Legally can I change the locks?

[Quadrophenia]

Need to do something, xp name on mortagge can i change them?

What mumoverseas says sounds very sensible. Also, if you never report this stuff to someone and he tries to get custody or pull some other stunt later, it will be harder for you to protect your kids. I think you need to do thsi for them as well as for you, bloody hard though it no doubt is. so sorry you are going through this.

he can't cope with the children, he won't fight for them.There is stuff on record from before, i just don't have the energy

Yes is natural to feel like that. I know. It's horrible.

But once you have them on your side it will get much easier. Local womens aid group will help you too. It's a hurdle but you're strong enough to admit it I think - things have fallen apart already. And it wasn't your fault.

cross-posts with everyone esle! sounds like yoo eed a friend or family member to be with you, help you to do what you need to do. Is there someone?

I agree with those who say report even if it doesn't go any further, then it will at least be on record.

You know where I am (well sort of - well you know what I mean). If you want to come over for a coffee/chat/cry/whatever I'm just on the end of the phone (well facebook as my mobile is broken)

Please call the police Quad, and they will help make you and the kids safer- it won't get any better unless you nip this in the bud now.

I think you need to ring womensaid and get someone on your case now. They know that you will be feeling weak and scared and like it's not worth the effort.
That's normal.
It will pass and then you'll be so glad you did the right thing x

am going to gp tomorrow, i know I need some help
have accessed rl help for the first time over this, which is a massive step for me
thought maybe i could change the locks and if he kicks up tell him I'll have him charged with assault i know its low and a form of bribery.

you know what Quad - you're lucky I don't drive.....otherwise my children would be bundles into the car and I'd already be at yours before you could stop me.

I have friend coming in a bit to take the kids, i just want to go to bed

lol FAQ, thanks

You must do whatever you need to to protect yourself.
Just not sure of legal implications, I think if you ring local police station they will have dv person who can tell you what to do. Then whatever you do isn';t your fault and he can't have you for it later - they might tell you to change locks, they might say don't. But you need them on your case, otherwise it's all down to you and you might cock it up and end up worse off! iyswim I mean it might be illegal or something.

I might ring womens aid, I don't want anything to stop him seeing his children, that concerns me alot, he is a good dad, they love him

Quad, Please please do ring womens aid. They will be able to support you and advise you.

A good Dad? If he punches and pushes their mummy? Quad!!! Please call the police. God knows what else he'll do when you guys split and something doesn't please him.

If he's physically violent to you then sooner or later he will be violent towards the children. Because in his mind you and the DC are his property and can be punched and pushed and screamed at if you don't do what you're told or 'show respect'.

Quad it's VERY unlikely anyone would stop him seeing his children even if you wanted them to, tbh.

You can expect professionals who deal with these types of situations to distinguish strongly between how a man treats his partner and how he treats his children.

In other words you should get to keep all the good bits x

If he won't fight for them - it's not a great loss.

Kids don't need abusers in their families, IMO - even if he doesn't abuse them first hand, they're suffering because he abuses you.

PLEASE call WA - 0808 2000 247 and 999 if he comes back again.

You are a strong and independant woman on here, I think - you can do it.

It will be scary and tough and frightening, but what's more frightening - starting the beginning of the end, or waiting to find out if you're knocked out next time?

You CAN do it Quad. We all know you can.

If you are changing the locks because you are frightened of violence, then personally, I would change the locks.

But also would report your fear to the police, or at least get the incident reported to a solcitor.

The security of you and your children is the most important thing, and any lawyer will tell you that personal safety trumps anything else....

today I just need to get through, he has sent me two text messages, he is supposed to be looking after the children, I am supposed to be at work, obviously i'm not and he isn't
His messages say that he is really sorry, he wants to sort himself out for the kids sake, you know the usual. I replied saying hewas lucky he hadn't been arrested and that I am changing the locks tomorrow. He replied that he understood, but not to waste my money he would give me the keys back and 'not bother me anymore'.

I would still get them changed Quad - absolutely nothing having stopped him getting a copy cut and still having them.

Hope you're feeling better after some sleep?

I will, but at least he is aware thats its something I'm going to do. I think he is a broken man, I know I'm not responsible for that, i still feel very, very sad though.
I feel less tired after my sleep not sure about anything else tbh, thanks xxxx

Change the locks anyway. If he is as abusive and manipulative as he sounds, he will get the keys copied, give them back and then think he can get in and attack you whenever the mood takes him.
I do understand that it's miserable to think this way about someone you once loved, but he has forfeited the right to sympathy. If he wants to sort himself out and make it up to you, he can do it from a safe distance and slowly.

Darling you wouldn't treat him like this and expect him to put up with it. I am glad he has apologised but you need to start thinking solely for yourself and the kids.

He can sort himself out, he's a big boy now.