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Original poster

DH wants to move to middle east........

57 replies

npg1 · 03/02/2009 21:37

I dont know what to do. DH very driven, work orinentated etc.
He has taken a year off to study and has said there might be a career opportunity in Qatar. This is such a big move for me and our 2 dd's. DH loves travelling, im not to keen.

I have research it tonight, they have some nice schools etc but most schools are full and it does look a lovely place. Im scared about moving so far away, scared the kids wont get into a good school, scared about making new friends and settling in.

There is also a place in london but DH doesnt think it will be very good and also temping until a job comes up

He is telling me I am being negative about it and need to look at the positive side of moving out there. Am I being unreasonable? (from a man's point of view?!)

OP posts:
Amani · 04/02/2009 14:41

good luck with baby and enjoy hols
xx

castlesintheair · 04/02/2009 14:53

BIL & SIL spent 2 years in Qatar. They have lived in loads of countries in the ME. They currently live in Kuwait which they love. SIL hated Qatar. They lived in Saudi before that and she preferred it there. She said the only good thing about Qatar was the birth of their DD and she is a really positive person. I believe it has become over-developed very quickly. Can you go out for a visit first?

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 04/02/2009 15:01

I couldn't do it myself, basically because I would not be able to bear having to conform to woman-hating superstitions while walking down the street.
However, everyone feels differently about such things and so my recommendation is: can you have a holiday out there so you can actually see for yourself what it's like? Is it possible to contact people working for the company your DH wants to work for, so you can find out how they live and how they feel about it (while you're out there)?

LiegeAndLief · 04/02/2009 15:29

At the risk of continuing the religious theme, I used to live in KL and it always seemed very welcoming of different cultures, especially where holidays were involved - we got to do Christmas, Eid and Chinese New Year one after the other! Am sure you will have a great time mumoverseas, KL is great and Langkawi is beautiful (this was 15 years ago but am sure it is still true!).

desertgirl · 04/02/2009 16:44

solid gold, what woman hating superstitions would you have to conform to? I live in Dubai rather than Qatar but I don't conform to woman hating superstitions and I'm not aware of any in Qatar.

You should really dress respectably in public places other than the beach - covered shoulders etc - but that applies to men too. Don't know if Qatar has as big a proportion of people who completely ignore that 'should' as Dubai does though.

And you can't have kids (or, technically, live together, though people here do) outside of marriage (though you can bring ones you already had). I don't see that as a woman hating superstition - is that what you mean?

Anyway, OP, why not have a look at expatwoman qatar - go on there and ask the ladies already in Doha how they find it; you'll get a better idea than from people telling you about Saudi (or Dubai!) etc.

QS · 04/02/2009 16:53

I have never lived in a UK compound, but I have lived in Bangalore, in a local neighbourhood as the only "western" family. We were in the community, but as Europeans, we were never really accepted, and did not integrate. People viewed us with curiosity and suspicion, and although my immediate neighbours were keen to talk to me and exchange ideas, this did not mean I was accepted. Neither did it mean that any of them would go shopping with me, or go for a coffee, or anything, as they were bound by their own customs, and could not be seen outside the gates of their homes without their husbands.

Having a driver to chauffeur me and our son around is not the same as having company. This was probably the loneliest time in my life.

Living in the community and "integrating" is great, I did that as Norwegian in London, but it was not possible in India, and not because I wasnt trying. And next time we go, I shall insist on living in a luxury apartment in a complex where other foreigners live, close to the International School. Maybe, just maybe I will have somebody to go to the market with, or to the park, and not do EVERYTHING on my own with the kids.

Original poster
npg1 · 04/02/2009 16:54

Thank you all for your messages. I havent had time to really read them indepth so will read tonight. Lots for me to read! Thanks.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 04/02/2009 17:06

Don't know Qatar. Is it one of those oil rich places where they build ski slopes in the desert like Dubai? I would definitely not go, if so. Compounds sound awful, women will be expected to cheerlead their husbands and children and not do anything for themselves and there won't be anything to do except shop. But maybe there's more to it? Is there any amazing history like in Jordan or Syria or their ilk?

I don't think the family should be uprooted for just one member, unless there's a very good chance you'll all love it.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 04/02/2009 17:07

Desertgirl: not being allowed to drive or go out unaccompanied, having to cover one's head when men don't, basically being less than a full human citizen. I would not live in a place that required that of me.

desertgirl · 04/02/2009 17:13

solidgold, qatar isn't like that. I wouldn't live in Saudi either; but the rest of the Middle East is not Saudi.

ScummyMummy, I don't think you know much about Dubai - for a start, I'm a single mother with a full time job (so as you can perhaps imagine I don't have a lot of time for shopping) and quite happy here. And I don't live on a compound, and my neighbours come from all over the place - as do my colleagues.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 04/02/2009 17:16

DG: fair enough, I think I mixed up two different posts/locations.

ScummyMummy · 04/02/2009 17:27

Oh that's good, desertgirl. You're right, I know nothing at all about Dubai. Just that they build tall buildings and islands in the shape of other coutries. Glad it's treating you well.

Irisheyes78 · 04/02/2009 17:29

I'm in Dubai and have to admit it's much more pleasant here than pissy old Ireland.

There are things I miss about home of course but staying awake at night wonderig how I was going to pay my mortgage is not one of them.

We had a very comfortable life back home and it's the same over here.

Mosr women here cover themselves to some degree but if you don't you won't be stoned, just stared at.

I wasn't looking forward to coming here and prayed for an alternative but have to say it's great. The weather is fab and means that I can get out with our children instead of watching them with their noses pressed up against the window cos it's too cold to go outside.

Thyere are lots of bonuses, fuel is a lot cheaper than home and playschool can be as low as 500 dirhams a month. At the moment that works out to approx ?100.

We also have a maid who does all my cleaning and washing and also helps me with the children when they are not at playschool.

Negatives for me are the way men stare at you. The locals can be rude, the driving is scary and the traffic at times is just hopeless.

How about coming out here for a visit before making your decision either way.

desertgirl · 04/02/2009 17:41

irishgirl, with you 100% on the driving and the traffic! personally I don't get stared at much though I haven't been to the public beaches in ages - is that where you mean? or maybe I just don't notice it.

Have also not experienced rude locals (other than in their driving habits) in the 7 years I've been here; sorry to hear you have.

But it's Qatar the OP wants to know about; so I will shut up. The visit idea is a great one though nothing can really prepare you for living somewhere.

Irisheyes78 · 04/02/2009 18:09

Hiya Desertgirl,

And the sand is another thing.....

When I say rude locals I mean rude as in the womem seem to look you up and down and no one really smiles and says hello apart from the Indians. Can be lonely here at times.

I get stared at in the supermarkey and just generally going about my day to day business. Have not yet braved the beach because of the staring ut friends have recommened the Kempinksi Hotel as it's private and no all male parties are allowed in!

I have to say when I first arrived I was really disappointed in the place. It wasn't as glossy as the magazing made it out to be and there are places her that can only be described as shit holes. Pardon my language.
I wasn't expecting to see labour buses and never did I think that labour camps existed where the workers rent their beds!! How much of what I'm told is true I'm not sure but have sdeen the buses for myself so inclined to believe the stories.

Where in Dubai are you?

desertgirl · 04/02/2009 18:22

hi Irishgirl, what a shame. I really haven't experienced much staring (or any looking up and down that I can recall), are you young and gorgeous??

I admit I don't really smile and say hello to people I don't know either; probably lived in big cities for too long and tend to be miles away anyway - but I know some lovely local ladies, and have been to a couple of local weddings.

Yes there is a lot of very real poverty here - I suppose I was expecting it as when I came out for my interviews, the then office backed onto a sort of shanty town.

I live in Mirdif - you? How long have you been here? have you made some friends yet?

stuffitllama · 04/02/2009 18:56

Hello again
have been reading about difficulties fitting in and being stared at and so on

I don't want it to put the OP off
have lived in a couple of countries where one is stared at and treated differently and yes it can be hard particularly for the children

but you can develop a carapace which is a combination of acceptance that you live in someone else's country, leavened with internal irritation, so that eventually it doesn't interfere with the natural flow of life

being different brings both sides benefits and disadvantages and it is a tremendous bonus to understanding attitudes at home and in your host country

please don't let it put you off..it is not horrific ..just a different way of living

stuffitllama · 04/02/2009 18:56

QS I'm interested in your experience in Bangalore

stuffitllama · 04/02/2009 18:57

can you dive into the yurty thread at some point QS? no pressure

QS · 04/02/2009 19:21

Yurty thread???
where is that? link please, sounds interesting.

stuffitllama · 04/02/2009 19:33

don't be put off by the hugs

QS · 04/02/2009 19:36

looks like a paralell universe! come hold my hand!

escape · 04/02/2009 19:37

hijacks to wave at other Dubai galsx

Original poster
npg1 · 04/02/2009 20:20

Thanks everyone for being SO helpful.

Just had a row on phone with DP as he thinks i am being so negative about it. So is negative classed as spending hours yesterday researching Qatar, schools and living but aparently I was coming back with negative comments!

I dont really know what our options are at the mo, he is at business school studying an MBA which will finish in september and the plan I was hoping for would be for him to get a jb in London and we move abit closer. The way the ecomony is at the mo though I dont know what the options are. He mentioned Dubai last week, this week Qatar. Maybe next week it will be somewhere different. I said I need a couple of options or countries so i can research and find out whats best for out family.

Also is it true there is no alcohol? We are not married and I found this out yesterday (before he did!) and I know this can cause problems.

OP posts:
QS · 04/02/2009 20:44

I think you can find alcohol.

I have been to Dubai, though I have not lived there. (Spent a lovely time at Jumeria Beach at a conference) We had drinks at the Golf Club.

But maybe you can only find drinks in hotels and not in shops?
I have had alcohol in Dubai, Jordan, Egypt, but only in little backstreet restaurants and 0 star hotels....

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