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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Text from Hubby "I love and miss you too much to bear"

53 replies

StirlingTheStrong · 08/01/2009 15:47

Sweet isn't it?

Would have been lovely if it was to me, his DW.

But it isn't. It is to his tart!!

Have asked for a long overdue separation.

He is still telling me he loves me and doesn't want a separation!! Don't understand why!?

He wont need to bear missing the tart then, will he??

Have to sort dc out now - will return later...

OP posts:
Pinkjenny · 08/01/2009 15:52

How do you know it was meant for her? Have you known about the OW for a while?

mumoverseas · 08/01/2009 15:53

oh how horrible, so sorry to read this stirling.
Sounds like you are being very strong right now, well done for that.
Have you thought about counselling/mediation or has it gone too far for that? I'm sure you'll get lots of practical support and advice on here. Good luck x

BennyAndJoon · 08/01/2009 15:54

Did you find it in the outbox on his phone

so sorry

beanieb · 08/01/2009 15:55

was it sent to you by accident?

lessonlearned · 08/01/2009 16:36

He has cooked his goose to a crisp now!!!

NAB3lovelychildren · 08/01/2009 16:38

OMG. How on earth did you find it?

Are you okay?

givethedogAhomebirth · 08/01/2009 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tillyscoutsmum · 08/01/2009 16:40

Sorry - are you the one who found out about the affair a while ago and agreed to give things another go (Stirlingmum ?) ?

What an utter bastard .

So sorry

ambercat · 08/01/2009 16:41

So sorry Stirling. from what i remember from your previous threads he has had many chances. Think seperation is the way to go, will give him a kick up the arse and maybe make him realise what he is throwing away.
for you and for him, fool.

georgiemum · 08/01/2009 16:43

I would text back the following.

'how lovely to have your sweet words. Be assured that the minute you come through the door tonight, I will be waiting for you in the bedroom, wearing noting but a baseball bat to smash your rotten, cheating skull in with.'

that should do it.

I am so sorry for you. He obviously isn't taking your relationship seriously.

MadameCastafiore · 08/01/2009 16:45

Just forwrd it back to him with 'think you sent this to me by mistake' added!

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 08/01/2009 16:46

What a way to find out, mobile phones can be so awful.

If he really does love you, is he prepared to give her up once and for all to give your relationship a fighting chance?

Good luck - whatever happens. Its easy to say he's a shit, but I can understand how very difficult it might be to give up on everything you have built together, whatever he has done.

TheCrackFox · 08/01/2009 16:48

I think it might be time for separation now. You have given him so many chances and he keeps f**king it all up.

Original poster
StirlingTheStrong · 08/01/2009 18:34

Thanks everyone.

No, not sent to me by accident. I found it as a sent text to her phone. I have known about her for 14 months now, but he keeps telling me it is over and she is harrassing him!!

Doesn't sound that way to me!

Yes, I am Stirlingmum Tilly

I was going to change my name to StirlingtheStupid as I feel stupid giving him so many chances, but when dc are involved you want to just make sure you have done all you can.

But I am strong now because I have made the decision. And I will stay reasonable. He can stay in the house but he had better not come near me

OP posts:
anothermum92 · 08/01/2009 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
StirlingTheStrong · 08/01/2009 18:44

Thanks AM92

Hope you are doing well.

Thanks to everyone - I feel better now

OP posts:
solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 08/01/2009 18:46

He clearly has no intention of maintaining a monogamous relationship with you. Once you understand that then you can decide whether you want to separate or accept that he has other women - this is a decision only you can make.

Original poster
StirlingTheStrong · 09/01/2009 10:00

Been to talk to dc's Headmistress today to warn her that they will be told their parents are separating this weekend. Not sure how they will take it - dont suppose h cares too much.

Got to h's phone before he did this morning and ow had texted "I love you" to him - just deleted it. Bloody cow.

OP posts:
georgiemum · 09/01/2009 11:26

How did you NOT text her back 'he's all yours, you bitch'

BitOfFun · 09/01/2009 11:33

Sorry if I'm not up to speed, but you are letting him stay in the house? I don't understand, would it not be better to tell him to leave?

TimeForMe · 09/01/2009 12:58

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you Stirling and I think you are doing exactly the right thing. I have followed your posts and I have almost felt your heartbreak. It's time to think about yourself now, in turn you will find that your children blossom. A happy mummy equals happy children. Wishing you lots of luck and strength xx

Dior · 09/01/2009 13:03

Stirling .

foothesnoo · 09/01/2009 13:08

Stirling, hi it's Iris.

Have logged on this am after a bit of a break and am so sorry to hear this. For what it's worth I think you can be proud of yourself knowing that you have given your relationship every chance, for you and your kids. You HAVE been strong and I know you will continue to be. I hope you feel good to have finally made the decision - start calling the shots now and make sure you get what you need.

lots of love and luck - 2009 will test you but am sure you'll end it knowing you did the right thing.

CountessDracula · 09/01/2009 13:09

God I would have texted back something like

Have decided I don't love you and btw you have a bucket fanny

Buda · 09/01/2009 13:10

Am so sorry to hear this Stirling. What an idiot he is.