How do all you SAHMs make yourselves interesting and sexy for DH?

[lostinmotherhood]

Age old question and an age old problem I suspect but I am struggling ALOT with my self esteem at the moment.

I have a 10 week old and a 2 yr old I have at least 2 stone to lose.

I have joined a gym and weight watchers but I am terrified that DH will no longer find me attractive - what with no make up / constant conversations about potty training etc / and my stretchmarks and flabby skin.

DH has said recently that he is finding life mundane and I quite agree with him -we don't go out as much as we used to we just can't and I am very scared that one day he will take off with a sexier more interesting version of me.

He works with some very attractive ladies + I feel like a frump.

he doesn't really have to try because I love him to bits and always will.

but it is entirely possible that he feels the same!

I have been married nearly twenty years, my husband is 7 years younger than me and a fitness freak. I have three children and an arse that touches the back of my knees. Yet whilst it is staggering to me he still finds me very sexy. All my insecurity is in my head.
I suspect you may find the same.

Talk to him. make plans for suppers, days out and trips away.
We had that too, especially when DS2 developed sn - you can become so fixed on your children. But just find stuff to do. When DS2 was really struggling we just made sure we went somewhere for a nice walk at the weekend - a chance for the kids to find sticks and for us to have a chat.
Sometimes that is all you need

It says good things about your partnership
that he can share his honest feelings with you!

Tell him that you can see his point and
then have a chat about all the non-mundane shenanigans you both fancy.

Pick the ones that are feasible now and enjoy!
Reassure him - and yourself - that everything else
will become feasible soon.
Delayed gratification is a beautiful thing, I tell ya!

Sorry but the post title made me giggle. So glad I am a WOHM so I don't have to bother being interesting or sexy

mundane as in - no spontaneity / not much spare cash / lots of responsibilities - you know all the usually grown up stuff.

He struggles with the baby stage I know he does and for some reason I have taken his comment and done the 100 metre sprint with it .... I am now telling myself that unless I make life fantastic/flirty and fun then he will scarper.

PSML Pagwatch, blimey girl you have done well

rookiemater never though of it like that

at Vino

ahh - I just get him really fdunk everynow and again and when he sobers up I tell him how great I was

"How do all you SAHMs make yourselves interesting and sexy for DH? "

Wow, it just didn't occur to me that I should! Does anyone? Interesting seems even harder than sexy right now!

life can be very mundane when you have a young baby-think that's just the way it is really
not sure it's reasonable to expect otherwise at this stage!
it's a shame you feel so insecure-I'd talk to him about this "mundanity", tell him how you feel

not sure you should feel responsible for making life fantastic and flirty at this stage? shouldn't he make an effort to make you feel good too?

tbh I think that no matter what he said or did I would still feel lousy.

I am a bit worried because I seem to have convinced myself that when I get my figure back things will be fine ... that worries me a bit.

He is a great dad and an honest loving DH
I think I just feel very vunerable at the moment (hormones maybe) and his mundane comment has sent me into a neurotic freefall.

Anyway will try to proffer sensible answer.

Men are easy creatures to please. Buy some dubious taste underwear in crowd pleasing colours and surprise hubby in front of TV/computer game in it. Repeat randomly on a monthly basis( or more frequently if you can be bothered) until hubby finds life less mundane.

Lost, my dh has been making similar comments recently and from talking to him i know as usual I've taken things too personally and have gone defensive.

Lots of good advice here. God, if we had babysitters I would jump at the chance!

Take it easy on yourself, things do get back to normal or even better.

Pagwatch your arse description very funny, have to use that one myself.

talk to him-tell him you feel
it's down to both of you to make life less mundane, if possible

don't bottle it up and feel miserable

I'm with LizzyLou. Ours are 1 & 3 and we still struggle to find time and energy to do "couple" stuff (by which I don't just mean sh*gging, but evenings out, even just chatting with a bottle of wine). Most of our exchanges revolve around where Little Ted was last seen / when X did his last poo / what's for dinner.

I'm amazed that with a LO of 10wks you can see through the fog of sleepless nights and post-partum discomfort enough to worry about whether you are being sufficiently sexy for your DH. I am sure he is impressed and awed by your ability to produce gorgeous children, and the love you are able to give them. If he is a decent bloke (and he sounds like he is from what you say), he will appreciate the fact that you are tired and preoccupied at the moment and that this is necessary for the time being. Your marriage is for the long term, and in time you will have a bit more time and energy for each other.

If your parents are nearby, I would take advantage of free babysitting to go out for an evening walk together, or a drink (it doesn't have to be an expensive evening out), and try to get an early night together now and then.

Agree with Rev. Also, do things separatey too. Find when we've both had days off the daily grind and done something alone or with friends that we have more to talk about and have given each other space.

Have you tried doing something like jsut doing your nails/ feet? Did mine and i feel ever so slightly more attractive.

rofl at mad exotic passion queen

i now have a very strange image of a wide eyed deranged woman grinning wildly wearing some questionable under crackers !!!!!!

Absolutely second Pag.
Am very lucky that dh sees my droopy boobs, and stretchmarked wobbly belly and not-so-neat double C-section scar as the sacrifice I have made for our lovely family. (Of course, I accept the fact that he has no hair left, is skinny as heck and has grey pubes as his sacrifice.)
Take care of your appearance for YOU. Try not to construe 'mundane' into 'fat,wobbly etc'.
Both accept that you can't transform from Mummy to Emmanuelle four nights a week every week. And, hopefully that's not the crux of the matter - it shouldn't be. If lucky, you can have a grown up conversation with the telly off and a cup of proper coffee (or wine!) twice a week. And a 10 o'clock special once in the week (that's what we jokingly call it, it lasts about 7.5mins then we have a cup of tea and go to bed).
If lucky you can have a couple of hours to go for a nice lunch, or a long walk, or a sandwich in the car once a week. And possibly sex in bed.
If really lucky, you can transform into Emmanuelle once a month (usually the Saturday after my period). I'm giving no details on that.
But communication is really the key. Why don't you just give a big sigh in the middle of news at ten tonight and when asked 'what's that for' say, just as you told us, 'I'm frightened you no longer find me attractive and I really want us to be happy and it's been on my mind a bit'.

First of all stop moaning to him about your flabby tummy and joining weightwatchers.

And yes, wear a nice negligee and front it out.

I'm a fatty and I never bitch about how I look, instead I encourage him by talking about how gorgeous I am and fluttering my eyelids at him sexily

As a result of this he does not notice any of the less attractive bits - I find that to most men if you sashay and have sex with confidence they are utterly seduced.

Wine.

Although I think its abit of a myth that if you go out to work you are automatically more interesting. Granted some jobs are terribly exciting (private detective or something) but most are pretty dull. Can there be a more boring topic than the office politics in someone elses office? Can there be anything more interesting that the minutiae (sp) of what your precious baby has done that day?

In our house DH is desperate to hear about every little detail of our tiny dds as he feels he is missing out. I try and talk to him about his job but we both quickly conclude its pretty boring and turn back to dd2's bowel movements and whether dd1 needs to wear trousers rather than skirts when its cold. Mundane yes but we love it!

Ah well my patented method of trashy lingerie and making advances is I believe successful for both those at work and at home.

I, ahem "surprised" Dh on Saturday night and he spent most of Sunday doing housework ( most unusual for him) in a state of dazed stupefaction. I shall certainly be repeating the exercise.

You lucky girl, your parents down the road. I'm sure they'd love to help you out and babysit. Mine are thousands of miles away. There's no real reason why they shouldn't bond and play with your dc, no? So go for it!!

I'm at home at the mom, 12 wks old babe and I have enlisted the help of a cleaner to see me through the week. I prepare all food in the morning when baby is asleep, you could have your 2 yr old watch or cheat and buy ready made, dress up as yours, no one's gonna die from it for 2-3 years

I find even without make-up the following things help to look groomed and sexy (not sexy as in that red-blue tanga thing, but desirable): have your eyebrows done once (threading) and then re-do them yourself every few days, whatever necessary. No spots, etc should be seen, cover up, get a facial and benzoid cream 5%. Shower & do your hair, don't go for high maintenance colours and opt for an easy cut that won't take much time to maintain. Make sure your nails are glossy, feet and hands smooth. Buy a good scrub and lather up, put oil on your cuticles and a facemask on while you're cooking, showering, etc. You get the idea, rather than one big almighty overhaul, do bits every day, everyone has 5-10mins.

When the kids are with your parents make a nice dinner/lunch and just be you. He married you once, right? Don't get all worried and eaten up by it, you are lovely and beautiful as you are. Do the beauty stuff to make you feel better & look groomed, then work on letting your parents babysit. Use that free time to reconnect.

Mundane, what is mundane?? Jeez, tell him to get a grip, he's not 17 where the biggest excitement is going round a friend's and getting blind drunk. He's a man with responsibilities. To get him out of that state do plan something, 1 thing every week, with or without the kids to give you something to make new memories together, to talk about new stuff.

thanks everybody

just given house a quick blitz, he is home a bit later tonight so I am going to slip into something a 'little more comfortable' and cook a lovely dinner.

mealtimes are usually fraught occassions so maybe once a week like you all suggest we can eat after the dcs are in bed and we can have a nice relaxed meal together.

perhaps i will send him a suggestive text later ... god he will be shocked .... I have never done that before

.....hmmmmm what to write