someone talk to me

[NAB3lovelychildren]

I miss him

i hope it gets easier for you NAB

Think you have done the right thing there NAB. Now follow the advice I gave earlier in this thread about texting and then saving to drafts.

Give yourself permission to text him again if and when you have a real reason to - a piece of news he would be interested in, birthday etc rather than just saying "that's it" It will make this easier for you.

I completely take on board what others are saying about cutting contact completely and putting it all behind you etc etc but you know (as do I from my situation now and another affair I had two years ago)that you would find this impossible.

Allow yourself time to grieve and time to allow yourself to think about your times with him and what might have been.

It doesn't matter how fab your Hubby is and how much you love him, the feelings you have for this OM are very real and will not just go away but....

You will get over this

I will feel better once Monday is over. He will get my sorry email then and if he doesn't reply to that I know he really does feel we can't be friends.

I do so hope that things get easier for you NAB..
BH your advice is brilliant

I think part of the hurt is feeling cheated.

Back then I thought he had got over me but find out he hadn't. And now he came back into my life and went again. Cheated out of having him in amy life, however it would have been.

oh NAB this is such a sad thread
Feel really sorry for you and just wish I could say something to make you feel better
BIG HUGS
xx

I feel sad in both ways.

I miss him

I feel like my friend has been snatched away. I have thought about this for so long, and it kind of makes it worse that he feels we can't just be friends as we would have been amazing as a couple.

NAB I don't know whether you are a believer or not but the other thing that has brought me so much comfort is an online tarot reading from Johnathon Cainer.

If you google him and then register onto the 5 star service you can ask the tarot any questions you have and you will be amazed at the accuracy of the answer. I found this so comforting almost like councilling.

If you do decide to do it please let me know the outcome of your reading because I don't know a single person who has had this reading and wasn't happy with it

OMG I so want to do that!

Just googled and it seems lots of negative comments

Did you buy a tarot reading?

I couldn't get that far. Have you got a link pls?

will try, never done it before

www.cainer.com

NAB, you don't need tarot! What you need is to stick to your wise decision and walk away. Whatever the OM does in response to your happy NY text will hurt you. You see that, don't you?

If he texts you back, you will see it as a sign that he really wants to be with you, and therefore you will ache for the lost relationship you were cheated of.

If he doesn't, you will feel the pain of knowing that he didn't need to contact you on this 'special day'.

There is no half-way-house here. You have to break contact and walk away completely. You deserve to be happy, and the only way you will (eventually) be happy is if you throw yourself completely into your marriage.

Also, your DH deserves to have a wife who is 100% committed to him, and no matter what you say, right now you are not. Maybe 90%, maybe 95%, or even 98%, but not 100%, because you are still saving a part of yourself for the OM.

oooh, I'm so clever

Then you need to register to purchase a tarot reading (think it is £5.95)

You are right, of course lou, but I honestly don't think I am saving any part of myself for the OM. I know it is over. I guess I was still hoping for a bit of friendly contact now and then. That is why I want Monday over as I will really accept it then. If he reads my messages and still doesn't reply, then I know that is that.

But darling NAB, you need to know this is over, and that is that, for YOURSELF. YOU have to decide. YOU have to walk away. What you are saying is that you will know if it is over by HIS reaction. So inside, somewhere, you are still persuing it. Be kind to yourself . This can never have a happy ending. The only decision to make is whether it takes your marriage down as well.

Maybe, just maybe, in the distant future, you will both find yourselves free to pursue a relationship. But, if you were able to find each other after all this time, surely you know that you could do it again? So there is no need to keep up contact 'just in case'.

YOU HAVE TO WALK AWAY.

Good point

When he said it had to stop I asked him if he thought we would remember each other and get in touch and get it together and he said most probably if we were both free.

He also said if he is ever free I would be his first call but how can he live like that, in a marriage making plans for if he is free?

He isn't saying that, NAB. He is saying the same as you. IF you were free, you would want him. BUT YOU AREN'T. He isn't making plans. He is acknowledging that you could have been a good thing together. But, now, this would be the destroyer of two marriages, and the lives of children. Not a great basis for a relationship, however you look at it. There is no way that any good can come of this right now. And right now is where you are.

I feel sad for him as a friend that he is unhappy and feels he has to stay for his DC. I really couldn't leave my husband and the only way to be with OM doesn't bare thinking about but OMG I miss his friendship.

But NAB, take a small step back. Those two sentences don't fit. What if he didn't feel that he had to stay for his DC? What would you do? Your next sentence says that you really couldn't leave your husband. So what would you do? I believe you that you miss his friendship, but you know well that you can't be his friend. This has gone too far for that.

For a brief time I think I did think we could be together and I could stay with my DH. Then I thought about the reality of an affair and the reality of leaving DH and knew I couldn't do it.

I took a while but I miss him so much I would keep it just friends.

Very wise words Lou.

Hope you are ok NAB.

xx

NAB, I hope you can sleep tonight. For what its worth, I don't think you could keep it just friends. And, I think you know that deep down in your heart. Take care x