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Original poster

Two in five marriages end in divorce, apparently - so does this correlate with your RL experience?

49 replies

HelenBurns · 09/01/2009 13:46

I was just wondering because although I'm aware the rate is high, I don't know many people who are in fact divorcing or have done so.

Most of my friends are married and seem to be staying that way at the moment. Is it possibly to do with the fact that they have young children - I mean, is it more likely marriages will break down once the children are older?

I'm not sure why I am interested really. i suppose I'd loke to see some hope that things are changing and people are staying together more.

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FAQtothefuture · 09/01/2009 13:50

I think that's probably about right for the people I know.

My BF was divorced years and years ago, but is now married agai (has been for 11yrs). Her children were very young when she divorced. another close friend is divorced a couple of years ago. But her children were older (youngest was 13 when they separated, 15 when they divorced).

I separated from my exH last march with 3 young children. Not yet divorced but we have discussed getting the process underway once I've moved.

elfsmum · 09/01/2009 13:52

three of us got married around the same time, the other two couples are divorced.

one without children, the other with youngest was 5

Bink · 09/01/2009 13:53

I think this is one of those things that correlate with your own social circle - eg doesn't everyone have a bout of a few years of constant weddings at the end of which just about all the friends in the set are married? - but that bout comes at different ages for different groups? - so eg my youngest brother, and all his friends, got married about 3 years out of university; while dh & me, and all our friends, were early-30s weddings.

Anyway, my theory is: the same goes for divorce experiences ... certain sets of friends will be bushfired by it, others just won't.

beanieb · 09/01/2009 13:54

OUt of my close school friends 3 out of 4 of us had divorced parents.

Tillyscoutsmum · 09/01/2009 13:54

Sounds about right... Six of us from work got married in the same year and only two of them are still together (and one of them have split and got back together after her dh's affair)

Both my parents and dh's parents are divorced and we're both on our second marriages

BlameItOnTheBogey · 09/01/2009 13:55

I heard that the average time to get divorced is 9 years after you got married. I don't know many friends who have yet been married that long. Of my friend set, one couple is now divorcing.

MadamAnt · 09/01/2009 13:55

Yah, two of my five marriages have ended in divorce. But on the bright side, three of my husbands are still hanging in there!

Original poster
HelenBurns · 09/01/2009 13:55

Thanks FAQ. I probably just don't know enough people for a random sample! Or they might all start to get divorced next week.

I suppose what I'm worried about is that if the rate is so high, and so many decent people can find themselves unhappy enough to split - what hope do I have of a long relationship or marriage, when I don't even have a bloke at the moment?

It just looks so hard from the outside, and I was clinging to a hope that maybe the statistics were wrong and actually it's dead easy to find a partner and stick with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
HelenBurns · 09/01/2009 13:55

Lol Madamant

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FAQtothefuture · 09/01/2009 13:56

I do know lots of people that have been married for years and years, and can't see them splitting up. My BF is remarried is very happy, yes they have their ups and downs, but I really can't see them splitting up.

bigTillyMint · 09/01/2009 13:58

No - luckily very few of my friends have separated / divorced.

Do you think it's related to how old you were when you met your DH? We and many friends didn't meet / marry till we were in our 30's.

Original poster
HelenBurns · 09/01/2009 13:58

If it's 9 years after getting married then maybe it's yet to hit, as it were. Most of my friends have been married about 5 years I suppose, though some have been together far longer.

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DumbledoresGirl · 09/01/2009 14:00

Well, if I think about myself and my four closest school friends, 2 are married (me included), 2 have separated/divorced in the last couple of years and one is a lesbian in a long distance relationship. So that is not a million miles from 2 in 5 marriages breaking down.

FWIW, my 2 friends whose marriages have broken down both got married a few years before me and I have been married 14 years so it would seem from my experience that the breakdown happens when the children are older.

numptysmummy · 09/01/2009 14:04

Out of 11 couples we were good friends with only myself/dh and another couple are still married. Vv sad as complete friendships have ended because of one party or another feling awkward bout side taking etc.

bigTillyMint · 09/01/2009 14:05

Oh dear - that's not good to look forward to

Tillyscoutsmum · 09/01/2009 14:05

I think a lot of marriage breakdowns happen either in the first couple of years of marriage (when expectations aren't met) or when the the dc's are older/leaving home and the couple realise they have nothing in common anymore

Original poster
HelenBurns · 09/01/2009 14:06

Thanks DG

I have lost touch with many people from school but a good few of them aren't yet married. Being careful I guess..!

I am liking your style on the hand washing thread btw. I read the enitre post going 'I do that too...and that...and that...'

(am fa btw)

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Original poster
HelenBurns · 09/01/2009 14:08

Numptys - did you foresee those break ups at all? I can't see my best friend ever splitting with her husband, there are some couples you just feel are solid...although maybe I'm wrong.

I wish it was not like this - I wish marriage was something that worked for everyone who got that far.

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DumbledoresGirl · 09/01/2009 14:09

What are you doing with this new name then? You were the one on the thread yesterday who boasted you never changed your name!

Please put me right on this but was Helen Burns Jane Eyre's friend at school? It has been bugging me.

herbietea · 09/01/2009 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

numptysmummy · 09/01/2009 14:10

Sadly most of them were always going to happen. Easy to see peoples problems from the outside though.

Katerina75 · 09/01/2009 14:14

Sounds about right ime but all the couples who have broken up so far were childless (in fact I think that contributed to one of the breakups ). Two I could have predicted, one was a huge shock.

Original poster
HelenBurns · 09/01/2009 14:15

That's sad NM

DG - yes tis my Lowood guise. I have been feeling the 'cradle of fog and fog-bred pestilence' thing at the moment.

rather good, non?

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Original poster
HelenBurns · 09/01/2009 14:17

As in we are just ill all the time!

Katerina, how sad.

I do wonder if getting married later is likely to be more successful than doing it when still very young.

Or if there is any way to tell if it's the right thing. I almost wish there were still arranged marriages, not as in forcing you to marry someone but as in your family choosing someone suitable, and then you see if you like them.

My family have never been too keen on my boyfriends, and they have been right mostly.

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numptysmummy · 09/01/2009 14:18

Kids involved in every single case. Begining to think i should move away

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