I've just asked my husband to leave and he's gone

[Prudence69]

He hit my DS with some ties i.e. whipped him because DS (nearly 4) was playing in the wardrobe when he shouldn't have been.

I stood up to H and told him if he ever hit DS again, I'd call the police and social services.

This is after a morning of H telling DS to fuck off and stop being such a stupid boy.

H then tells DS it's all his fault his mummy and daddy are no longer together.

He's gone. I don't know where. I don't know. I'm very frightened about what to do.

Did I over react? I'm scared that he will eventually really hurt the DCs. He gets very angry about not being able to read his car magazine. I'm not well today and asked if I could have the morning in bed. He'd done all the breakfast as I'd asked and tidied up and we were both relaxing when he utterly blew up about this incident. He's been to anger management before.

def has anger issues

I don't think you over-reacted at all, if my dh told my 4 yr old to fuck off he would have marching orders. He needs to address the anger issue, better he walks that lashes out
(hugs) to you though. Do you have family or friends nearby?

I think you did the right thing. Do youhave any RL support? I think you will need to be strong.

Oh what a horrible morning youre having Prudence. xxxxx Its absolutely not acceptable to tell a child to fuck off or hit them out of anger. You did the right thing telling him to go and he did the right thing by going.

Hopefully he will cool off enough for you to be able to talk properly later today / tomorrow / in the week. I hope you sort it out and he agrees to work on his anger towards you and the children. He perhaps needs a refressher on his AM course. Big hugs xxxxxx

"Did I over react?" NO - you didnt. He spent the morning telling a four year old child to "fuck off"
He "whipped" him!

He is dangerous. Has he has hit your son before?

I could never trust a man like this around my children.

Do not take him back. If he turns up , call the police. In fact, call them anyway, explain the situation and ask for their advice.

He packed a big suitcase. I grabbed some of his shirts and took them to another room telling him I wanted him out.He grabbed my entire wardrobe contents and threw them on the floor.

I don't know if he hurt DS with the ties but he whipped his arm and DS was crying. DS is a difficult child it has to be said but I don't think he deserves what happened today. Will it get worse?

I know he's a good man but he had this temper from time to time.

It's going to be a real struggle. I don't know if I want him back. If I take him back, how will he ever take me seriously again? It'll become a pantomime.

He told DS to fuck off once.

If your DS is 'difficult' that's because he watches his daddy charge aroind with a fowl , unpredictable temper, and probably feels constantly syressed about how he should behave - as, no doubt, do you.
No child(or mother) should have to live like this.

I am sorry to hear you are having a horrible time - seriously, I really think you should speak to a professional - doctor or someone. Abuse only gets worse. Your poor DS. Please get some help, a peaceful home with less income is better than an angry home with 2 parents. I know, I am there.
Take care of yourself and DS x

His behaviour was appalling. And he had no right to tell DS it's his fault his parents aren't together- children so often feel that, so he's just trying to cause DS more damage. How is DS now?

You will be in shock. Try to rest now, get better. Call on any friends or family you can rely on for support. If/when he gets in touch, discuss him doing more anger management, also some counselling for why he is so angry with DS and the world. You don't have to decide yet whether he comes back or not - in fact, it may be best if he stays away for awhile until he gets help to control his temper and has some hard talking about where your relationship is going.

Does he feel jealous of DS, especially if he's 'difficult' and probably needs a lot of your attention? How long have you been together? He may be having trouble adjusting to being in a new family with a child who isn't his, and who competes for your love and attention in his eyes.

I'm not surprised your ds is difficult with a father who behaves like that. Poor you. Like others have said, you did not overreact. You will need support now though.

would you ever feel happy about leaving this man alone in charge od ds ever again? would you?

my ex was similiar....he got worse as the kids got older and became able to answer back!! we left...

Go give your baby a cuddle,a big cuddle, with lots of kisses and while you are cuddling him, think of how you want him to partner his future partner and father his future children.
If how you want him to behave is in ANY WAY different to how his father is behaving; well, then you have your answer.

did he take his stuff with him, or has he gone in a huff and likely to return in couple of hours?

He packed a big suitcase and said he'd do whatever I wanted. I said I wanted him to leave. He said fine and left.

Thing is things are great for ages and then something like this happens and he just gets a really shitty attitude and starts yelling and screaming. I hate him for doing this to my family. I wanted a family and because he can't take the effing strain, he messes it up. And blames the kid. His kid by the way.

We were nose-to-nose with me telling him forcefully that if he ever touched DS again I'd call the police, SS etc. He said that was fine equally forcefully. If I don't stick for them, then who else will? DS is a royal pain most of the time but he's not the adult, is he?

I'm furious now.

"DS is a difficult child"....
"DS is a royal pain most of the time"...

I'm not bloody surprised if thats the way he gets treated by his father, someone who should be looking after him.

Stay furious.

And keep that man away from your DS until he can prove he can control himself.

I think you should change the locks actually.

Ring the local police station. Speak to their DV person (domestic violence) and make sure the incident is recorded. You might need it in future if he gets shirty about access etc. You don't have to rpess charges - just have it written down as an incident, nothing happens unless you need to refer back to it in future iyswim/

I would make sure it is recored and reported for nothing else but to ensure it is seen you are not supporting this behaviour if anything ever happens again.

I also think you need some support and recommend womens aid.

I am not going to tell you what to do as it really does have to be your decision but having been with a man who hit his kids when he lost his temper it didnt stop after I chucked him out but continued in contact visits. He has got better over the last year but has now been arrested three times.

What he did was unacceptable. The emotional abuse as much [maybe more] as/than the physical. He would need to recognise the problem and address some anger management issues for you to think about being together as a family. Relate may be able to point you in the right direction, if he's willing to go with you. Your poor little boy.

You have said a few times how difficult your child is, and I am sorry, but that does not justify what your husband has done.

I hope you can make your son feel safe and secure.

Who said I was trying to justify what my husband has done? I was pointing out triggers for his behaviour that, as an adult, shouldn't create such anger in him.