this happened last night, how would you feel/what would you do?

[supervixen]

I left boyfriend at home with dd and I finished work at midnight, I arrive home at about half 12 and he has left is key in the door locking me out. I try phoning for half an hour and banging on doors, yelling, throwing stones at the window - nothing he wont wake up. No friends are awake, Im stuck outside freezing!

So I called the police and they said they could break a window for me, they eventually come at gone 1am, and we first try banging on doors then we try throwing pennies at the windows. this works and I get in, the first thing i do is yell at him, then he ignores me and goes to bed. this morning after working till midnight etc I have to get up he doesnt offer, he then sleeps till 12 says a pitiful sorry then goes out.Ive been really ill lately and ive still gone to work had to tidy the house, he doesnt tidy up really. not only that he was supposed to be in charge of my dd and what if something had happened, would he have woken up? I dont trust him to look after her now.

Im really mad, sorry this was longer than i thought!

If this happened to me I would be absolutely livid. The not getting up this morning part and the pathetic sorry is the worst bit - he can't help being a heavy sleeper (unless he was very pissed).

Does he have a stake in the house? (ie on the rent / mortgage?)

If not, he'd be gone...

But he locked her out - he COULD have taken the key out so she could get in!

i have done that to DH before now - a complete accident!! (the leaving the key in the lock thing)

Is he normally a bit lazy and forgetful? IE do you think the key was left in the door because he genuinely forgot about it, or might it have been a bit of passive-agression ie he doesn;t think you should be working on a Saturday night but should be at home doing childcare while he goes out.

Does he contribute to the household in other ways ie is he earning? Does he take care of DD sometimes? Is he amusing company and a good lay?
If not, you might have got yourself a cocklodger there and need to think about getting rid.

he is lazy yeah, he went to bed at about 9pm as I texted him from work and got o reply, i think he had been drinking too. i feel stupid for leaving him in charge of my dd, he has looked after her before, but stayed up till i got back.

he pays the rent, im sick of him though. thats the only good thing he does is pay the rent. he left the key in by accident, twat.

Sorry, not clear - is he DD's father? If not, where is DD's father and is he paying you anything? Because there's no point in keeping a lazy pisshead around the house if the only thinkg he does is pay the rent: find out about housing benefit, etc, work out a budget and dump the loser.

maybe he was embarrassed...calling him a twat is a bit ott though imo.

I think if you feel this way about him he needs to go.
There's not much love lost really by the sound of it!

Would it be complicated to ask him to leave? Or would you be able to leave?

whitenoise - calling him a twat is a bit ott? not at 1am its not when you are freezing. leaving the key in the lock is an accident not waking up when your phone is by your head and im banging the door down is a twat.

no hes not dd's dad, and her dad doesnt pay me anything...

I came off benefits so he could move in, just worried about having to pay the rent while the benefits come through again. yes it was a mistake

he was ASLEEP what was he supposed to do?

end of the day, you don't trust him with your DD now so either need to get a sitter for when you work or you need to change jobs

Poor you, in these temperatures. Jeez, it's like in frickin Siberia.

Also worrying is the fact that he was supposed to look after your dd. I wouldn't trust him at all.

As others said, tell him to cocklodge somewhere else.

my dh accidentally locked me out the same way after a night duty.
I can empathise..waiting around at 8am for ages until he answered his phone...I was furious.
He's never done it again though.

Sounds like there is more to this than the locking out though.

he was asleep, he should wake up, if a smoke alarm goes off if your phone rings, you WAKE up, not sleep in a drunken slumber while youre supposed to be watching a child. maybe thats acceptable for you, but not me.

snoopy and ggirl - yes there is more to it, I just dont trust him to look after my dd now. and i dont know what to do about work.

I was wondering what others thought about it, if it was your partner, would trust him to watch your child...?

well if the smoke alarm had gone off, his key was in the right place. If he'd locked the door and taken the key out he and your daughter would have been locked into the house if there had been a fire.

You should probably think about getting safer locks on your doors.

Being able to sleep through a phone ringing doesn't make you a bad person.

supervixen,

I have to ask what, if anything, you are getting out of this relationship. Why hasn't he gone before now?. Why is he still there?.

You have have written about him before haven't you?. He is the 35 year old man (who had never lived on his own or with anyone prior to yourself) whom you had doubts about moving in with you originally. I think you have carried on where his mother had left off. Think you had a whole barrage of comments to the effect last time that he should go; he is just cocklodging with you. I have to ask why he is still there even now?.

He's no role model for your DD either is he?.

Think you need to face facts here rather than just bury your head in the sand. Better to be alone than to be badly accompanied.

he wouldnt hear a smoke alarm, he doesnt hear anything. the doors are safe, they are upvc? when the key is in the lock from the inside you cant get your key in on the outside.

yes attila, thats me. i dont mind being alone anymore, just trying to work out how to tell him to go and to find some money for the rent.

Thought so.

You and your DD deserve a lot more than what he could ever offer you. You do realise this don't you?.

Does this man have a svengali type influence over you or something; is this why you haven't been able to tell him to leave before now?.

Have you sought financial advice from CAB?. There is always a way out.

No door is safe if it is locked with a key and the key is taken out.

Do you think he should have left the door unlocked or locked himself and your DD into the house?

uPVC doors are very dangerous because they encourage unsafe behaviour of people being locked into houses. If there is a fire you are basically fucked.

This guy might be a right git, I have no idea. But he was right to leave the key in the door and presumably he didn't deliberately not wake up, so unless he was passed out drunk he didn't do anything wrong on this occasion.

You were just inconvenienced by having crap (not to mention extremely ugly) doors.

skidoodle - how am i supposed to get in if he doesnt take the key out? im not following you. he has a set of keys, he can leave them on the side if he needs them. how is he locked in the house? he also has the front door he can get out of, but he bolted that so i couldnt get in that one either (thats a wooden door) I do need to get in somehow after all.

Thanks attila, I do struggle with that concept of loving myself haha. I dont know what influence he has over me :/

Im kind of sick of discussing door locks, that wasnt really what my post was about ;)