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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

someone talk to me

52 replies

NAB3lovelychildren · 31/12/2008 19:43

I miss him

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 31/12/2008 19:44

Oh.

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 31/12/2008 19:44

I know [idiot]

OP posts:
deanychip · 31/12/2008 19:45

Who do you miss hun?

Do you need chcoalate and some nice drink?

And a hug?

We got all of those if you stick with us, you can have them all with our love xx

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 31/12/2008 19:47

I miss my first love who I had contact with for two weeks up to last Monday.

Hug good.

Chocolate okay - eating what I want until end of year and then getting fit.

Feel so silly but I know it is because it is NYE and I am hoping he just texts me happy new year.

OP posts:
deanychip · 31/12/2008 19:50

AHHH, thought you meant father Christmas, because dont worry , he will be back next year and you can always write to him, he loves letters

Northumberlandlass · 31/12/2008 20:49

Oh Nab, you are going to have to get used to idea that you might not hear from him again. I know it's hard, but reading your other posts, I don't believe you could really be friends - you seem to need him so much and in my vast experience in these matters, that isn't good. I really do feel for you.

Keep posting rather than texting / emailing him.

BTW - this time last year I was in contact with my ex (married in case you are interested) and I have been desperate all day to text him a 'Happy New Year' message. But, as much as would LOVE to hear from him, it is the wrong thing to do and in the long term will hurt us both (again).

xxx

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 31/12/2008 20:52

I sent him a message on Tuesday even though I knew I was being an idiot but I have promised myself it will be my last one. If he texts me HNY I will reply with the same but otherwise not.

I would have worked hard to just be friends but he knows he wants more so that is that.

Just being silly as NYE.

OP posts:
blondemum · 31/12/2008 20:57

come on. Is he married? in a relationship? Are you?
xx

Northumberlandlass · 31/12/2008 20:57

I know, it is a tough time of year for a lot of people !

My guy was a good guy too ! It's real bugger. ain't it ?

We are here, if you feel the need to chat.

xx

bethoo · 31/12/2008 20:58

he got caught out by his missus

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 31/12/2008 20:58

who did?

OP posts:
brazenhussy · 31/12/2008 21:00

NAB - have lurked and read all your threads about this guy and just wanted to say that I am in a very similar situation to you where I am finding it near impossible to stop texting even though I know I must, otherwise I am just prolonging the agony

I have found the following very helpful:

When I really can't resist the urge to text, I write the message I want to send, then instead of sending it , I save it to drafts (sounds mad I know but has really worked for me)

and

When thoughts of him pop into my head, i look at the clock and allow myself 2 minutes to think about him and then I force myself to banish all thoughts. I have found that it is getting longer and longer between thoughts of him.

Really really feel for you because I have never felt pain like this.

Hugs Hun xxx

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 31/12/2008 21:02

sounds like a good idea.

how are you doing?

i was making an idiot of myself (crying, thinking about him, texting, emailing) over someone who didn't want me (and I texted that) and I just thought no way am I doing this again.

I wish he would have talked to me about his marriage though. Bottom line is he is my friend and I care and if he is unhappy and staying for the child, I admire that but think it is sad to be unhappy.

OP posts:
spamm · 31/12/2008 21:12

All you can do is take one day at a time. It will get easier but it will take time and you need to give yourself permission to think about him from time to time and miss him. You can do this, and do come and post on here when you need to. There will always be somebody to talk to, even if it is just run-of-the-mill chat.

brazenhussy · 31/12/2008 21:14

Yes mine was my best friend as well as my lover so i also care about his happiness. I know he would be unhappy if i broke contact altogether (he is also in an unhappy marriage and is staying for his DD who is his world) but trying to keep the texts 'friendly' and uncomplicated is very very hard when what I really want to text him is "I am totally 100% in love with you and want you to leave your wife"

I know this isn't what you want from your Ex but no doubt you have other things you would like to say to him if things were the way you want them to be.

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 31/12/2008 21:17

In our first or second chat he said he wouldn't leave his wife, he couldn't leave her right now. I asked if he would if I left my DH. He said no. We had a laugh and said men were meant to say they couldn't leave their wives after they had been having sex with their mistress. Not before anything had happened! I couldn't leave my DH for anything. I am we couldn't be friends though and I worry about him now.
His parents divorced when we were together and I remember him turning up in tears to tell me

OP posts:
brazenhussy · 31/12/2008 21:55

Mine has been offering to leave his wife for months but I wasn't ready for to take our relationship to that level (DH and I only seperated 2 months ago) Once I finished it with him (due to guilt about his wife's feelings) he decided he wanted to give it another go with his wife.

As soon as he said that I knew I couldn't give him up but wanted them to give their marriage another go without me on the scene so have opted to just stay friends.

Every so often when he texts me he says he is missing me like mad but is adament that he is going to stay faithful to his DW and do his best to make it work.

Again I understand where you are coming from when you say you worry about him. Mine nursed his terminally ill mother and was on the phone to me morning, noon and night for support as his wife wasn't very supportive. then at the end it was me he asked to come to the hospital to be there for him when she died

brazenhussy · 01/01/2009 09:08

Did he text you NAB?

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 01/01/2009 09:17

No and I have been really strong and not texted or emailed him. On my mind totally though

OP posts:
brazenhussy · 01/01/2009 09:29

That really surprises me because even if he is trying to keep a distance between the two of you, you would think that NYE would be one of those times where it would be ok/acceptable to just send a text wishing you all the best.

Am pleased that you think you have resisted temptation (cos i am so weak in that department too) but am wondering if you would have been better just sending a HNY text so that he realises that you are able to contact him at special times without it being a huge issue and without it meaning you wanted more?

bellavita · 01/01/2009 09:31

oh NAB

I thought you were going to "try" and put this behind you.....

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 01/01/2009 09:32

I AM trying

OP posts:
bellavita · 01/01/2009 09:35

Here's hoping it's going to get easier for you.

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 01/01/2009 10:17

BH - actually, I didn't really expect him too. I am sure he has cut me off completely.

OP posts:
Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 01/01/2009 11:07

I texted and emailed him a happy new year and now I am done.

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