Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

3 days before Christmas he told me....

29 replies

London7 · 22/12/2008 22:06

...that if it hadn't been for our baby, he would have kicked me out a long time ago
...that he is most happy as soon as he leaves the house even if it means he has to sleep in the car so that he doesn't have to come home to be around me
...that I have slept with men when I was pregnant with our baby and the reason why I found condom leaflet in his bag was because he tried to protect himself from me

This was supposed to be the first Christmas for us as a family - Merry Christmas to me

OP posts:

jenk1 · 22/12/2008 22:10

Oh how awful for him to say those things especially the condom leaflet (im sorry i dont believe his excuse for that btw).

so sorry and for you.

jen
xxx

ChirpyGrinch · 22/12/2008 22:11

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I can say
How old is your baby? were you with him long?
Where are you spending christmas? maybe you can go to your family or somethign as he obviously doesn't deserve your company.

ginnny · 22/12/2008 22:12

God how horrible.
He sounds unbelievably cruel.

beanieb · 22/12/2008 22:12

Is he there?

scrooged · 22/12/2008 22:13

What a tosser! Time to change the locks on your flat/house. Turn and run from him as fast as you can because you deserve so much better.

wrinklytum · 22/12/2008 22:15

He sounds like an arse,sorry but he does.

How old is your dc?Have you got family nearby ?

Keep posting xxx

solidgoldprawnring · 22/12/2008 22:17

What a horrid, bullying knob. Poor you. Even if your baby was unplanned, that is no reason for him to be so nasty - if he no longer wants to be your partner he should have the decency to tell you straight and work to make the separation amicable, not bully and blame and insult you.
Have you somewhere to go over Xmas? Is your home in joint names/your home/his home? Women's Aid is good for a quick rundown on the legal position for a couple splitting up: get the information because once you have it he can't intimidate you with bullshit about being able to throw you out/hurt you/refuse to support his child. And if you do split up you will need to know what benefits you are entitled to etc. Even if the two of you decide to work on your relationship you still need to have the information in case you need it.

Original poster

London7 · 22/12/2008 22:18

No, he is at work. Kissed our baby, said he was finished with me and was gone. True, I cold him a b***d yesterday during an argument but since our baby was born in the spring, he never even asked me how I was or if I needed help, spends every weekend on the PC playing games or looking at porno, hasn't slept in the same bed with me for months so I just flipped yesterday when he shouted at me "If you don't like the broken door, repair it myself".

OP posts:

beanieb · 22/12/2008 22:19

How was the door broken? What was the argument about? Why did you call him a bastard?

scrooged · 22/12/2008 22:20

Is there someone you can call, your mum or a good friend who will come over and support you? The internet can be good for moaning but none of us can give you the hug that you need.

Original poster

London7 · 22/12/2008 22:21

The baby was planned, he kept begging me for a baby for years, telling me how much supportive he is going to be, what a great father he is going to be and that he will work very hard. As soon as I told him I was pregnant he said he didn't want to talk about it and I spend the whole pregnancy living on my own. Well, it is my stupidity that I believed in him. He has been saying to me for months that he wanted a baby and thought I would be a good mother. He tricked me this badly.

OP posts:

Majeika · 22/12/2008 22:24

are you married?

solidgoldprawnring · 22/12/2008 22:29

Oh love how horrid, and what a turd he is. Find out your legal position ASAP.

beanieb · 22/12/2008 22:31

You have a beautiful baby, you don't have to stay with him.

ChirpyGrinch · 22/12/2008 22:35

What a twat, sorry, but you are better off without him I think. Fix your front door, get new locks and don't let him back in.
I think calling a partner a bastard is allowed, it doesn't mean he gets to say thigns like this back to you.

Original poster

London7 · 22/12/2008 22:44

He calls me worse names than b***d and I am the mug who apologises to him for swearing at him. He never does. He works away from home and hasn't even phoned to ask if our baby is fine. By the way, he has never told me where he sleeps for the 3 nights a week when he doesn't commute home. Well, he has said a lot of different things (I sleep in my car, at my friend's place, my colleague has a b&b, my colleague has a flat and a spare room). I am so stupid, I know he has been cheating on me when we were dating, during our marriage and even when I was pregnant. Still can't believe anybody could do that to me...

OP posts:

beanieb · 22/12/2008 22:47

DO you have anyone (friends or family) you can go and stay with?

Original poster

London7 · 22/12/2008 22:54

My family live abroad (can't even tell my Mum as she nearly broke down when she came to visit and I told her everything that was going on). Have a few friends who would love to help but why should I be squatting somewhere with a baby when it's not me who has caused all this? Why should I pay hundreds of pounds to rent a flat (I'm on maternity leave and not getting paid anything for the next 3 months) when he is the one who has done this? I know I have options but it is just so hard to get through all this...

OP posts:

scrooged · 22/12/2008 22:56

No, you stay where you are. You are looking after the baby. Put his things in a bag and leave them outside for him. You need a friend for moral support. Is your flat rented?

Original poster

London7 · 22/12/2008 23:09

No, it is his flat (well, I know it is our flat because we are married). I told him to move out but he said he wouldn't go. He also made some scary threats to me so I think I won't have the strength to stay there listening to all the bad things he has to say about me. He even said that it would suit me really well if on his way to work he would crash his car! I felt like he is the one who is having a breakdown...Really don't know what is going on in his head.

OP posts:

scrooged · 22/12/2008 23:14

Have you thought that he might be depressed? Some men go through something similar to post natal depression after their partner has had a baby. I don't know what causes it but the sudden realisation that their life has changed can be too much for them. What was your relationship like before you were pregnant?

beanieb · 22/12/2008 23:15

OK - I would say be strong and if you think you are in no physical danger stay as long as you can/ Tell everyone what has happened and get your friends to come round as much as possible. Seek legal advice ASAP

solidgoldprawnring · 22/12/2008 23:44

If you think you are in danger from him contact the police. If he is likely to attack you (or if he has done so) he can be removed from the premises (doesn't matter whose name is on the deeds if you are married and it is the child/children's home, a violent person can be removed from the premises) and it is also a good thing to log violent incidents with the police so there is a record if the situation gets worse.

ChirpyGrinch · 23/12/2008 08:18

How are you this morning?

Original poster

London7 · 23/12/2008 11:49

So nice to find your message asking me how I am . My baby (she is 7 months old) is a very happy child so seeing her in the morning looking at me and gurgling gives me strength. He came home from work at half past midnight last night(??) (he doesn't come home on Mondays), saw me preparing the milk in the kitchen, didn't say anything, went to the living room and slammed the door. I just don't understand why, he could have easily tell me a long time ago he didn't love me and have a baby with someone else. He also told me I used him to have a baby but it was him who kept asking me if I wanted to have a family with him! Anyway, I feel a bit better, trying to think what is best for me and the baby. Don't want to do anything in anger to make things worse.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread