I'm going to deconstruct one of my past loves.
I've never done this before but I have a feeling it might be interesting.
Fantasy: (F) we fell in love straight away, within a few days.
Reality: (R) I was at a point where I was ready to act out a big fantasy, and he came along. He didn't fall straight away, he took a few weeks to realise I fancied him and then decided to take advantage of it.
F: He loves and understands me better than anyone else.
R: He was in love with me, wanted to have sex with me, but didn't actually understand me very well at all, and repeatedly said so. I chose to ignore this.
F: He doesn't really want to be with his partner any more, or he would not be seeing me.
R: He did really want to be with his partner and said so often - and remained with her. He was seeing me as a pasisve aggressive response to his unhappiness in their relationship, which ought to and could have been resolved between them, if he had not been a complete emotional coward.
F: He is lying to her to protect our relationship.
R: If he had wanted to protect our relationship he would have told her the truth and been with me - and done anything to be with me. He was protecting their relationship by lying.
F: I love him more than life itself and will do anything for him or to be with him.
R: I would have done anything to be with him - well almost - but only on the proviso that he also dedicated himself to me, eventually - I was storing up credit for our future together - I was very angry by the time he left me and went 'bankrupt' - thus avoiding repaying my devotion.
F: I am happy because I am with him, every moment we share makes me happy.
R: And the majority of moments were not shared, and thus I was unhappy for the majority of the time.
F: I will die if he leaves and I will be destroyed.
R: Yes it bloody hurt, and I took a few years to recover. But I am still alive and am better off (and less angry/frustrated) without him.
F: His new wife must be so lucky and understand him better than I did, which makes me miserable.
R: His reasons for marrying her were likely to be as disingenuous and self serving as those for being with his previous partners. She probably either puts up with a lot of bullshit, or is of the same mind as him, ie emotionally cowardly, a liar, and prefers to avoid the truth because it is frightening.
F: I loved everything about him.
R: I put my own needs and feelings second, in order to convince myself that I loved everything about him. That made me very angry.
I don't know if this is any use to anyone but it has helped me...