Just had 4 policemen round - he hit me because I didn't want him to read my MN stuf

[Carla]

And threw me to the ground. He'll be back tonight, though. They couldn't stop him.

rickman, not wavering. Just thought he might say something to me today. But he hasn't - still seems like the whole thing's my fault. Just wondering today, what could I do to make it (a) come to a head or (b) go away. Feel like I'm just stuck with it, although his awfulness has made me feel I can play my music again, at least.

Bearess, that's so lovely of you. Mum and sister are in central London, but sometimes I feel if they're too familiar with the situation. Would love to CAT you, if that's OK? thank you.

carla - if you've not already done so, go and see a specialist family solicitor to find out what your rights are - you don't need to make it come to a head - the last thing you need is another distressing violent incident . Being so unhappy as you have been for a while, and the way your husband has been treating you is a good enough reason to leave.

Carla - of course, CAT away!!

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hi, i've not been on here long, and just sat and read this post, one thing springs to mind... why the hell are you staying there?????

You have been given so much advice by other people who have BEEN THROUGH it.. what do they all say????? Get out....now! What are you still doing there??

Sorry if this seems blunt, and i dont know you at all, but i just don't know why you are staying there, to put yourself and your children through this unecessary crap, when you could leave him and be safe.. the children will get over a seperation far far quicker than the death of you by him... or far better than years of witnessing thrit father belittle you just because he thinks he is more important than you.

Hello Carla. I've been thinking about your situation and hope things are calmer now. I also know - from experience - that it doesn't matter what other people say about having to get out, not letting it go on, that you're not to put the children through it - but that you have to be ready to get out of that situation. To make it "come to a head or go away", you can press charges and/or leave him/kick him out. For that you need to feel strong.
Why don't you find out what your rights are first, call CAB or a solicitor - if you can't afford one and can't get legal aid or don't know if you can, try the local women's refuge, find out where you stand. Then move on from that basis, using your family and other helping agencies (and mumsnet!) as support. My mum stayed for fifteen years, and the damage that did to all of us is immeasurable.
He may never hurt your children, but my little sister stood in front of me to protect me on a regular basis, and can you imagine what that does to a child's view of the world?

Carla - it's just shocked me to read this post and find you saying a 'Lt Col's house'.....

I'm a Lt Col's wife (living in own house not on a patch) - can I help you at all? Whereabouts are you - are you on a patch?

Worried for you....

Take care,

BL

Carla, hope you are OK and that you and your beautiful DDs are safe.

Carla, I don't know you and I'm sorry to intrude, but please accept that one hit is one too many. I have seen your posts before and I always get the impression of a warm, funny woman. You don't need to worry about how to bring this to a head - he has done that. Please protect yourself and your children.

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There's only one description for people who resort to striking their spouse as a means to express their anger: LOSER. Sorry to be blunt, but if you were my daughter this sad excuse of a man would be wishing he had eyes on the back of his head. I had a man who was verbally abusive. He tried to make it my fault. My only fault wasn't leaving him for a whole two hours after he called me an 'ignorant bitch'. Come to find out, he had been physically abusive with past partners. It only took a few seconds till he got the hell out of my way so I could get my stuff. And he won't dare go into my home city, b/c my father wouldn't hesitate to kill him.

Hi CArla
Just seen this. Kid, you gotta get outta there.
You're so unhappy and now this.
It'll be the best thing you'll ever do. It may be hell leaving and incredibly scary but once it is done, can't you imagine how good you'll feel?

Make yourself, and your kids, happy - leave.
Take control and make your lives better.

TC xxxxxxxxxx

Carla, I can recommend an excellent Oxford solictor whom DH used when he went through his divorce. CAT me if you want details.

Hi Carla, Read your thread. It dosent sound like you are "ready" for him to leave yet. Its hard to explain anything on the internet, even mumsnet, and nobody knows your situation, except you and i am sure it would take days to really let "strangers" know what is going on. If you arent ready for him to leave, or you want time to let the dust settle you can get a non molestation order immediately. I am sure he police have talked to you about this.

Further if God forbid it ever happens again, and it dosent look like the police are going to arrest him then LIE, LIE big time to get him arrested. Its your life on the line.

Statistics from WomensAid state that women who suffer in silence from domestic violence are assaulted 17 times before they seek help. I am not saying that is you, that is just the statistics.

Hope you're OK today, Carla.

OldieMum, not got much time, but would love to CAT you.

Carla hon - are you OK?

I'll have to do it tomorrow. Is that OK?

OMG carla honey I have only just seen this. are you ok? really wish you had the yahoo going. have you got your MSN going instead? I am so worried about you. Shall I email you my phone number? you can sontact me ANYTIME. I mean that. Please take care. x x

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OldieMum, I'm not allowed to CAT you. Titania, yes, please do.

Hi Carla,

I wanted to add my support, for you and your children, am going to send you a CAT. Lippy xxx

Carla, I don't know why the CAT doesn't work, but I have sent a message to your NTL e-mail address. I hope it works.

THANK YOU so much. Just wanted to let you know, I let my Mum and my sister read this thread yesterday afternoon, and they were in awe of you loveliness. God, that sounds crap, but YKWIM.

I have been in touch with a solicitor, who sounded like he could be my future son in law. After OldieMum's recommendation I cancelled him (they didn't mind, btw) and found a solicitor who sounds more like a councellor, and I told her so.

Also spoke to GP yesterday, and told her I didn't know where to got next - you were all right! The solicitor. So .... I've done that now. Can't help feeling sad about everything, though.

LSM .. I would love to meet up with you. Do you know that feeling, though, when someone knows so much about you? I just keep feeling I'd love to meet up with you, but you might think 'Oh, she's the one I keep seeing in M&S. And it makes me feel a bit pathetically reticent.

But I'd love a chum.