Men, Relationships and Porn (again!)

[Janos]

I know it's an old chestnut but I've noticed a few blokes hanging round in here (and giving some good advice!) So thought I'd bring this up as I'm particlarly looking for a male persepctive, as well as wondering how other MNetters 'deal' with this issue.

Basically my DP looks at this stuff...I find it upsetting and threatening. I feel like I don't match up to the women in these pictures (I'm quite overweight and short..no-one's idea of glam quite frankly!). He reassures me that he's not comparing and till finds me attractive. I should point out that we generally have a really great relationship, it's just this niggling away at me...

Anyway, just wondered what people have to say..all advice/opnions welcome.

wheresmyfroggy - are you saying you've never even had a look, even out of curiosity?! oh, i forgot, your dw posts on this site I don't really use internet porn but i've certainly had a look. some of it fascinates me. it's just so damn weird.

i came across a site with some mates a few years ago. it was the weirdest thing i had ever seen. it was a softcore foot fetish sight. it had no nudity, just woman's feet in strappy shoes doing mundane things. there were about 8 or 9 mpegs on this guy's site. the weirdest one was a pickup truck stuck in the mud and the mpeg was about 3 minutes long with nothing but this woman's foot in strappy, high heeled shoes pressing madly on the excelarator pedal while the engine roared and the wheels spun in the mud. completely harmless but very weird.

I'm hoping my dh posts on this later today - becasue what I'm about to say will sound really crap coming from me. He doesn't like porn and the only time I have seen him really, really mad was on his stag night when all the others (including his brother) decided that they were going to a lap dancing club and he had two choices, go with them or come home on his own. He went with them and was disgusted at the way some of them behaved by paying to go behind curtain with 'dancers'. He thought that it was akin to being unfaithful and I felt desperatlry sorry for him and really pissed of at them for ruining his only stag night.
He has never willingly, as a grown man, looked at porn and I am curious as to why we tar all men with the same brush thinking that all of them do it?

yes DC I have never looked at it on the net. If I had I would say so [despite dw posting on this site......why would I hide it from her? she is a grown up too
] Like I said I am not denying ever looking at porn just using the www to look at it.
A friend of mine got stung with a seriously steep bill and a popup he couldnt rid his pc of [without calling a technician] after an evening looking up wierd and wonderful fetish sites...............that is enough to put anyone off. Also wouldnt do it on home mac as have dd and numerous nieces and nephews who use it and what if they found any in history.

fair enough.

i feel a bit of a t%%t now. Sorry WMF, i didn't mean to tar you with the same brush.

..... and stop sending those disgusting pictures of yourself and that donkey to me immediately or i'll call the cops.

I think that all men like porn and those who say they dont are fibbing. I just dont get it though - what is the attraction especially if you are getting enough at home??

I think once we do have children I won't want DH looking on the net and having it on the computer as I found it all even thou he thought he'd hiden it from me (most was deleted but I kept the good stuff - little clips and so on) I don't like the idea of my children being able to find this stuff, althou he seems to think he can partition the computer so they only have access to certain parts. obviously i'd have full access!

My DP doesn't look at porn. He has absolutely no objection to naked women, but doesn't fool himself that the women posing for photographs are actually doing it because they enjoy it, which rather takes the - ahem - gloss off it. And yes, I do believe him.

IMO all the women should start logging on and looking at loads of porn themselves - just to see how their hubbies like it.

I find in partiular if you start looking at male gay porn (which can be distasteful, but generally the blokes are better looking, and you are there to prove a point, not enjoy yourself! ) that it should suffice in teaching your dh/bf a lesson...

Stay away from girl on girl porn, this will only encourage him!!!

you've got a damn good point. if dw started looking at hardcore male porn and i found the history, i would be pretty creeped out.

I think if I looked like you and your dp Kama,I wouldnt have any hang ups either!!(Am talking about your recent photo on your profile that you posted). If you had my bellows for a belly,my double chins and my strectch marks then maybe you would feel a tad insecure about him gawping at gorgeous women like yourself???

Kama?

where's kama's profile, where's kama's profile!!!

it isn't 'labelled' with the word kama so my word search failed.

I'm sure when she returns she will grace you with a link!!

I hope you know Kama,I wasnt being derogitary about you-you are stunning and I hope deep down you knowFrom seeing your posts you have much self respect for others and yourself-I'm only jealous and would love to be a slim lovely like you!!!

'file not found'

nevermind. i'll take dropinthe's word that you are, in fact.... a hottie.

'hottie'. isn't that the cheesiest term? lol.

Wow thanks everyone for your comments - I didn't expect so many. Kama, your comment about body image really hit a nerve with me...I often feel like that myself.

I think this has caused so many arguments because I have become much more 'hardline' about this since my DS was born (5 months ago). Thinking about it, it is not really pictures of naked women per se that offend me - after all - we all come in different shapes and sizes. It's more the attitude to women that it displays, particularly in those bl**dy mens magazines which I HATE, HATE, HATE. MY DP has bought copies of these magazines occasionally and boy do they wind me up. I guess I can't help personalising it and thinking that girl is someone's sister, someone's daughter etc...and I think there is a nasty side to the industry. I guess I can't just see it as a harmless bit of fun.

Hmm, forgot what my point was...sorry for waffling!

I meant arguments betweeb me and my DP, not on mumsnet!

you know, my DH's away at the mo and i've been telling my DB to buy mags for DH to send to him (I'm not the sort of person who could buy them see), nayhow, DH says to DB that could they possibly be in english next time cos he can't read spanish, somthing about he likes to read the articles as well not so much as to look a the pics, thta way I suppose at least he's using his imagionation!