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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh bu**er - what do i do now?

37 replies

ufool · 07/01/2009 20:23

I have a male friend at work, lots of banter (some flirtatious, but I swear only in a jokey way afaic) and good support for each other when chips are down. Have known him a long time and consider him by far my best friend at work, although not a real life friend iyswim. We never meet outside of work. If it seems odd to have a male mate, there are no other women where I work and I have only ever worked with 2 others in the 23 years I've been in the industry.

He was unwell yesterday, so I text him this morning (I'm not in work today) to see how he was. (My mistake perhaps, but you wouldn't think it was odd if he was a female friend) He replied that he was fine, but distracted as he couldn't stop staring at my photo on his desk. He has a group photo from a team event we were all on a while ago. It includes X, a very funny man, who is striking an amusing pose (honest it's really v v funny!) Anyway, I took this to be his usual jokey banter and text back "LOL I thought X was the reason you have that pic" he came back "X makes me laugh, but I'm not madly in love with him"

I nearly dropped the phone from fear and I haven't replied , but I have to go to work (and sit next to him all day) tomorrow

OP posts:
ilove · 07/01/2009 20:24

Are you single/available?

rubyslippers · 07/01/2009 20:24

are you married/have a partner?

Original poster
ufool · 07/01/2009 20:27

yes, fairly relevant detail that I forgot We are both married in XS of 20 years. One of the reasons I allowed myself to get close(ish) was because he seemed so married, i.e. safe.

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 07/01/2009 20:27

if you're single and interested then why not?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 07/01/2009 20:28

oh dear
don't know what to say
but i guess you probably know what you should do

SlartyBartFast · 07/01/2009 20:28

perhaps he was joking?

IdrisTheDragon · 07/01/2009 20:28

Did he actually mean he was madly in love with you, or just that he wasn't in love with X?

SlartyBartFast · 07/01/2009 20:28

treat it as a joke might be best answer.

lessonlearned · 07/01/2009 20:30

Have you known him long? Is he single/available? Is there a chance you 2 ciould take things further or was that the last thing you wanted? Will you have to let him down?
Oh tell us more - I could go on and on.....

morningpaper · 07/01/2009 20:30

it sounds like a joke to me?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 07/01/2009 20:30

i'd treat it as a part of the banter/joke
only feel worried if he says anything else

beansontoast · 07/01/2009 20:31

take the opportunity to immediately set boundaries...(if that is waht you wan?)t.

dont let the moment pass unless you want it to simmer beneath the surface and mutate!

be straight forward ...spell out that you are commited to your husband... there has bee a misunderstanding...and may be cool things off a bit

SlartyBartFast · 07/01/2009 20:31

it probably doesnt mean anythign, why can't he be in love with you anyway? platonically...

lessonlearned · 07/01/2009 20:32

In that case I hope he was joking again...

SlartyBartFast · 07/01/2009 20:32

so,,, anyway what did you say then?

RaspberryBlower · 07/01/2009 20:35

You have to assume he was joking at this stage. If you say something and he was joking, you're going to feel a right numpty. I would ignore it if I was you, and keep things friendly but distanced with him.

prettybutterfly · 07/01/2009 20:36

I don't think it was a joke!

ChirpyGirl · 07/01/2009 20:37

You need to reply with 'I don't think anyone is madly in love with X when he looks like that' or something similar.
If he was joking it should be clear, if he wasn't then you can deal with it then.

bigTillyMint · 07/01/2009 20:40

So did you just put the phone down and not say anything? That will make tomorrow rather tricky

Original poster
ufool · 07/01/2009 20:41

Slarty - do you really believe that's possible? I didn't reply and an hour or so later got a text saying "did my last text scare you?" I said "no, just didn't have a witty reply" and I haven't heard from him since, which is odd in itself TBH, as I would have expected him to take the micky at my slow wittedness.

God, I hope it's a joke. I'm sure we can both pretend it was anyway!

OP posts:
RaspberryBlower · 07/01/2009 20:41

Yes, that's a good idea from ChirpyGirl.

bigTillyMint · 07/01/2009 20:42

OOps, didn't realise it was texting.

Your reply was a good one - enables you both to pretend it was a joke even if it wasn't.

SlartyBartFast · 07/01/2009 20:43

or he might have been trying his luck
keep it cool

beansontoast · 07/01/2009 20:44

if he was joking it would be funny...this is text book 'affair threshold' stuff...textbook.

Original poster
ufool · 07/01/2009 20:46

you've lost me there beans, what does that mean?!

OP posts: