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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my dad. i dont like him. i never have. he insists on coming to visit everyfortnight and id rather he didnt

67 replies

nailpolish · 05/02/2009 12:25

tbh i wouldnt be bothered if i never saw him again
he was awful to me and my brother
borther has forgiven him
but he treats brother like a grown up now whereas he treats me like i am stupid and thick and worthless (as he treats all women)

my dds like him

i wish he wouldnt come to visit
he sits on his arse and i have to wait on him hand and foot

he is going to be here in about half an hr and i feel angry

OP posts:
aGalChangedHerName · 05/02/2009 16:05

Oh Naily i am in exactly the same boat as you I can't bear him being in the same room. Don't know why we give them the time of day eh? Guess because we are nice decent human beings and nothing like them.

No advice because i also put up with mine (and long for the day that i never have to see him again)and hate myself for still allowing him to treat me like shit when i would never let anyone else do that to me.

Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:05

ok i have just suggested he gets an earlier bus but he says it will be fully booked

he hs suggested treating us all to fish and chips

sigh

im sorry to moan like this

i cnat even bear to look at him sometimes and when he leaves he tries to kiss me and i openly cringe and step away

OP posts:
Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:07

oh agal it eats away at me
he is outside with the dds on their bikes
its like, he doesnt even know what to do with them, if they fall off he jst stands and staresat them
he just doesnt know waht to do cos he wasnt ever with us as children

OP posts:
aGalChangedHerName · 05/02/2009 16:07

I hate New Year cos i have to kiss him

Hard to change the way you react to old patterns and routines

Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:07

it really is something that eats away at me and sits on my shoulders like a big burden and i wish it would go away

OP posts:
Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:09

oh god agal that would ruin my whole new year

its one of the reasons we go away at christmas cos he would just invite himself over to my house and ruin xmas for me

so becuase of him i also deprive my mum of xmas with her grand bairns

mum and dad are separated (10 yrs) but mum wont divorce him incase she upsets him and she still helps him with his deocrating and xms shopping for eg

OP posts:
aGalChangedHerName · 05/02/2009 16:10

My dad liked my db cos footy always involved. He likes my nephew cos he plays footy. He hates women who speak up to him = me

aGalChangedHerName · 05/02/2009 16:12

How is he generally with your girls? Is he nice to them? A couple of times i have bitten his head off cos he talks down to them iykwim? I just tell him he won't be treating them like that. It is hard and i always feel sick and have palpitations etc.

Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:13

does your dad think you are thick and useless too agal?
my dad doesnt even think women should drive or own a car
and he thinks im a "wee nursey" adn have a "pin money job"
and when talking about politics or current news he always directs it to dh
he cant wait for dh to come home to do "man talk"

OP posts:
Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:13

he shouts and raises his hands to them [sad

OP posts:
Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:14

but they like him
they are young though

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 05/02/2009 16:14

oh God. do yourself a favour and just tell him your work hours are changing and he can't come so often...

Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:15

i am going to tell him he cant come for another 4 weeks
at least its a start

OP posts:
PlumBumMum · 05/02/2009 16:15

nailpolish I stood up to my dad and he hasn't spoke to me in 2 years, or seen my dcs, one was only 2days old when he decided to air his opinions about her name in the hosp,didn't care he left me in tears!

unfortunately my mum and him are still together so it is really putting a strain on our relationship, exp for my mum it is a huge relief not having him in my life

Dropdeadfred · 05/02/2009 16:16

omg just read that he shouts and raises his hands to your dcs....tell him to forget the fortnightly visits!!! God, how long before he nakes your daughters feel how he made you feel?

aGalChangedHerName · 05/02/2009 16:16

Naily you cannot let that continue. It's a bit different for me now cos i have told him to go and fuck himself etc more than once so he knows he can push me so far and no more you know?

But it took me years so it's no use me telling you off and telling you what to do. I know how you feel honestly My dad thinks all women are thick (not just me) and def thinks he is superior. I really wish he would disappear.......

Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:18

im a bit scared to tell him how i feel

OP posts:
Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:20

he thinks im "difficult" "argumentative" and "opinionatied"

he once said to dh "she is difficult isnt she, i dont know how you put up with her"

i think its becuase i try to stand up for myself. i used to do that when i was a teen but he just thought it was my age

OP posts:
aGalChangedHerName · 05/02/2009 16:20

I am still scared of my dad too. Always will be. What does dh think of him?

Dropdeadfred · 05/02/2009 16:20

why does he want to visit you if he thinks so little of women?

just think about your dds and his future opinion of them as they grow into women and that should strengthen your resolve

Original poster
nailpolish · 05/02/2009 16:20

agal how/what did you say?

did uyo plan it or was it spontaneous

OP posts:
chandellina · 05/02/2009 16:21

it's a tough one. It seems to me you have to let him know how you feel at some stage, or it will just eat away at you whenever you see him.

the alternative is to accept him and overlook all of his annoying ways. he sounds like he has been very strongly conditioned into a certain mentality about men and women, to say the least.

you said your brother and mum wouldn't be happy if you had it out - but you might be surprised, and it could be good for everyone because surely they see him for what he is too.

chandellina · 05/02/2009 16:22

and i think you do have some power in the situation, since he clearly wants to be in your and DDs' lives.

MadamDeathstare · 05/02/2009 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aGalChangedHerName · 05/02/2009 16:23

Ditto lol. Just because i dared to have an opinion about stuff i am a ball breaker apparently DH can't stand him either after i let him know just how awful my life was with my parents (esp my dad) I am more confident because i know DH will tell him to fuck off if he ever says/does anyhting.