I've just asked my husband to leave and he's gone

[Prudence69]

He hit my DS with some ties i.e. whipped him because DS (nearly 4) was playing in the wardrobe when he shouldn't have been.

I stood up to H and told him if he ever hit DS again, I'd call the police and social services.

This is after a morning of H telling DS to fuck off and stop being such a stupid boy.

H then tells DS it's all his fault his mummy and daddy are no longer together.

He's gone. I don't know where. I don't know. I'm very frightened about what to do.

Did I over react? I'm scared that he will eventually really hurt the DCs. He gets very angry about not being able to read his car magazine. I'm not well today and asked if I could have the morning in bed. He'd done all the breakfast as I'd asked and tidied up and we were both relaxing when he utterly blew up about this incident. He's been to anger management before.

You have decided not to stand by and let him abuse your child.

Just dont go back on that. Your poor boy must be terrified and confused.

My father was like this and it has had massive effects on me. I think that unless he is willing to address the issue of his temper I wouldn't have him back. My siblings percieve their problems as just as much my mothers fault as my dads as she never did anything about it......

yes well done you for making a stand. even though it is very hard for you. Your little boy will not feel betrayed by you, as he may have had you not stood up for him. I do understand how stressful it is when a 4 year old plays up, we're having terrible tantrums here at the moment and it does put a strain on the parents, but your ds needs to know what is right and what is wrong, and you're leading by example.

Don't make excuses for him he is in the wrong Let him go until he gets help with his anger.Your ds will be really badly affected by this treatment i would concentrate on making him feel loved and secure and let the real pain in the ass sod off

of course you have not over-reacted you did the right thing which was to protect your DS.
As others have said, he might be a pain at times (show me a child that isn't!) but that doesn't justify the way his father has behaved towards him.
I'd be a little careful about reporting him to the police as others have suggested as that could be opening a can of worms and people don't always realise that the police can go ahead with a prosecution (ie of assault) even if you don't want them to. Please don't think I'm saying he should get away with this, just be careful as you might end up with all sorts of investigations from SS etc and things could easily be blown out of proportion. Document it yes, ie keep a diary but just have a think before you take a drastic step.
He needs to have some form of counselling ref his anger and realise that you won't tolerate this anymore.

Personally I am not sure counseling will help.

If he got angry with everyone around him and whipped his boss with a tie when he annoyed him that would be an anger problem. This is simply about control and I think if he gets help with his emotions he will just become a better manipulator.

Get help form womens aid they are really useful at these things and relate as well and well done for standing up to him in this way which is a difficult and painful thing to do.