Emotional affairs v "just" sex affairs - can a couple recover from either? Advice please

[candystick]

I've discovered that DP has had a "emotional" affair ie. no sex, but lots of phone talk about how deeply they feel for each other, how they want to be together and so on.

After I found out he ended it, we talked and agreed to get through this together but I can't help but feel that this will be more difficult to get past than a "just" sex affair.

If it was for sex then there would have been no/fewer emotional ties and I would imagine it would be easier for DP to "get over it" and for me not to be so paranoid but as it stands I'm petrified that the bonds bewteen them are so strong it will resurface.

Anyone got any experience or advice please?

m, it's not your fault but the cause probably was the PND but that's nothing you can help and plenty of men don't get close to another woman when their wife has PND. Best not to dwell on whose fault it was and if he doesn't worry her she's not important, a gnat you can swat away without thinking about. He wanted it because she was giving him attention, probably flattering him and interested in him, all the obvious things people seek when they aren't getting what they need in their primary relationship, whether they are male or female.

Mummytowillow - my H had the same symptoms - the cooling off and rejecting me while he was involved with the OW. In some ways it is a positive sign - at least he wasn't they type of person who could seriously 'run' two women at once and pretend nothing was up. I think it is a bit of a sign of a conscience at work, even if he was actually doing it to be faithful to her, not me! In an ideal world your oh would have been stronger and actually tried to sort out your relationship rather than disappearing elsewhere, but unfortunately some people are a bit feeble. Anyway, I think best way forward is to say that you want to know everything. If he did sleep with her then it is easier to find out nasty details all in one go at the start rather than finding out bits and pieces as you go along, which puts you back to the start just as things are starting to calm a bit. I'd also mentally work on dealing with him telling you the worst so you are prepared. Hope this helps - it really is a shit situation to be in, I know. Also if she is at work, tell him to start looking for another job. You need to make sure they don't ever have any more contact, just in case.

Mummytowillow im so sorry this has happened and i second all abedelia has said. It happened to me that way too but thankfully we have managed to get through it, although i do have the odd bad day.

Take care and try not to blame yourself. i understand all youve said about being horrible and irrational. I was very moody, snappy up one week and down the next for a good few years and my Dh instead of talking to me about it transeferred his feelings onto someone else. Ive since looked at how i am and am trying to be like the woman he met and fell in love with. i personally feel alot better for doing this and i accept that i am partly to blame.