DH wants to move to middle east........

[npg1]

I dont know what to do. DH very driven, work orinentated etc.
He has taken a year off to study and has said there might be a career opportunity in Qatar. This is such a big move for me and our 2 dd's. DH loves travelling, im not to keen.

I have research it tonight, they have some nice schools etc but most schools are full and it does look a lovely place. Im scared about moving so far away, scared the kids wont get into a good school, scared about making new friends and settling in.

There is also a place in london but DH doesnt think it will be very good and also temping until a job comes up

He is telling me I am being negative about it and need to look at the positive side of moving out there. Am I being unreasonable? (from a man's point of view?!)

Don't really know what to suggest.

Would the move be permanent? Or long-term? How old are your children? Why does your husband think that Qatar is the only option? Is this a firm job offer or just an 'iron in the fire'?

I think I would be apprehensive about moving so far from home too. I can see it both ways - it might be bearable if it was for just (say) a year or two but, equally, would a year or two's career experience be worth that amount of upheaval?

Sorry! Don't think I've helped much.

Oh God, that's a nightmare, I would absolutely HATE to move to the Middle East. DH has mentioned that there would be work opportunities out there for him, but I always say very very strongly that there is no way I could do it, I know I would really hate it etc etc, and he forgets about it. Tbh I think he probably feels the same way, just tests the water occasionally.

Really feel for you if your dh is genuinely keen. Not much help, just sympathy. Sorry. It would seem very cruel of him to push the idea if you are really not keen at all.

Now, New York would be a different matter!

i would love the opportunity at life chances like this.

I spent time on a qatar flight with a student returning home for hols. From his stories it is a fabulous place to live (electricity provided to citisens free gratis). They are one of the worlds thriving economies and are welcoming us into their country to take part in a massive economic opportunity.
From what I here there is also a very strong ex-pat community so I expect you will find a lot in common with his work colleagues families.
Find out more before you reject it out of hand. You could be left with a lot of what ifs......

GO GO GO

Or DH swap with me - I'll go.

Someone once told me... you only regret what you DON'T do, not what you DO do. If that makes sense.

Thinking over my life, I do have to agree with this.

My cousin and his family live there. They have the life of Riley. And the weather ....

Got to be worth a go. There's tons of stuff going on and the ex-pat community are very welcoming (apparently - I've not been there). If my cousin lost his job tomorrow his wife would stay there without him, she loves it so much!

I'm writing this from the Middle East where I moved (temporarily?) just over 3 years ago. Sadly, I'm in Saudi Arabia which isn't nearly as nice as Qatar as its far more extreme but a friend of ours who was here in Saudi for years moved to Qatar last year and said it is much better than Saudi, eg it is much more relaxed there and he can get an alcohol licence whereas Saudi is totally dry (although my son's chemistry teacher makes a quite decent red wine _

My DH was out here for 7 years before we met and when we got married it was a big decision as to whether to move me (and my two children then aged 12 and 9 out here) I also had a really good job in the UK which I we knew I couldn't continue in Saudi (not much call for female divorce lawyers in Saudi, they either say 'I divorce thee' three times or else get another wife. They can have up to 7 although my DH questions why any man would want more than 1 wife!)

anyway, enough rambling, it was the right choice for us. The pay is excellent (although not quite as good at the moment as the exchange rate is crap) DH does not pay tax, we have a free villa on a large UK compound with various facilities, ie indoor and outdoor pools, a sports centre, hairdressers, beautician, restaurants etc. We are quite a drive from the nearest mall (around 30 mins) and our lives are restricted somewhat, women can't drive and are third class citizens, I have to wear an abaya (big black number) and headscarf when out in public. Salah (prayer) is a pain in the arse as the shops/restaurants shut for prayer and its not uncommon to be in a restaurant and it will suddenly close and you are left sitting in the dark for 20 to 30 mins but you live with it. As with everything, there is the rough and the smooth.
At times we get very pissed off about the restrictions, the lack of bacon a glass of chablis, however, being here has enabled to pay huge chunks off our mortgage and provide a lifestyle for our children that we wouldn't have had otherwise.
We had decided to return to the UK this summer but given the current financial situation in the UK (and that my DH works in finance) we have decided to stay an extra 2 years to see my eldest DC through his A levels in a fantastic UK school. My DH's company pays us a school fees allowance which although it doesn't cover it, is the difference between DS going or not.

The schools out here are not bad. I'd say not as good as a private school in the UK but certainly as good if not better than some state schools. There are several British Schools in Saudi and I know it is the same in Dubai and Bahrain so I assume Qatar would be the same.

The important thing to consider is the ages of your children, and how long you think you would be out there. When my DS came out here he was 13 and we were therefore committed to him staying until he had finished his GCSE's which he will complete this summer before returning to the UK for his A Levels. We took the decision to send DD (aged 12) back to a UK boarding school last September as we didn't want to run the risk of her leaving here part way through her GCSE course.

What you need to research as well is where you would be living. If your DH would be working for a UK company then the chances are you would be living on a Western compound with lots of other expats. If that is the case, then you and the children would have a very good social life. If living in a villa not on a compound then that would be a little different and would require a little more consideration.
I would not write it off straight away. If your financial situation is stretched in the UK, then a few years here could set you up for the future.
We are leaving here in 2 years and will return to the UK owning two mortgage free properties, with a tidy sum in the bank and my DH who will be aged 45 then may not have to work. Its been a sacrifice at times, but well worth it I think.

Lots to consider. Why not have a look at the living overseas section. I know there are quite a few mums in Dubain and Bahrain but I think there is someone there in Qatar who may be able to advise you. Good luck x

I would say not because I can't imagine living somewhere where I and the children are not part of the local community and share their lifestyle. Living on an ex-pat compound to me would be like being in prison. And a good life-style isn't particularly important to me.

But that is to me.

What you need to think about is what is important to you.

What would there be for you to do? Would it mean you giving up any plans you might have a of a career for yourself once the children start growing up? If there is no work, can you keep yourself occupied? What kind of lifestyle do you want for you? I know someone who lives in a similar place and spends her time playing tennis with other expats- sounds a nightmare to me, but she is happy, so that's all that matters to her.

Difficult decision for you. just a little input here-friend moved to Qatar 2 years ago due to her dhs work, with two very young boys, and they love it. She says they have a far better quality of life than they had here and can't see any reason to come back. My dh is in construction and given the state of things here he is thinking along the same lines and I would definitely give it a try. Have a look at the Qatar Embassy website, it's interesting.

How old are the kids? I grew up as an expat in lots of countries, including in Iraq and Oman, and my brother and I had a brilliant time. The schools were on the whole much better than in the UK (we occasionally had to come back to UK for a few months and my mum would put us into school here). The weather was brilliant and we could go swimming every day. I learned a lot of things about other people, different cultures and life in general that I never would have if we had stayed in the UK, including other languages. I don't know anything about Qatar but most middle eastern countries with big expat populations are not like Saudi - depending on where you are you can often get alcohol and pork, and although it is sensible to not walk round public places in crop top and hot pants I haven't heard of anywhere other than Saudi where you have to wear the abaya.

I did have to go to boarding school at 11 because we were never sure when we were going to leave a country, and that would have been a problem for exams etc. And my mum has made some big sacrifices - not so much when we were young as she was at home with us anyway, but she is still an expat in her 50s and has never been able to have a career. Having said that she has done a lot of lying by pools and living in enormous houses...

It is a very difficult decision, but I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand. It will be easier for your dh than you, because he will go straight into work with structure and colleagues etc, but expat communities are often friendly as there are so many people coming and going (likewise international schools) and the kids will probably make it easier for you to make friends at school drop offs, playdates etc. I would make sure though that your dh knows what a big thing it is for you and will be falling over himself to be supportive if you decide to go.

Sorry have rambled rather a lot!

Its really interesting to read your experience from the 'childs' point of view Liege. Very informative and I hope my DC have positive views of it like you do when they are older.

Like you say, no where else in the Middle East is like Saudi and apparently Qatar is much better. I think the OP should go for it and I can fly over and visit her regularly for a bacon sandwich and glass of wine!

Mumsoversea you gave an interesting account of life in Saudi Arabia but I think it's a bit rude that you called Salah a pain in the arse, it is an important part of Islam and deserves some respect.

you are right amani, when our religion is completely banned in this country is given some respect, I will treat it with the same respect. If you don't know what your are talking about, I suggest you don't post!

I am in favour of taking a good long look at the positive side. Don't be afraid. That's what comes through -- that you are afraid of what you don't know.

If you live on a compound a great deal will be familiar to you very quickly and I am sure it will not be difficult to make friends. You will be surprised at how NOT difficult it is.. but there is a shift in focus for a while, to 100pc settling the children, which can mean you put yourself on the backburner for a bit.

Expat communities are very mobile and school places may be available sooner than you think. Have some telephone conversations with Admissions Officers and ask them to be as honest as possible. No one will promise a place if there isn't one but they can be realistic and drop heavy hints.

You may not live on a compound -- I don't know Qatar. Someone else will be able to tell you what areas are good to live in and about the availability of baked beans and so on. You need to go on an expat forum and read the sort of questions that other people are asking.

Look at property and the sort of place you could be living in on the web. This can help to bring somewhere "to life" for you and turn it into a place where you can imagine making a home.

The Middle East is not that far from Europe. Flights are short, and for the most part have good services. You will not feel very far from home.

Don't dismiss it out of hand -- it could be the best thing you ever do. I like the comment about regretting the things you don't do, I think it's very telling.

It's like there being no mosques in the Vatican - so don't go down the route of comparing.... If your religion means that much to you why are you there?

Our neighbours are currently living in Dubai. She moved for her husbands job, and regrets it as she misses having her own job and friends that she chose (rather than sort of being stuck with the wives), and the kids aren't happy as a) they don't like the extreme hot weather b) miss going out for a walk in the country and c) hate that the children at school come and go so much. They are moving back in July after 18 months out there

Missed this bit out - All I am saying is that I find that part of your statement offensive. I can't speak for the Saudi government (although in March 08 the Saudis were discussions with the Vatican to open a Catholic church there), so don't moan at me for what the Saudi government has ruled - it is not an Islamic thing as there are rules in Islam about respecting non-Muslims - They are entitled to have equal rights as Muslims have and to shoulder the same duties as Muslims do - i.e places of worship etc. We all know the Saudi government is corrupt and does as it please - tries to appear onone hand 'Islamic' to satisfy the Muslim wold, but on the other will jump when asked by the Western world.

All I am on about it that all individuals should respect other relgions.

Amani, I think you will find there is no law in Italy banning the practice of islam. Not sure about the vatican itself but I'm sure the wearing of headscarfs, fasting during ramadam and praying if it is salah would not be an offence that would have you thrown in jail.
I'm sorry if you feel that my last post was written in anger, but it was. I am here due to my DH's work and with respect, it is not for you to question why I am here. I made several comments in response to a question about what living in the Middle East is like.
I'm sorry if you feel my comment about salah was inappropriate but it was true. I have the greatest respect for a number of different religions and believe everyone should be entitled to their own beliefs. I cover my hair in public, I wear an abaya, I fast in public during ramadam and obey all the other laws. However, it truly can be a pain in the arse when you are allowed into a restaurant, are allowed to order and pay for a meal and then get turfed out before you can eat it because it is almost salah. this has happened several times. We of course always try to work around salah but sometimes it is very difficult when staff in shops and restaurants close early for example, particularly when they've already confirmed that you are there in plenty of time. This is just an example of what can/does happen and it is clearly frustrating. Please understand, I have no disrespect for islam and indeed have several Saudi friends here and have even been invited to iftar during ramadam at their families houses, which is a great honour. In fact, I have often heard several Saudis complaining about things like salah etc. Therefore no disrespect was intended and I'm sorry you've taken one comment the wrong way. Unless you are a catholic/christian living here you have absolutely no idea what it is like. Christmas is banned, easter is banned, my children at a british school can't enjoy either of these religious events but still participate in ramadam, eid etc. Yes, it is my choice and I could leave, but I have chosen not to despite the many negative aspects of daily life. I hope therefore I can be forgiven for a flippant comment which has been taken out of context.

xposts with you amani. As I said, I'm sorry if you were offended by my comment ref salah which was unintentional. I totally agree with you that we should all tolerate everyone else's religions. What a nicer, safer world we would live in if everyone did. You are not wrong about the saudi government

I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be for you to change and adapt to another country and do expect to you moan about things, especially as you are giving up Xmas etc. I do believe the Saudi government is not a good representative of Islam at all - in fact I think they are one of the biggest hypocrites around - I find countries such as Malaysia to be a better reflection of our relgion.

But you as you probably have learnt Salat is a very important part of Islam - which I feel deserves respect and I will make my voice heard if I find anyone being disrespectful. Anyhow, I am a peaceful person and don't want to make this out to be a long drawn out argument, you are forgiven, so let's just move one....

agree, about (some of the) Saudis being hypocrites, it doesn't help convey a good view of islam but thankfully I've met some lovely ones in the last few years out here and to be honest, I have far more understanding and respect for islam than I ever did before I moved here.
very unmumsnet hug and make up!
Your comments ref malaysia are encouraging as we are going there at Easter.

When I mean Saudi - I don't mean the people in general - mostly the government.

Malaysia is lovely - the people are so welcoming, the food awesome and beautiful scenery. Been 4 times - where are you going?? We went to KL, Langkawi and Penang. Twin Towers are amazing - when we went to visit kept thinking Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones would jump out from somewhere. Oh wish I was going again......

Each to their own but I couldn't live in a luxury prison - which is how I would see it.

As for having to show 'respect' to institutions that you a) don't believe in and b) don't respect you, that would go against the very core of my being.

Obviously totally depends on your outlook and what your own priorities are etc.

Amani, we are going to KL for around 8 days and then Langkawi for 5 days. Hoping to do a bit of diving if I can squeeze into a wetsuit with my post baby belly (due in 4 days - explains my hormones ) Really looking forward to seeing the sites.
sorry we have hijacked this thread OP and hope you get some more informative advice on Qatar and don't be put off by Saudi!