Hi everybody. I've been with my dh for 8 years and apart from the first 6 months I have no good memory to hold on to.
He is horrible and I just wish he would leave me.
Over our years he has been abusive and a bully. I left him last year and resettled somewhere else with the help of a womens refuge. But I was eaten up with guilt so I let him see his kids.
Of course I eventually let him talk me round, promise he would change blah,blah,blah.
And alright he hasn't hit me in 10 months. But he still hurts me in little ways. calls me names, makes fun of my depression.
I know I won't get better inside until he is gone so why won't he leave.
I tell him to go, I tell him I hate him. he then tells me that I'm depressed and I need him beacuse of our 3 kids.
I don't want to run again, I've been running my whole life and I just want to have peace. I don't even care that I am alone, at least I would wake up without him there making me feel like s**t.
He has gone now, left about 30 mins ago. I told him to never come back but I know he will.
How do I make myself stronger? How do I resolve this without having to turn to the police and have it all go ugly?
I'm not scared of what he will do but I am scared of the way he can call me names solidly for an hour. It hurts, he knows how to hurt me in my mind, he knows how to make me want to die.
I know I sound stupid and probably alot of you will think that I should have just left him when he first hit me but I was brought up to believe that a man did have a right to hit me for displeasing them. My mum and my dad practised on me.
I remember turning to my dad once and telling him, He said to me that if my dh loved me he wouldn't hit me, and sadly I replied, then u musn't have loved me for you beat me my whole life. He has never spoken to me since.
Sorry I'm just rambling on now trying to keep my mind of what I know the next few days will be like.