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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Text from Hubby "I love and miss you too much to bear"

53 replies

StirlingTheStrong · 08/01/2009 15:47

Sweet isn't it?

Would have been lovely if it was to me, his DW.

But it isn't. It is to his tart!!

Have asked for a long overdue separation.

He is still telling me he loves me and doesn't want a separation!! Don't understand why!?

He wont need to bear missing the tart then, will he??

Have to sort dc out now - will return later...

OP posts:

Dior · 09/01/2009 13:10

Fimbo · 09/01/2009 13:12

That's terrible Stirling.

You sound strong, hope you are ok

YeahBut · 09/01/2009 13:13

Good luck to you. Am glad you seem positive about the way forward.

Original poster

StirlingTheStrong · 10/01/2009 14:51

OMG Countess I wish I had thought of that at the time - I hope you realise that you have just made me burst out laughing in a quiet library!!

You should see the raised eyebrows!!

Bitoffun Yes he is still in the house. I am afraid I am putting the dc first and they would be so upset if their daddy wan't here. Also, we are far away from family or any help so it is actually good for me if he stays because it gives me help with the dc.

And, as others know, his tart is in Budapest and he doesn't fancy living that far from the dc, otherwise I am sure he would be with her now.

Hi Iris Hope you are well and your situation has improved.

Thanks all - It really does help talking it through here and getting your input. I feel better and even stronger [lion emocion)

OP posts:

abikay · 10/01/2009 15:33

OMG it is so strange but my partner has also been 'seeing' someone from Budapest behind my back, untill I found texts on his phone. Have told him to get out asap as this is not the first time. The text she sent was asking him for money so she could come over to London with a sort of 'by the way I love you added in', what an idiot! I suppose he feels big in trying to help out a 23 yr old hungarian prostitute (she actually is one, and the reason I know all of this is a long story) He is at work now but told him has to be out by monday but am so worried about my children. I am doing a dissertation at the moment (some of you may have seen my other posts) and everything is getting really hard. Was not going to message this on here but really can understand what Stirling is going through considering the similarities in our situation. Stirling you sound really strong and I hope I can stay as strong as you, if you ever want to talk just message me x

prettyfly1 · 10/01/2009 15:38

hi stirling - so sorry for what your going through . something you just said tho worried me a bit - he isnt leaving the house because of how upset the children would be? If you are seperating surely that has to happen eventually. I have some experience of this and my concern would be (not sure how old your children are) that if you tell them you are seperating and he stays in the house they will either not accept it or understand or they will hope you can reconcile. Surely if you are ending your relationship its better for him to go, and let them get used to it. I know it sounds cruel but if it really is over then you have to do it now - not drag it out and leave the children with mixed messages or false hope. Sorry to be so brutal with what you are going through - i really do sympathise and fwiw i think you have handled yourself with so much dignity and pride.

cariboo · 10/01/2009 15:39

Countess - brill!

My 1st thought was, "if my dh texted that, I'd think something was very wrong"...

I'm glad you're feeling strong, STS. And so you should, silly twit needs a swift kick, imo.

dsrplus8 · 10/01/2009 15:49

if OW text again reply "sorry i dont love you, just using you for sex"- worked a treat with someone i know.

BitOfFun · 10/01/2009 17:32

I'm probably going to Budapest in March- do let me know if you want any dog poo through her letterbox

Awkward situation with him having to stay, I agree. I hope you can work something out x

AbricotsSecs · 11/01/2009 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

StirlingTheStrong · 12/01/2009 09:35

Thanks so much Hoochie You have made me smile.

Isn't it nice that we can come here and then feel better about ourselves afterwards.

If we do separate I have a clean conscience. I know I have really tried and actually bent over backwards.

Some people just cant be helped. He will regret this one day.

OP posts:

Craggy · 12/01/2009 09:40

Stirling I have read your posts before. You have posted on threads of mine. I had no idea you were still going through this.

CD -

Stirling Do you have her number?

AbricotsSecs · 12/01/2009 13:17

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Aitch · 12/01/2009 13:21

lol at georgimama and cd's responses.

stirling, youve done the right thing in trying to save your marriage, no question about it. it's a crying shame that it hasn't worked out, but you will know in your heart that you gave it your best shot. he won't.

Original poster

StirlingTheStrong · 12/01/2009 16:22

Awww Hoochie you are making me cry now.

The saying "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger" is so true. I feel like, in the last 12 months I have gone from being a snivelling wreck to a very strong and confident woman. I took many peoples advice and kept fit so I feel alot better about myself (sz 8/10).

I am even considering starting my own business soon. Something just wouldn't have considered a year ago.

Maybe I should call the tart and thank her for kick-starting my life

Craggy Thanks for your post. Yes I have her number but she wont answer when I call and wont return any texts. Maybe she thinks I will just go away if she ignores me. Or maybe she is trying to be the dignified one!!

OP posts:

Original poster

StirlingTheStrong · 12/01/2009 16:30

abikay So sorry this is happening to you too. Must be so difficult to concentrate on your dissitation and deal with this crap.

My H worked in Budapest alot and his tart worked in the same office. She is actually well educated and has a very well paid job for Hungary. My first thought was that she wanted money or a passport but, as far as I am aware, that has never been mentioned.

Try to look after yourself. Do something just for you every so often. You deserve it

OP posts:

AbricotsSecs · 12/01/2009 18:28

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Message withdrawn

Original poster

StirlingTheStrong · 12/01/2009 21:53

Thanks xx

OP posts:

HappyWoman · 13/01/2009 09:29

Stirling - sorry what is now happening. Please consider making him leave - even if it is just for a short while.
It will not be good for the children to see the breakdown in relationship between you. He has zero respect for you and it is no wonder you have none for him now, please dont subject your children to this.

I have no doubt he will use the childrens unhappiness as a way of staying (my h did this too) but remember this is not in anyway your fault - he has had chance after chance after chance - you have been too good to him already.
What is he really up to???? Is he plotting to leave anyway for her?? He will let you believe he wants to stay for the childrens sake - but just remember he has not put the childrens happiness first up til now - so whats changed now??
Do you really want him to stay for the children - you may think at the moment you will not cope - but you will, and better than you think you will too.

Even if he does get a flat nearby - it will not mean the end - my h did get a small flat near us and look at us now.

At the moment he has not had to really face up to what he has actually done - let him be punished by not having the access to the children all the time - that thinking time may be what he needs.

Please email or cat me if you want to chat more.

I really think you need to think only about what is best for you and the children now and not about him. I worry that you will not be doing the best for the children in the long run - please take some professional advice on this - i can give you the name of my wondeful (but v expensive) solicitor if you like - he was a life-saver for me and although very very sad made me so much stronger.

Good luck and you are already so much stronger.

blinks · 15/01/2009 00:02

i would have no qualms in ending this relationship.

there's a fine line between doing your best to make it work for the kids and being humiliated.

his actions speak louder than his words. you need to do the same and take action to disentangle yourself from him.

don't put up with this for a moment longer.

HappyWoman · 15/01/2009 09:34

are you ok stirling?

Lifeisforlivingkatie · 06/07/2013 19:26

Listen, this fool needs to move, please don't be misguided by thinking the kids are better in an faithful relationship. I am divorced with two children and I through him out as soon as I found out. Actually I waited 2 months to gather my strength.

AnyaKnowIt · 06/07/2013 19:30

ZOMBIE THREAD

MalcolmTuckersMum · 06/07/2013 20:08

3 years old? WTF? Why did you do that Lifeisforliving?

Lifeisforlivingkatie · 06/07/2013 22:28

He was cheating with a married slut!in the two months I was sorting out divorce lawyers and getting counselling for myself. My youngest was 4 at the time.he is 7 now and I have a great boyfriend who so much better for him than his dad. He still sees him every second weekend.biology alone does not make good parenting

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