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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

husband quit his job-dumb thing to do?

50 replies

needsomesunshine · 23/01/2009 00:13

im so upset i cant type for tears. my husband quit his job. said he is fed up with it. i have to agree that his job is crap but its well paid & hes quit without having another one to go to and we are heavily in debt. we moved in with his parents 6 months ago, swopped our new car for a crappy old one and rented out our house. all this so we could pay off our bills. the house still isnt let, i havent found a job and now hes decided hes had enough and wants to retrain.
sometimes i think he did the right thing but other times i get so upset at his stupidity. he hasnt been accepted onto a course yet and has no money for fees. he defaulted on his student loan from the last time he decided this 3 years ago.
we have 4 kids under 8 and i feel so depressed. ive worked hard to make a better life for them and now i wonder why i bothered when its amounted to nothing but debts.
i feel so stuck and helpless. i hate living with my inlaws, the kids school is crap and i feel like im the only one making the effort to get us out of this situation. he has a ccj so we would find it hard to rent and have no money for a deposit anyway. he wants me to go back to work and be the main earner.
i feel like leaving him as im really starting to hate him but we are from a strong christian family and would never hear the end of it. hes so moody, selfish and immature. im tired of waiting for him to grow up.

OP posts:
PlumBumMum · 23/01/2009 00:28

I don't know what to say
But think husband was silly to quit job in current climate

needsomesunshine · 23/01/2009 00:30

me too but they wont take his resignation back now

OP posts:
mymama · 23/01/2009 00:34

Agree with PBM. Could you sell your house to relieve some of the debt?

needsomesunshine · 23/01/2009 00:36

not the way the house market is at the moment and doubt if theres any equity in it.

OP posts:
PlumBumMum · 23/01/2009 00:39

Hopefully you will find a renter soon for your house
You sound sensible sit your husband down for a good talk
I know its easy to say but it will get better although sometimes a little overwhelming esp with 4 dcs

needsomesunshine · 23/01/2009 00:41

thanku. ive tried talking to him. fed up with it now, anyway its too late to do anything about it. but cant stop feeling bad thoughts towards him.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 23/01/2009 01:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needsomesunshine · 23/01/2009 07:40

im thinking of going to stay at my mothers for a while. he wants to go back to be a full time student.

OP posts:
BrianOBrain · 23/01/2009 07:45

Very for you. I am in much the same position, except I have told him, if he does quit the crap job, he will have no home, he will have to move out.

Do what is best for you.

Best of luck.

LoveMyGirls · 23/01/2009 08:05

If your house is empty why don't you take your dc's back there and leave him at his mums?

Claim as many benefits as you can as a single mum and get a pt job. This might not be perm option but until he see's sense it might be the best thing to do?

So sorry to hear what a total arse he's being, you can't just quit when you get bored, god knows we all have tough times but you keep going because you have to!

My mums 50, she's a nurse she wants to re-train to be a doctor - she'd be brilliant at it BUT she can't because she can't afford to be a student again and she doesn't have 4 children relying on her.

I'd like to be a photographer but it's totally unrealistic so I carry on doing the job I'm best at and that will earn me the money we need.

What have his parents said?

savoycabbage · 23/01/2009 08:12

Blardy hell, you poor thing! Excellent idea from Lovemygirls though to claim benefits as a single mother. I think that you should at least try and find out about that today.

He is being an arse. Lots of us don't like thir jobs but now is no time to quit. I know you know that! I was just gettin a bit het up on your behalf there!

missingtheaction · 23/01/2009 08:19

you don't have 4 kids under 8, you have 5. He is a millstone round your neck. Do you want to still be married to him? He is going to drag you and your children down down down. Could you separate without divorcing?

HolyGuacamole · 23/01/2009 09:04

What a selfish git. Can he register with an agency straight away to get some work asap? I also agree with lovemygirls too. He needs to put his needs on the backburner until you are financially sound.

What are his parents saying about it? I can't believe with 4 children, he has basically passed the buck to his parents to look after you all, I too would be majorly angry with him. It is so unfair on you

He needs to step up to the plate and be a responsible father! Is there anyone you know that can talk some sense into him? I'd make my own plans regarding the house, work and the children and only allow him to join me if he intends to do his 50%, and that means working to support his family.

BecauseImWorthIt · 23/01/2009 09:09

Yes, it was a dumb thing to do.

It was also incredibly irresponsible and he is clearly not capable of occupying a parental role. He's abdicated that to you and his parents.

Agree with LMG - move back into your own home, but without him, and claim everything that you can/are entitled to.

It can't be worse that the situation you're in now, surely?

cheerfulvicky · 23/01/2009 09:28

LMG has some great advice there - that is exactly what I would do. He is being a selfish git and vastly immature, the mind boggles! He sounds like he's about 15...

PlumBumMum · 23/01/2009 10:49

Morning sunshine
hope your feeling abit better this morning

lovemygirls good post

hopefully you'll be able to think clearer today and don't be worrying about your husband because he wasn't thinking of you and your dc's when he quit his job

gigglinggoblin · 23/01/2009 10:55

Sadly it makes a lot of financial sense to split up, we would be much better off if we werent together. In your shoes I would be back in the empty house in a flash. Nothing to say its for ever, he can always move back in when he is prepared to be a grown up

lalalonglegs · 23/01/2009 11:40

Can your in-laws put any pressure on him? I don't imagine they are delighted by the situation.

Katw3kitts · 23/01/2009 11:46

I think that was a very selfish decision from your DH.

Lots of jobs are crap ... but sometimes thats the way things go ... the wages pay the bills etc until something better comes along.

I understand your strong faith ... but what about your own happiness ? your kids ??

Sorry, I would be back in the empty house too until such time as he gets his act together.

needsomesunshine · 23/01/2009 12:12

the house is 90 miles away so not really the easiest option. i went to the benefits office today. he said i should get a place, get housing benefit and income support. as long as im only working part time i can get full benefits. that was a relief! but i need to find the deposit and first months rent myself and a landlord that will accept us!
thanks for all your advice its been really good to know im not the only one who thinks hes being immature.

OP posts:
jeee · 23/01/2009 12:14

Just wondering - could he have been made redundant, but didn't want to own up to this so said he'd resigned? I don't think this would make the situation better, but perhaps would be more understandable?

MrsTittleMouse · 23/01/2009 12:18

Re: your faith
Do you have a vicar/minister that you could go to to help you with your marriage? Perhaps an outsider could help your husband see that he's being selfish.

needsomesunshine · 23/01/2009 14:06

no he definately quit. no doubt there and theyve said he cant retract his resignation. everybodys tried talking to him. just need to figure out how to move forward now. i think he felt that he didnt have to take responsibility, that i would just go back to work and everything would be okay. hes quite immature like that.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 23/01/2009 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 23/01/2009 14:57

i'd leave him because financially you'll probably be better off without him.

he's done this before, he'll do it again.

sorry, but he sounds really immature, selfish and a bit of a loser.

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