Oh bu**er - what do i do now?

[ufool]

I have a male friend at work, lots of banter (some flirtatious, but I swear only in a jokey way afaic) and good support for each other when chips are down. Have known him a long time and consider him by far my best friend at work, although not a real life friend iyswim. We never meet outside of work. If it seems odd to have a male mate, there are no other women where I work and I have only ever worked with 2 others in the 23 years I've been in the industry.

He was unwell yesterday, so I text him this morning (I'm not in work today) to see how he was. (My mistake perhaps, but you wouldn't think it was odd if he was a female friend) He replied that he was fine, but distracted as he couldn't stop staring at my photo on his desk. He has a group photo from a team event we were all on a while ago. It includes X, a very funny man, who is striking an amusing pose (honest it's really v v funny!) Anyway, I took this to be his usual jokey banter and text back "LOL I thought X was the reason you have that pic" he came back "X makes me laugh, but I'm not madly in love with him"

I nearly dropped the phone from fear and I haven't replied , but I have to go to work (and sit next to him all day) tomorrow

Ignore ignore ignore

Carry on as before, but just with your guard up

If he starts to make similar comments again, I would set some boundaries at that point, but keep it lighthearted

sorry,im not always very clear.

i suppose im saying that to me this looks like a friendship that has over time inched closer and closer and is heading towards 'affair territory'

i.e. a close emotional friendship that has become secretive (eg you wouldnt really want your partner to hear your conversations)with sexual undercurrents

jeepers...i know what im trying to say and my last post only just makes sense to me

I do understand what you're saying now beans, but I'm not sure it applies. I wouldn't say it's at all secretive TBH, in fact the banter is more lewd when we're playing to an audience and I repeat all the best lines to DH

i could be seeing what i want to see/what im looking for?..because last week i picked up a book in a charity shop called 'not just friends' and couldnt put it down....and now i am on the net diagnosing!

hope all is cool at work tomorrow

it does sound like he's throwing out a line to see if you will bite, to continue the fishing analogy, i think he is testing the water.

maybe he has harboured (sorry) real feelings for you for ages, so you need to be gentle if you don't want to get any further involved. make it clear you are happily married (if you are!) but you really value his friendship and support and appreciate him as a work buddy.

very difficult one, good luck!

I'd ask him outright (in a non-committal, jokey way - something like "what you doing texting me like that, you trying to get me into trouble or something?") what he meant by the message and take it from there based on his answer. I don't think it sounds like he was joking TBH.

He might realise by your text reply that he has overstepped the mark and is barking up the wrong tree. If that is the case, he will probably make a joke of it if you ask him about it and you can make a joke back in return and leave it at that. Either way, you will know by his body language what the truth is.

If he does 'fess' up, then just take him aside and have a good, frank chat to him and let him know your position. He will appreciate it even if it not what he perhaps wants to hear.

Yes, it will be majorly awkward but as soon as you begin the discussion the awkwardness will fade. I have a feeling that if you leave this and ignore it, it will become harder to deal with as time goes on, you will be constantly aware and sort of guarded in his company and why let is waste a good working relationship?

Good luck and how flattering for you!!

If he was serious then think you need to be preared in case he brings it up.

I think that, if he has always made jokes about the two of you there is nothing to worry about. If not, he is definitely testing the water. You should have replied with something along the lines of 'Ha ha! See you tomorrow' but his follow up text doesn't allow for that now.

IME it is nigh on impossible to have a mutual jokey flirty relationship with any male .
Part of them (and we know which part will tend to take it seriously despite what they initially say!

Beware!

If he was serious then its his problem and his cause for embarrassment, not your's. He crossed the line and you didn't so just make sure you stay blameless and you will be ok. Treat it as a joke (but not a funny one - what if your DH had read it??) and forget about it. If it turns out later that he meant it and insists on making you aware that he has feelings for you, then tell him that you are not interested. The good thing is that you haven't given out any false signals so the whole problem is of his makign and he has to resolve it not you!

hey ufool, how did it go??? been wondering what happened.......