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Original poster

Anyone want to share kickstart/revamp your sex life (not in a pervy sort of way mind!)

28 replies

bigbaubleeyes · 03/01/2009 04:23

We have decided that DH and I need to do this. After discussing this (and this was a bit fraught at times) and agreeing we need to put some effort into this area of our marriage we are going to...

Well we havn't got a 'plan' as such but I wondered if others on here have done this at some point and have any tips (not graphic details obviously) more steps towards being more intimate again.

I know some might read this and think well its obvious, but when you've got into lazy habits and let things slide it can seema bit daunting.

I can remember reading this type of stuff in womens mags when younger pre child thinking what are these women on about you just do it but now...

Share if you dare

OP posts:
brightongirldownunder · 03/01/2009 05:19

YES please share. SOMEBODY!

Pennies · 03/01/2009 06:41

Setting aside an evening a week for "date night" whereby sex isn't necessarily going to happen but you spend quality time together away from kids / telly / mountain of laundry is a good place to start.

Original poster
bigbaubleeyes · 03/01/2009 09:25

Morning - this is a start

Yes i like the idea of weekly date night, we have agreed that we can afford a babysitter once a month to go out also.

Thanks pennies - thanks

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 03/01/2009 09:39

What about
making the effort to compliement each other look and smell nice for each other
Make cups of tea for each other
breakfast in bed
take turns for lie ins
encourage each other to have fun/ take up a hobby what about taking up a sport together, exercise releases feel good endorphins which would rub off onto each other and make you laugh together etc?

bellavita · 03/01/2009 09:52

Ours needs a revamp big time - will watch this thread with interest.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 03/01/2009 10:00

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bellavita · 03/01/2009 10:10

Reality - I love snogs like that, but I don't often get them - not for the want of asking though!

Fizzfiend · 03/01/2009 10:57

I agree - snogs can be incredible, almost better than sex sometimes. Or try snogging during sex - it really feels so much more intimate.

hereswhatwedid · 03/01/2009 11:08

Ok, I am a regular but have namechanged for this.
DH and I didn't have any sex life for ten, count them ten years! partly due to some health issues but mostly because we got out of the habit. We still loved each other and there was never any question that either of us was unfaithful. It just stopped happening. About a year or so ago, I decided I neede things to improve on that front. I did not want to live the rest of my life without sex, and especially, without sex with DH. When I mentioned it, he was not keen. He had learnt to go without and wasn't bothered. I told him, clearly, not nastily, that I was not prepared to carry on living with him as though he was my brother and that if he really didn't want to sort this out, I felt the best thing was to separate. (TBH I would have been gutted if he had agreed to that but I didn't know how else to get through to him how important this was for me). He said he didn't want that to happen but wasn't sure he could feel like that towards me. He said he would try. We started very gently. Almost like a courtship again. Lots of kisses. Plenty of cuddles. None of them 'threatening' IYKWIM. Began to sit with him on the sofa rather than in a chair on my own. talked more, tried to make each other laugh more. I began to lose some weight.( much needed). Gradually he began to follow me into the kitchen when I was making dinner, and cuddle me or kiss the back of my neck as he walked past me. Lots of touching, slightly sexual but playful. eh, grabbing my bum as i walk past. i would do the same. We began to set aside a time to be in bed together. Not always leading to intercourse, but always having fun together! Our Dc are late teenagers so no childcare worries. We began to go out together more often. Maybe foe a meal, maybe just for a walk. We hold hands when we are out together. Taking a real interest in each other's day. Sending a slightly suggestive text or two during the work day! But, at all times, trying NOT to appear desperate for a shag! (even if I was!) Buying little gifts or a card now and again.
We celebrated a big wedding anniversary during this time. He gave ne the most wonderful card and wrote something so special in it. I cried when I read it and so did he. He began to tell me how much he loved me and loves me. I tell him the same. often.
We have had a few days away on our own. We didn't spend the whole weekend in bed, but a fair amount of it! When the kids are out in the evenings, we have early nights (7pm!) and if we know they are going to be out at the weekends, well, let's just say we don't waste that time either! There are the times when he will suggest a spur of the moment evening out, or we just go for a drive. We treat each other with love and respect, the way we did when we first knew each other, and in the early days of our marriage, before children and financial pressures got to us.
So, here we are, a year or so along and I can honestly say things are not only back to normal, but actually better that before. We are both so aware of what we were missing that we are determined not to let that happen again. Wherever we are, whoever we are with, he just gives me a wink and I know what he means! He tells me he loves me, often,we touch all the time and we have lots of fun in bed. I can't promise that it will work for you, but it did for us and I am so glad that we both decided to make the effort.

Rollmops · 03/01/2009 11:10

We try to plan date nights and so far they have coincided with

  1. two medical emergencies( DS "A" was kept in hospital for 3 days with a virus, Mrs Rollmops had a suspected blood clot.

  2. Me coming down with manflu, a near death experience.

  3. Herself coming down with ladyflu, do you have a slight cough dear ?

Our success rate is around 50% but when the gods smile on us....... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

What's wrong with having a pervy night once in a while ?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 03/01/2009 11:10

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hereswhatwedid · 03/01/2009 11:12

Also need to add, we don't just wait for the kids to be out! We get plenty of action even when they are in the house, its just the extra times like early evenings when they are not around!

bellavita · 03/01/2009 11:26

hereswhatwedid - your post brought tears to my eyes!

We have just got out of the habit of everything - although when I do see those snogs on tv etc, I say "I wish someone would snog me like that" and he sort of says in a jokey way (and in no way malicious) "you should be so lucky!".

He does sometimes come up behind me in the kitchen and give me a cuddle which I love but it is just not often enough - I also try and pinch his bum etc and grab him.

Our DS's are 11.6 and 9 and do not come in our room any more eg - first thing on a morning etc so we do have a bit more privacy.

I think, where we go wrong is, I am a night time person (all clean and teethbrushed) and he is a morning person.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 03/01/2009 11:30

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beanieb · 03/01/2009 11:32

define 'pervy' first

bellavita · 03/01/2009 11:34

Oh really Reality, makes me feel a bit better then that I/he is not being difficult

bellavita · 03/01/2009 11:36

I am worried that I am turning into my Mother as she does not do sex anymore

hereswhatwedid · 03/01/2009 11:55

I agree that men ( mine anyway) are more ready in the morning. So I just make sure I am too! I prefer it at night, but we compromise and trust me, being woken up at 6.30 am by DH gently caressing me is actually very sexy and guaranteed to make me ready for fun! ( at least it was this morning)and I've got flu!

bellavita · 03/01/2009 12:10

Well, am just gonna have to hatch a plan then for tomorrow (or tonight)

duke748 · 03/01/2009 12:53

Hilton are doing some good deals at the mo if you book ahead - a cheap night in a posh hotel to look forward to should help things along a bit....

Original poster
bigbaubleeyes · 03/01/2009 15:55

Wow, I go out for a few hours and come back to find some great responses MN is just great for this.

Hereswhatwedid - your story echos our situation and it was i too who ended up saying enough is enough of this lets stop making excuses its not realy ok. I too need to lose weightfor better health but I am sure it will spur things on.

At the moment I have joined weight watchers again and visited one gym to see if I liked. But these are key things for other areas of health, so to be specific I plan to:

1)Book a babysitter DH has mentioned something he wants to go and see a gig/concert.
2)I will be buying new underwear!
3)I thought the odd text would nt hurt
4) I looked up some tips on i-village about the practical things and I thought hmmm that doesnt sound to wild and it got me thinking sexy stuff.

But I think what hereswhatwedid said is key about getting used to each others personal space. I feel it wouldnt be right to just get 'dolled up' for him comming home from work as I think it would be quite contrived and a) he is knackered b) always hungry, c) could be in crappy mood.

Yes lovemygirls looking and smelling nice is a precursor to the above - when I think about how we slob about on a weekend sometimes.

It is interesting to know about the morning/night thing as I am certainly not a morning person I take a long time to wake up so maybe this is something I can work on.

So I feel loads better than I did this time yesterday because \i am getting on with it - i dont know when it will happen but I will updates effort/changes.

Thanks so far for posts and you'll just have to watch this space, and hope you and any others can support my quest.

OP posts:
Original poster
bigbaubleeyes · 03/01/2009 16:02

Reality - just read your post again and there are things on there that we do like cooking, and we always share our tv like lastnite we had a good laugh at CBB.

Upon reflection I feel reassure by your post as it makes me realise that we have got somethings still there to work from.

BELLA - what can i say - I put that there in thread title as some MN just dont like certain turns of phrase and wanted to make people feel welcome to post in that I wasnt looking for mountains of positions/techniques or weird and more unusual stuff. Some may also have thought that I meant share some sort of cyber sex experiences _ i dont know i have seen all sorts of confusion on here!

OP posts:
bellavita · 03/01/2009 16:14

bigbaubleeyes - your last paragraph - did you mean beanieb rather than me? I certainly felt welcome posting on your thread.

Original poster
bigbaubleeyes · 03/01/2009 17:41

Yes - plans are ahatching!!!!

OP posts:
bigbadjaneyes · 05/01/2009 10:57

This week end went well - not as difficult as i thought. We have been cuddling up on sofa and some subtle flirting going on and weh hey !

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