What constitutes an 'emotional' affair?

[sowhatis]

Can someone help - am a regular but obviously needed to change names!

just as the title says really - what do you all consider as an affair? does sex always have to be involved? i.e. what is an emotional affair?

Hoping you can help

Not sure if blokes are welcome here, but I am enjoying the female perspective... so here's mine.

An emotional affair is nothing more than a signal that there are serious problems in your relationship. The hardest (and undoubtedly best) route is to confront your other half about this and really do something about it, rather than just a chat about it a few times. But it is so much harder to address these things in the middle of an affair (believe me, I know). The longer the affair (emotional or sexual) has time to develop, the more intense it will become and the less you will value your marriage. You had sex with this guy before, so be honest with yourself. If you carry on with this, it is only a matter of time and convenience for you both before you will do it again.

I think that the key tipping point for any emotional affair is when the OW/M becomes your primary confidant. Also if you talk lots (complain) about your spouse with the OM, then you are affecting the balance of your marriage in a completely negative way. That is a massive betrayal, and you shouldn't underestimate it. I am not judging, believe me, but you shouldn't underestimate the seriousness of this. It is much more than just flirting. You are just hiding from problems in the marriage with and using this emotional affair as escapism. Why not try to do something about your marriage, maybe renegotiating the relationship as something more sexually open with your H, before you go in this direction? Truth is always the best way, IMHO. And try to remember that after an affair, usually the hardest thing for a spouse to forgive is the lying, not the sex.

Good luck

Been there too, on the receiving end - like gooddad says, once they become primary confidant you start to distance yourself from your OH, they notice, and the relationship is then firmly on the road to discovery and the hell that follows.