Not sure where to start but I am a married mum of 2 gorgeous children. Things have not been ?right? for a while between my husband and I, lots of unspoken tension, sniping at each other, we speak but curtly, just a general feeling of unhappiness.
Things came to a head a couple of weeks ago when I brought up a subject and things were said from there, he said things haven?t been right between us for a long time (about 4 years), gradually over months getting worse, we live together but that?s basically it, we live together and look after the children, we do get evenings to sit down together but most times we either just watch tv (usually in silence) or one of us will potter about upstairs or in kitchen.
When we do sit together we have nothing to talk about, I feel he is not interested in anything I have to say and vice versa, sometimes his very presence irritates and annoys me. When he is not at home I am fine, when he comes home I am tense and irritable, not with the children, that?s part of the problem, keeping up the act and pretending everything is fine, its tiresome and draining and to be honest, I find it pointless.
It?s a lonely and miserable life, I would rather live on my own with the children and struggle than live like this. During our ?talk? he said we would have to sell the house and blah blah and I just keep thinking, no I don?t want to lose the house, I don?t want to affect the kids, so the easiest thing to do is carry on but I know we cant carry on this way. We are both in our early 30?s and I really don?t want to spend the rest of my life like this.
There are a number of factors which have led me to feel like this, he does things which I disagree with, which leads him to lie and hide things, he is secretive and deceitful, it has happened a number of times and the last time I told him in no uncertain terms (as anything I had said previously had fallen on deaf ears) that if it ever happened again (not an affair) he would have to leave, cos I felt he was taking the piss, I told him the way he was behaving was making me feel less for him. I felt he had no respect for me to keep doing what he was doing and on top of that, to keep lying to me about it, to me that shows little or no respect, he must think im thick to think he can hide stuff and I wouldn?t find out.
I have since found out he has done this thing again and lied about it AGAIN and then told MORE lies to try and cover up the fact he is lying and it was like someone turning off a light inside me, I just felt sad, previous times I have felt a mixture of anger, sadness, hurt, never knowing whether to scream or cry. There is no affection or intimacy between us, hasn?t been for a long time, although we get along fine, we don?t argue as such, no raised voices or anything.
My question is this, if we have lived like this for 4 years, what happens next, do we carry on living like this or do we do something about it, I tried to say to him during our talk that I felt we should not live together and see if it helped, some time and space apart might help us see how to make things better, to see if we can make them work, I don?t feel I can do anything to fix things while are are still living this way, things are not going to change while we continue this way.
Realistically I have nowhere to go, I wouldn't go on my own, my two children would have to come with me for childcare reasons which I don't think my parents would welcome, I wouldn?t know where else to go ? I have considered an easier option would be for him to move out for a while but I doubt he would relish that prospect either, I dont even feel I can suggest or approach that option. I dont know what to do but we really cant carry on like this, im not going to let this be brushed under the carpet now we have finally started to talk about it. HELP!!!