my dad. i dont like him. i never have. he insists on coming to visit everyfortnight and id rather he didnt

[nailpolish]

tbh i wouldnt be bothered if i never saw him again
he was awful to me and my brother
borther has forgiven him
but he treats brother like a grown up now whereas he treats me like i am stupid and thick and worthless (as he treats all women)

my dds like him

i wish he wouldnt come to visit
he sits on his arse and i have to wait on him hand and foot

he is going to be here in about half an hr and i feel angry

dh thinks he is an arsehole

he wants to visit cos he has fuk all else to do

and pretend he has a great family who think the world of him

Nailpolish, you sound like you cower emotionally not just to say physically in your Dad's bullying presence. He may be an old man now but he is still a bully and this is still about power and control.

Your Dad raises his hand to your children?!. And how do you react to this?. What do you say?.

I would say he cannot visit you any longer. You'll be happier without his toxic influence in your life.

Such toxic people like your Dad can cause problems across the generations as well. One gereration i.e you has been profoundly affected, don't let him affect your children either.

I would suggest you read "Toxic Parents" written by Susan Forward.

Didn't plan it at all Naily.Feelings just boiled over one day when he told my ds's to shut the hell up because he couldn't hear the tv (always acted like my telly was his) and i told him to get the fuck out and never come back. Who the fuck did he think he was etc etc

Not my finest moment but i wasn't having him talking to my dc like that.

I think the raising hands to my kids would be the last straw for me. No grandad is better than one who is no good.

brother siad to me recentluy "one day you will tell me why you hate dad so much"

but he already knows. it obv didnt affect him the same

once my brother had just finished a 14hr shift at work and his car broke down 6 miles away - it was 2am approx

borther phoned and asked dad to pick him up - dad refsed, no one knows why, and he hid the car keys from mum so mum couldnt pick him up either

mu brother had to walk home 6 miles, have 2 hrs sleep then go back to work

mum cried for days and my borhter nearly hit my dad

he raises his hands but he doesnt actually hit them

but obv its a threat to hit

Important to say he hasn't changed at all btw. He is still an fucking little arsehole but i have changed how i react and i challenge his behaviour but fuck me it's still hard now to do it.

when i was a student i moved to the halls - i had to take all my belongings on the bus cos he wouldnt give me a lift

i had to sleep on a bare mattress until i saved up for sheets

Nailpolish you have my sympathies. My dad usedto be fond of saying 'does she have to speak?" in reference to me at the dinner table, and telling my I was like shit under his shoe etc. etc.
He was/is a very angry man. Fortunately he has no time for us because he dotes on his dogs. Mum was always telling me he loved me really, but he's never said it to me, ever.

I am currently trying to say no to my mum visiting every week as she makes me feel crappy, too, but it is hard. I haven't managed to say 'no' to my parents yet (I'm mid 30's) trying really hard. Good luck.

I concur with Dropdead's post about how he may make your DDs feel the same as you do, that what worries me about my mum.

Sympathy from me!

It's different, but my MIL comes round and sits on her arse too, even though the house is usally a tip and the kids are running wild.

She must be able to see that I am up against it but just pretends not to notice.

It winds me up and I'd rather she didn't come round to be honest.

Definately don't wait on him - you have better things to do!

Got to go babe but remember he's going at some point tonight and you can hopefully open the gin eh??

god nailpolish he sounds pure poison he actually reminds me a lot of my vile grandad who was pretty much the nastiest, most poisonous creature ever to walk the earth. i could fill a book with all the shit he pulled - emotionally abusive to my nan, my dad, everyone really; physically abusive/threatening to my brother; read my diary while i was sick on holiday and then used what he'd read to emotionally blackmail me; serial womaniser and cast iron woman hater; insulted my dead mother in my dad's hearing; complained about my brother's funeral being too far away...i could go on (and on, and on).

he made life miserable for everyone he encountered. i cut him off in the end and never looked back. he died last year (alone and undiscovered for days) and i felt nothing but gladness and relief.

please don't let your lovely girls grow up in the shadow of this man like you had to. i liked my grandad too, when i was tiny. it didn't last long and it wasn't worth it.

I would be boiling with rage NP.

I'm glad mine is dead.

for all others whose dad are shit

metroton - i sometimes wish that. how awful is taht? even afraid to write that down

ok he is back now better go

thanks for listening

Cyteen, my long-lost father was found dead and undiscovered for days too. Also a abusive womaniser.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.