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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

so angry i could explode - irrational?

77 replies

huggybear · 05/04/2005 15:50

My 2 year old is a happy, bright, confident little boy, he is well behaved and pleasent.

I'm so so angry with my Bil, he calls my son 'Johnney the comdom' and calls him a wussy boy and a puff and basically takes the piss out of him - hes 2 YEARS OLD FFS

its because ds plays with his cousins pushchair and dolls or plays with there dressing up clothes or even cause he likes to try mommys shoes on - all completely normal stuff

It really pissing me off cause i know my son is wonderful and to see his little face when his uncle takes the piss out of him is horrible (although he probably cant understand what the words mean he can definatly understand the 'in taking the piss' tone of voice)

i really feel like i hate this man - i ussually just ignore him or if i try and make a point of asking him not to speak to ds like this i get my mil and him telling me not to be ridiculas (sp?)

am so so pissed off

havent even seen him today, the thread about boys and dolls made me realise how angry i was with his behaviour but im also worried i may be being irrational

OP posts:
berolina · 05/04/2005 16:32

at your bil's behaviour.

I'm sorry, but after that behaviour I wouldn't be letting my ds anywhere near him, regardless of any family pressure. I dread to think what kinds of ideas his dds are growing up with.

Original poster
huggybear · 05/04/2005 16:33

ok, am going over now to see him. the longer i put it off the angrier and more annoyed i'll get and the less sense i'll make.

I am an adult who deserves to be listened too and no one is allowed to put my son down in any way. If his behavoiur doesnt change towards both ds and myself we will no longer be coming round.

that is what im going to keep telling myself all the way there. Am feeling abit nervous about it but it has to be done.

thanks ladies (and gentlemen) x

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 05/04/2005 16:35

Good luck.

Original poster
huggybear · 05/04/2005 16:39

berolina - his kids are being bought up by mil and fil cause he and his wife both work very long hours and dont seem to be able to manage with their kids on the weekend cause its their day off they live next door to mil,

they live next door to mil so we cant even go round their cause bil and sil are always their. but hopefully it wont be a problem after today

speak to you all later xx

OP posts:
Janos · 05/04/2005 16:41

Huggybear - I meant the bit where I said 'well done you'. Just thought it could have been taken the wrong way.

Agree with Caligula. Some people use humour as a cover for all kinds of nastiness, so if they're called on it they can say 'It was only a joke...'

Yeah, right! Don't let this prat get away with it.

Hope you don't mind me saying but your MIL sounds like a controlling sort of person. They are always a nightmare to deal with, esp when they don't get their own way.

Janos · 05/04/2005 16:42

Good luck huggybear. All the best

Caligula · 05/04/2005 16:45

Sock it to 'im, Baby!

runtus · 06/04/2005 08:30

How did you get on??

BubblesDeVere · 06/04/2005 08:59

First of all, no you are not being irrational.

Secondly, how on earth do you keep your calm with this man (if you can call him that).

Thirdly, your dh should go round and tell his brother not to call his son names etc and stand by you.

I hope you managed to have a work with him and let him know that this is far from acceptable.

Let us know how it went.

BubblesDeVere · 06/04/2005 09:01

Make a point of asking him if his two little girls played with trains, footballs and tool kits if he would start calling them names.

I think this boils down to pure jealousy that he has got two dd's and you have a ds.

ggglimpopo · 06/04/2005 09:15

Message withdrawn

aloha · 06/04/2005 09:29

He's AWFUL. Good luck. Your boy comes first.

Earlybird · 06/04/2005 09:44

I think you would be irrational if you didn't feel upset with this sort of awful behaviour. And to be honest, the fact that most of your dh's family thinks you're overeacting would cause me to severely limit the time I spent around them.....until they start acting in a loving/supportive manner.

pinkmama · 06/04/2005 09:45

Hi Huggybear, just seen this thread and feel as shocked as the others. How did it go with BIL. Admire you for going round, it can be hard to face something when it evokes such emotions. Let us know how it goes. And for what its worth, yes as everybody says he is bullying and being very cruel to your son, but it sounds like he is being to you too, and I really think your dh ought to stick up for you both too. Sure you can handle yourself, but some solidarity would be helpful. Hope you ok.

bossykate · 06/04/2005 09:47

agree with everyone else, this is awful. good luck.

Janos · 06/04/2005 10:46

If you feel up to it, please let us know how it went last night, huggybear, even if it's just for another rant. Thinking of you and your DS

snafu · 06/04/2005 10:49

Huggybear, just read this. What an appalling man (she says, very politely). There is nothing irrational about what you're feeling. Please let us know how it goes.

serenity · 06/04/2005 11:22

How did it go with that awful man?

Original poster
huggybear · 12/04/2005 16:48

He wasn't in! been round twice now (and am at mil atm - she lives next door too him) but have spoken to 2 of my friends and to dh who all agree with me that its inacceptable. Hopefully i'll still be here when he gets back. Have packed ds1 off to my moms so that i can take to bil in peace. Am still determined to tell him - will probably be posting tomorrow a big rant about how he didnt ubderstand and mils defending him blah blah blah ......

OP posts:
FastasleepTheInsomniac · 12/04/2005 16:55

Go for it huggybear really give him an earful!

psychomum5 · 12/04/2005 17:01

I am truly appalled (sp?) at how a grown man can do this to a two yr old.!!

What it sounds like is that he is either extremely jealous of the fact that you have a son, rather than daughters, or that he has an issue with his sexuality......

Maybe even that he was badly teased himself as a child by a family male figure, and so in some way is trying to regain some stupid ego by being so hideous, and the only way (in his small mind) is to pick on someone small and vunerable.

Wonder what he would make of my 2.8mth and 4.11mth sons who both dance at their sisters ballet school, think Bratz are THE coolest things ever, and feed baby dolls and take them out in pushchairs regularly???

I even have pictures somewhere of my eldest boy playing football in his sisters ballet tutu....LOL!!

Hope things get sorted....xxxxxx

Janos · 12/04/2005 17:28

Good luck huggybear!

kama · 12/04/2005 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
huggybear · 14/04/2005 15:18

Okay... Decided that talking to mil would be a good starting point to get her on side so to speak, so i took her for lunch today and explained how unacceptable bils behaviour was. SHE LAUGHED I explained that even though for some strange reason she thought it was funny that if nothing changed she'd be seeing a lots less of her gransons. She agreed to speak to him for me.... will wait and see what happens

grrrrr they all wind me up!!!! and she let her grandaughter who is 2 sit in the middle of the backseat with no seatbelt on and a car seat strapped in mext to her.... because she is a big girl!

OP posts:
wild · 14/04/2005 15:19

laughed? what an insensitive person can see where he gets it from
Good for you for sticking to your guns!

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