dreadfully unable to cope and be normal about what's happened and I'm ashamed of that but nevertheless I'm prepared to make a twonk of myself here again just for some support, please

[hobbgoblin]

I have not not taken on board what you have all said about what I need to do and I will do that but I need to be indulged right now.

I want someone to say my dp will be back. I'm kind of hungry for that promise, iyswim. Doesn't mean I'm well aware that nobody can promise that and that him coming back is not what I should be wanting. I am TOTALLY aware of that.

However, in the past he has always come back. Just for the sake of making me feel better today so I'm a bit stronger tomorrow can you help me answer that question? That is; "is he just angry and when he calms down he will come back?"

This is utterly pathetic but the fear of him never returning is in danger of making me give up everything. When we've talked over the last 48 hours, if he seems like he is unsure then it enables me to be bright enough to eat or wash up. It really helps me not feel so scared that I've lost all my happiness. Obviously totally unhealhty methodology I'm using.

I asked if that's it for ever and he said "i don't want us to live together" so then I said "i'm not asking that, I'm asking if that's it for ever" and he said "I think so"

I just don't get why he left it was all going really well and he just got cold feet, except he isn't even saying that, he is saying he was sick of the confrontation - thwere was none! What idiot who claims to be sick of the confrontation is trying to book a holiday for us and being all cuddly and lovely 2 days before? What the hell is he on?

Ok thanks for the very speedy and good replies. Am goign to try and not mope over the keyboard for a while and bath DC but the voting on will he/won't he be back is a bit stupidly comforting so please post if you have an opinion.

Will name change after this because I will die reading this back at some point.

Will him being back under your roof make you happy? Is that what you want? Just his presence in your house? If he comes back today and picks up where he left off, would you be pleased? I mean really, if you're honest? It doesn't matter how he treats you, as long as he doesn't leave you? That must feel awful for you.

I know it's hard, it must feel dreadful, but if it just ends now then in the future you may well look back and feel it was all for the best. I hope so.

Oh, sorry, forgot to vote I think he will but I hope he won't (or you won't answer the door!)

HG - it is not your fault that the man couldn't get his S$%T together. That wasn't your responsibility, it was his.

Moreover, there is a very good chance that he is incapable of change, had no intentions of changing, and initially told you wanted to hear so that he could become involved with you. Instant gratification for his needs. Good thing that a later stage of grief is anger. I have a feeling that you are going to be feeling quite a bit of that emotion eventually.

I haven't seen your other thread yet, but it sounds to me in this one that you want desperately not to feel so rejected, that you are worth more than this treatment. And you are worth more than this. In fact, what you are worth is a good relationship with a mature adult who can treat you with love, dignity and respect...unfortunately, it doesn't sound like that's on the table from this individual. But the reasons for that lie with him, not you.

I'm sorry I can't link, as I'm on my phone (while my little girl is in the bath [bad mummy emoticon] and i'm not paying her much attention!), but could you go and look for RealityIsMyOnlyValentine's thread today? I think it was called Listen Up, or similar. That should give you an idea of what can lie ahead once you have got your head round things- i.e. Better Stuff You Do Deserve !

So sorry things are tough right now x

please please dont feel humiliated. If your relationship is ending, what you are feeling is normal. The pain can be unbearable regardless of their behaviour and sometimes you have to lie to yourself to make it easier to get through each day. Been there. That said he sounds like a fuckwit. Just hang in there.

Thanks, true about lying to myself. Or wishing stupid stuff.

One of the reasons for not going to friends is that they will say what I know but don't want to hear today, that I'll be better off without him in the end.

It's all very well knowing that but I just want the evenings I was having last week. We'd be clearing up after feeding the DC now and looking forward to chilling on the sofa and then snuggling up in bed.

I miss my kiss in the morning and us feeling for the baby's kicks together. All that stuff.

So, Hecate it would make me happier than I am now but not long term.

He has refused to go to Relate and now doesn't want to be involved with the baby.

Never mind Relate, love, get some ball-biting feminism in your life - and some empowering self-esteem boosting stuff (of which hopefully there is plenty on MN). It's so much better to be alone than to be dependent on a prick like him.

I love your posts solidgold, they are always sympathetically man-bollock crushing

I vote for him coming back and the day he gets there you take one look at him and see him for the little worm he really is. And by that time you'll be strong enough to turn him straight round and out the door

p.s. I love solidgold's posts too. They always make me feel I can stand up to anyone, even when its not me they're aimed at!!

I love you all, and your gutsiness-giving loveliness. Solid just has a way. Can I send you his nuts for your bowl at xmas?

Hobb, am so glad you're working this one through. Yes, you're better without him because soon enough you'll have a newborn, and that's going to be quite enough without the 44yo child as well...

And if you do namechange, CAT me, 'cos I've promised you a couple of baby beanies and I fully intend to follow through

I really love solidgolds posts too, & thats not just because she summed up exactly what a tosser my ex is (& he really is) on another thread

Hobb, I do think he will be back. Generally they all do come back in the end. However, it may be a while. And by then [whispers, cos you probably don't want to hear this now] hopefully you won't want him.

I can totally understand you not wanting to think thats it. I've struggled enough in my own situation, and thats without being pregnant. I think you are doing incredibly well tbh. I would be in a lake of tears by now (but then I wept a good bucketful just watching Dr Who last night! )

I have not followed all your threads, Hobbgoblin but based on what you have written on this one, I think that he will be back. What you probably do not want to hear is that he will go again.

For him to go from being a loving and caring partner to leaving you in the lurch sounds more like an adolescent than a mature man.

I really hope that you find the strength (and you have a lot more of that than you think, you have proved that by backing off from the abortion) to kick this pathetic man out of your life.