husband quit his job-dumb thing to do?

[needsomesunshine]

im so upset i cant type for tears. my husband quit his job. said he is fed up with it. i have to agree that his job is crap but its well paid & hes quit without having another one to go to and we are heavily in debt. we moved in with his parents 6 months ago, swopped our new car for a crappy old one and rented out our house. all this so we could pay off our bills. the house still isnt let, i havent found a job and now hes decided hes had enough and wants to retrain.
sometimes i think he did the right thing but other times i get so upset at his stupidity. he hasnt been accepted onto a course yet and has no money for fees. he defaulted on his student loan from the last time he decided this 3 years ago.
we have 4 kids under 8 and i feel so depressed. ive worked hard to make a better life for them and now i wonder why i bothered when its amounted to nothing but debts.
i feel so stuck and helpless. i hate living with my inlaws, the kids school is crap and i feel like im the only one making the effort to get us out of this situation. he has a ccj so we would find it hard to rent and have no money for a deposit anyway. he wants me to go back to work and be the main earner.
i feel like leaving him as im really starting to hate him but we are from a strong christian family and would never hear the end of it. hes so moody, selfish and immature. im tired of waiting for him to grow up.

90 miles away from him is exactly where I'd want to be if my dp did this to our family!

thanks everyone, i appreciate the responses.

I'm sorry about the situation - but it sounds as though you've found a solution.

Agree your DH was irresponsible but a lot of people suffer from sole-provider-pressure and it sounds as though he wasn't ready for the responsibility.

Good luck

what a selfish prick. sorry you are having oto go through this.

He needs a strong response - ie. you do as others have suggested, move back into your vacant property, move forward as a single parent & leave him to play student until his parents get tired of it.

If you're in a relationship, with kids, one of the things you give up is the autonomy to jack in a 'crap' job at a moment's notice & with nothing else to go to.

needsomesunshine - think you better look into the fact that you might not be entitled to get another house and then get housing benefit on it when you already have one. (a house that is). just a thought.

Your situation sounds horrible and you sound very brave. Your DC are lucky to have such a strong mum.

I'm sorry, but if you own a property you will not be entitled to housing benefit towards renting another. I'm a benefits adviser. You might be entitled to help with the interest component of your mortgage payments on the house you already have through the jobcentre. You should also speak to the Council in the area where you used to live about getting council tax exemption or claiming council tax benefit for that house. Please be very careful, I see so many people going to court or having to pay back huge amounts of benefits they weren't entitled to.

Sell your house regardless of the market because if you aren't working and he isn't working whose paying the mortgage? It'll get repossessed.

Selling your home doesn't automatically guarantee you to another place either though (council) as they will see you as making yourself intentionally homeless so do beware.
Perhaps see the CAB for further advice re: the best course of action open to you.

If you do move back into your empty home without him you will be entitled to help.

I personally would never stay with a man who, even without debt, current economic climate etc, left his job because he wanted to do something else....but with 5 dependants!?!.

Florapost, can I ask you a quick question please?

I have neighbours who have a DMP put in place by the CAB i think.
She doesn't work, he did until 4 months ago, doesn't seem to be working now unless he is on the sick.
How could they be paying their mortgage? Is it likely to be being paid for them? How does that work then?

Can we all just leave our jobs and get everything paid for us?

You normally have to be out of work for a whole nine months before the state will give you any help with a mortgage - by which time the mortgage company will probably have repossessed so I doubt anyone actually gets to benefit. Gordon Brown was talking about changing it to three months, I think, but not sure that's come into force yet.

Even if you do get help, it only pays the interest - so you still owe the repayment part of the mortgage and will face arrears when you do find work (IF your mortgage lender agrees to wait).

Makes sense for the government to contribute as there just isn't enough social housing to go round.

Maybe your neighbours have made an agreement with the mortgage company to suspend payments for a period - especially as they have (sensibly) taken advice from CAB. At any rate, it's not as simple as 'leave work and get everything paid'. Benefits pay enough to survive as long as you don't face any major expenses like your boiler breaking down. They don't offer a fun lifestyle.

needmoresunshine - your house is going to be reposesed unless you rent it out soon. You only need to bring in enough rent to cover the mortgage, so consider dropping the price. Do that today.

No they don't look like they are having fun tbh. The systems of social security seem entirely baffling, thanks Edam for clearing that up for me.

needsomesunshine - I'm concerned for your health. If you can't type for tears (and I'm not surprised, given all that (D?)H is putting you through); you may well be suffering from stress &/or depression. As a Christian, I would definitely back the poster who recommended talking to a pastor/vicar/priest. Would you also consider seeing a doctor? He/she could refer you for counselling, which I have found to be extremely helpful. I'm praying for you!

Oh, yes, and he won't be entitled to jack shit because he quit his job, he wasn't sacked or made redundant.

What a git.

I'm so sorry you've had this dumped on you.

It's passive aggression of the worst sort - he's decided to do what HE wants, to get HIS own way (or so he thinks), by placing you in an impossible position, before any attempt at discussion and/or compromise re: how you both manage 4 very young children and bring in a wage.

The worst thing is he almost certainly would NOT have done this if he was a single man on his own, because there wouldn't have been anyone else around - like you, or his parents - to pick up the pieces, and he would still have needed to put a roof over his own head. This makes what he's done, when he has 4 kids, all the more appallingly selfish. I don't give a toss about sole provider stress - though I admit it exists - when someone behaves like this. He certainly isn't thinking of his children, and the assumption that you will go back to work, aside from the fact that he's supposed to be in a partnership and therefore NOT "in charge", is bloody pie in the sky stuff at this moment in time when each vacancy is attracting 10s, or 100s, of applicants and hard pressed (or, in some cases, advantage taking) employers are offering lower wages in many sectors than they were even 6 months ago.

I really don't see what can be gained from staying with him ..... I don't see how you'd ever be able to respect or trust him again, even if you were able (and willing) to find a FT job capable of supporting you all. I would remain full of resentment forever more that he could make such a crass, selfish decision endangering the whole family's wellbeing, for the sake of him retraining (unless I've missed it - as what ? and with what ? - seeing as you say you're in debt). Added to which, if he is retraining, how is childcare for 4 children going to be paid for if he's out of the house at college most of the time ? He really has been a complete and utter shit to you.

I agree with Miss Tittlemouse, I'm not religous myself but believe that some churches offer pastoral counselling.

A neutral third party may be what you need as a couple to address some of these issues, although agree with everyone else that he is being a prize idiot, I suspect with your beliefs you would find it impossible to walk away without trying all the options first.

Keep strong, as I know you have to for your children.

Edam is right, the waiting time for mortgage interest relief was reduced to 13 weeks as of 5th January this year - i.e. if you had already been waiting for 13 weeks by then you could get help. I should have put that mortgage interest relief if only available to those in receipt of a qualifying benefit. The OP's husband will not be entitled to Job Seekers Allowance for 26 weeks because he left his job voluntarily. Depending on the family circumstances he might get hardhip payments in the interim which is 60% of the value of JSA. I would think that the fastest way for the OP to get some money in her pocket will be for her and DH to make a joint Income Support claim.

Astarte - maybe your neighbours are taking advantage of the rule change.

i never realised i couldnt get housing benefit, even if im going to be a single parent? the house has no equity and its not near where we are now. i found out today the house is let so cant move back now.
i must be entitled to some help?

No, you are not automatically entitled to housing benefit even if you are a lone parent if you own another property.

You will likely qualify for income support and/or perhaps some council tax benefit.

But even with your home rented out you may also not be considered a priority as far as housing is concerned in your council, as some councils have different rules as to what constitutes unvoluntary homelessness.

so im stuck with him at my inlaws then?!

if you live in a cheaper area perhaps you could pay rent out of your income support?

I don't know the rules in Scotland, but in England and Wales the test re. un/intentional homelessness is whether there is any action the homeless person could have taken or omitted to take which would have averted the homelessness. The test is the same everywhere because it is set down in law. (Yes, I do housing too...)

In this case the question would be did the family choose to move out of the home they own or not. The reasons for doing so and the fact that it is now let are immaterial. In addition to that, the husband giving up his job would be seen as intentionally compounding the position whereby they cannot house themselves.

Sorry OP to sound like a harbinger of doom, but the more info you have the better you can plan your next steps. I would suggest you have a look on www.adviceguide.org.uk which has great factsheets on benefits and housing. You may well be entitled to some benefits. Many councils run welfare benefit projects which can look at your individual circumstances, identify what you are eligible for and help you apply.

Good luck with the practicalities and with sorting out you DH.

Pretty much the same here, Flora. You are not even considered threatened homeless until your landlord has given you your notice to quit. In many councils, the landlord has to actually go to court before you, the tenant, can be considered homeless.

Of course, there are medical grounds, and fleeing domestic violence or violent situations.

But the rules are getting stricter as most councils have a shortage of housing.

Sunshine, just wanted you to know that you're not alone, I'm in a similar situation too. CAT me if you want to talk about it.

i would love to worriedmum10 but im a bit dim and dont know what CAT means !